- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I get you man perfectly. When I think about being gay and having to spend a lifetime with men .. I loose all my values it’s like i enter in a chamber. I loose my happyness , I become actually more agressive , more rude.. It’s like idk a dark side.. I just hate it man however we still have to hope. Maybe we should put the wuestion “what about being gay does bother me so much”. Orr when we tell ourselves “man you gay” i think we actually tell ourselves man you inferior to other men, you effeminate, you sissy, no woman would ever like you.. so i think this is a mental system that idk turns on the engines of hocd. Good luck, brother
- Date posted
- 5y
But I’ve lost the desire for girls, but I’m hella unconfident, pretty skinny and low self esteem asf
- Date posted
- 5y
I’ve lost desire to women and it’s like I don’t care about it
- Date posted
- 5y
Man i get you i was through such a period just wake up. Fuck off no matter what your hocd tells no matter what gronials you have GET THE FUCK UP START EATIN START EXERCISIN YOU NOT GAY
- Date posted
- 5y
Why do I feel like I’m bi even though there are no signs before HOCD, what if I’m using HOCD as a cover up
- Date posted
- 5y
@Dre249 Man ok lets say hypothetically you are bi . What is it that bottgers you so much with this thought. When you sau to yourself « I am bi » are you saying I am inferior to other men , I am effeminate , I am sissy , no woman would like me?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ionut I don’t say I’m by I am inferior and I don’t have confidence or self esteem, I don’t wanna be gay cause I don’t want to have an option I just want gilrs
- Date posted
- 5y
@Dre249 Man i get you really just start focusing on yourself start work out really helps meditate START WORKING ON YOURSELF YOU LL BE WITH THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS AND THEN BELIVE ME EVERY OTHER HOCD TVOUGHT WILL DISAPPEAR BELIVE ME JUST START FOCUSIN ON YOURSEKF AND YOUR SELF ESTEEM MAN AND PRAY AND HAVE CONFIDENCE EVEN WHEN THE WORD FEELS LIKE FALLIN APPART CAUSE THERE WILL BE TIMES WHERE YOU WILL WANT TO GIVE UP
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ionut But these thoughts say I like em and it’s so convincing that I do when I don’t
- Date posted
- 5y
Ok SO YOU LIKE THEN WHAT YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT HUH? DO YOU WANT A PENIS IN YOUR ASS ? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KISS A BOY? NO YOU DONT IT ALL ABOUT LOW SELF ESTEEM GET THE FUCK UP AND WORK YOURSELF LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT SEX AND « OH NO MY DICK WOKE UP AT THE WRONG TIME OH NOO I FOUND THAT BEAUTIFUL OR IDK RANDOM » GET THE FUCK UP YOU GREAT MAN YOU HAVE THE POTENTIAL IN YOU DONT LET SOME STUPID THOUGHTS CUZ THATS ALL THEY ARE RUIN YOU. IF YOU NOT HAPPY THINKIN ABOUT LIVING AND STAYING NEAR A BOY THEN TRUST ME YOUR NOT GAY
- Date posted
- 5y
EITHER BI
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah bro even if my HOCD convinced me so much when ever I feel like mysef I’m like “bro what the fuck are you thinking, you ain’t fucking gay/bi” then the doubts come
- Date posted
- 5y
I saw some homophobic people are gay/bi or turn gay/bi and I’m a bit homophobic. Fuuuuuuuck
- Date posted
- 5y
@Dre249 Bro what am i sayingand what are you sayin you ve got a deep fog over your eyes FUCK OFFF PUTTIN QUESTUONS IN YOUR HEAD . Just STOP STOP ALWAYS CHECKING AND ANSWERING BE LIKE OK BOSS I DONT CARE I COULDN T CARE LESS
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ionut So I’m striaght and not changing??
- Date posted
- 5y
@Dre249 No your not changin you still straight it s just a phase relax and dont care cause if you start caring the thought is goin to ocupy more space in your mind
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ionut Bro fuck bro????, I posted on the bisexual reddit server and they said they went through the same thing as me, now I definitely don’t know
- Date posted
- 5y
@Dre249 Yeah . Most of the bi people think they firsly are straight or gay and with the time they get more fluid and start being bi or even gay or even straight. First of all relax . How do you feel idk thinking about having a relationship with the same sex like holding hands kissin ans stuff?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ionut I don’t want 2 options I only want girls and girls only
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ionut Another man freaks me the fuck out and it’s not for me but my HOCD is trying to force me
- Date posted
- 5y
Man you keep saying the same shit over and over again and i repeat to you over and over again take a deep breath and dont care practice meditation exercise read do somethin productive life is not about sex desires so calm down . I already told you just dont care whatever hocd whispers you
- Date posted
- 5y
I want a wife so bad but I have no desire really
- Date posted
- 5y
@Dre249 Man . Stop saying WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT YOU RE UNCERTAIN IF. What matters is what you actually do. Stop talking on autohocdpilote and take control by not caring and doin something productive
- Date posted
- 5y
@Ionut But am I straight you think and will I later on laugh at how silly this was and get a wife or is it 50/50 ??
- Date posted
- 5y
No to be honest you probably gay in denial. We both know you d like to kiss and fuck with a man. How that felt? THATS WHAT YOU WANNA HEAR ?? DID THAT MAKE YOU ANXIOUS AND SCREAMIN INSIDE? YES? Then THIS IS FUCKING HOCD . SO STOP PUTTIN SO MANY REASSURANCE QUESTIONS. You re just feeding your fear not stopping it
- Date posted
- 5y
My compulsion is to hit my head when I get a gay thought and this triggered the fuck outa me
- Date posted
- 5y
I got a mini heart attack lmao
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
First I want to start off with, as a kid, my brother touched me inappropriately, I watched him do the same with my cousin, than later on I did the same to my cousin. I feel great shame for it and I have yet to forgive myself. Now, since than 10 years later, I have always loved women, fantasized about women, constantly prayed to have one and do things to be with one 1 day. I struggled with porn a lot as a kid because I was shown it at such a young age. I remember first watching lesbian porn, than moving to guy and girl, than countdowns, etc. I was so hooked that it took an identity crisis to end this porn addiction. (I have only been sober for 3 weeks.) Now I only mention this because I think my porn addiction somewhat ruined me, same way as what I did in the past did. A year ago, I started to talk to a childhood crush I had, and things felt so great. We started to get along but I knew all I wanted to do was have sex and move on as wrong as that is. I ended up falling in love with her and asked her to be my girl. 9 months in, we were having constant arguments and she had this problem where she couldn’t give me a break. We were with each other 24/7 and it felt like dealing with a sister at some point. I remember talking to my friends and asking them what would they do and they always advised me to leave but I was not willing to because I knew I loved her and the way I was feeling was temporary and couples argue. Couple weeks in, I started to have these thoughts that we weren’t going to work out and that I no longer found her attractive. I kinda ignored them because it simply wasn’t true, I still found her attractive and would get hard ons for her yet, I still had this mindset that, “Oh, there’s other hotter girls” and, “Your ex looked so much better.” and I couldn’t stop these thoughts. One day I randomly woke up and remembered what I did as a kid, my whole world felt like it flipped. The thoughts were now, “what if you don’t like her because you’re secretly gay?”. I first laughed at the thought because of how ridiculous it sounded, but than it just kept going. Two weeks from a cycle of unwanted thoughts (1st stage of my ocd), I finally got over the thought with simple toughness and determination, I did lots of research on what was going on with me and went with the, “thoughts are just thoughts” method. I was doing well until we watch a netflix documentary “American Murder: Gabby Petito” and all of a sudden my mind began to think, “What if I’m secretly a psychopath and want to kill my gf?”. For about a week straight, It’s all I was able to think about. It scared me so much and I didn’t know what to do. I started to get urges to KILL my gf. I didn’t know what to do so I left the room and crawled up in a ball, crying to god asking for help.These thoughts went away but were quickly replaced by, “You want to kill your gf because you’re just gay”. This sent me into such great panic, I couldn’t eat for days and couldn’t feel anything but anxiety. Days went by and I finally went to a doctor, at first I started to feel better as If I was getting help and things were going to be okay. The thoughts went away again as I began to start doing more things and get out of my room (head). I felt like I was back again, I was able to love my gf, I started to go to church, I felt that god was real and than boom. Here I am again and this time things have gotten really bad. I can’t stop “checking”. As soon as I wake up I check if my gf is “good” enough for me. I check my past and see if I have ever done anything that show signs of being gay. I check out other girls and guys to see whether or not I like one or the other. Even when I accepted the possibility that maybe I am just gay, my mind will fight me and tell me that I’m more than just gay. Truth is, I don’t know anymore. I’ve always loved girls and my gf. I don’t know if this is OCD anymore but I wish for my old life again. I’ve always been so proud of my sexuality and loved everything about it. I never been homophobic but gay stuff does make me uncomfortable. Each day feels like I lost another part of me. I feel like I can’t live like this anymore. I lost all my belief in god, my morals and value feel so weak, and my life is no longer a fun enjoyable thing to look forward to. I need help.
- Date posted
- 19w
I tried checking if I like gay stuff and it’s genuinely disgusting to me. I can tell whether or not a man is attractive and when they are it does scare me and makes me question myself yet, it’s always the same response, I don’t get how you can do that with another man. Doing anything sexual just feels so gross and wrong. I don’t think that I am magically turning gay. I don’t think my orientation is changing or hasn’t been explored. I simply find that stuff gross. I have never had anything wrong with gay people and I am a true believer that people have choices they can make with free will so it’s not that I’m homophobic, just keep that stuff away from me lol. Saying so, I don’t get why I am getting these thoughts. These images in my head, constant need of checking if I fall in the spectrum, constant checking whether I like someone of any gender, constant checking whether or not I am getting groinal responses. No matter what answer I get, my mind still wants an answer, an answer to the next question that it’ll create after answering the one before it. I have always liked girls and always been so proud of it, I am in a relationship right now with a beautiful girl I’ve had a crush on since 2nd grade. (I am 19) Whatever mental illness I have has ruined our relationship. Everything feels forced on my side, I don’t remember the joy I had before this but I have glimpse throughout the days of the things we’ve done together that makes me happy and look forward to life. I am constantly checking to see if my attraction is still there for her and the scary part is, when I am stuck in my head, I am not but, to alter that, when I get that freedom and feel like my normal self, I get a hyper amount of love for her and it feels so nice. These thoughts all began after me and my girlfriend had an argument, 5 months ago we got in an argument over her not giving me enough space. She always wanted to be a part of a plan with my male friends. I never minded her when it was just us two so it’s not that I hated being with her, it was just that I had no time to be independent. ( I also had no job and nothing going for myself. ) One odd day after spending so much time stuck in the house due to weather, I had random thought on whether or not I truly loved her. We were only 4 months into the relationship so I didn’t have an answer and since it felt like I needed an answer, it became obsessive, I couldn’t stop checking. After hours with that thought, I started to wonder whether or not I was interested in other things like K I D S. This thought was an automatic no and I began to fight it. I wasn’t going to accept that, each day felt like a living hell. The questions would change each day, do I miss my ex, was my ex better, do I like my M O M, do I want to K I L L so and so, do I want to kill myself. One day I woke up and had it all in control, felt like magic, after I watched a video on ROCD and realized, oh, I am not the only one but, this is where my compulsions got even worse. I couldn’t stop checking the internet, seeing if I relate to others, watching more videos. I regret this everyday because this compulsion created so many new thoughts and questions for me to answer. About 2-3 weeks went by and a thought passed by that has been stuck with me since along with other thoughts. I thought back to what I did as kid and in the past. I remembered a traumatic event where my brother touched me (5yr old M) inappropriately. This made me question whether or not I liked it and I couldn’t find an answer, couple years (10yr old M) after that I unfortunately did the same to my cousin (8yr old M). I feel so much shame and guilt for it. My mind turned black and white, “Maybe this isn’t a do you like your girl or not but instead, maybe you just like boys I mean, you obviously never asked yourself if you like what you did so”. This question was terrifying for me because it meant that I could no longer love my girl, my whole life till now has been a lie. So I began to question everything in my past up to date to find an answer. No matter what answer I fed my mind, it would not be satisfied and simply create more questions. It felt like my mind was forcing me to be gay, whether or not I liked it. 4 months has passed and the questions have just gotten worse, something I was initially so afraid of. I am in constant fight or flight mode, I am always anxious and I can’t feel nothing. I get times of relief when I am reminded of my past, when my gf turns me on, or when I find an answer to question my mind conjured up. I started to go to church but it’s always been a struggle for me to believe. I can’t go to the gym anymore because everywhere I look I am questioning myself. My porn addiction has went away but mostly because I can’t find anything attractive anymore. I can only find comfort and discomfort. Something that was once so easy for me would 1 day be nonexistent and hard to live without. I don’t know what the truth is anymore. My life feels like a made-up lie. Though I have always loved women, fantasized about them, get extremely nervous around them, pray for them, romanticize them, etc. I now have no idea what it feels like to be in love, interested, or even happy for a woman. My attraction hasn’t vanished completely, I still can look a girl and be stunned, l simply just can’t destroy the feeling it gives me. I get so anxious and begin to question everything about the women, the feeling, myself. I am having a crisis.
- Date posted
- 13w
I feel like I'm lying to myself, like I just don't accept that I'm gay, I don't want to be gay, I don't want to feel any kind of attraction anymore, I want to go to a psychologist to find out if I really have hocd or if it's just an excuse, because it feels like I really am gay, but nothing was authentic, it all started with thoughts that made me panic extremely hard and I felt like crying and I had delusions, I don't understand why this is happening to me, I didn't like any boys before the thoughts appeared, but exactly one day after they appeared, all the boys were attractive, of all ages, I want to recover :( I'm only 17 years old, for about 2 months I've been having thoughts, I don't know what to do, I can't go to a psychologist, I need help :(
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