Dre249

Date posted: 5y

Man I’ve had a tough 8 months, I have HOCD and it’s been hell literally hell. I feel like I want to be straight and that I’ve been playing a character my whole life (15. Years old). I’ve only and ever had sexual/romantic feelings for girls and I love it. But these pst days my desire for women and to have a gf/wife is like mehhh. I was so happy before all this and I just don’t know if I’ve been in deep denial and that I’ve been playing a character (being straight) but not have had a single damn clue or sign that I was bi/gay before HOCD. Now it’s like it’s created a fake reality and it’s like rewrote me past. I feel like I’m not myself and that I won’t be the same. I also saw Aaron Hernandez and that he was gay and his dad thought he was homophobic and stuff, he looks straight as hell. I just I just don’t know anymore. Fuck my life man like what the fuck all my morals and my true self I thought has been like removed. So sad for me

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

I get you man perfectly. When I think about being gay and having to spend a lifetime with men .. I loose all my values it’s like i enter in a chamber. I loose my happyness , I become actually more agressive , more rude.. It’s like idk a dark side.. I just hate it man however we still have to hope. Maybe we should put the wuestion “what about being gay does bother me so much”. Orr when we tell ourselves “man you gay” i think we actually tell ourselves man you inferior to other men, you effeminate, you sissy, no woman would ever like you.. so i think this is a mental system that idk turns on the engines of hocd. Good luck, brother

Dre249

Date posted: 5y

But I’ve lost the desire for girls, but I’m hella unconfident, pretty skinny and low self esteem asf

Dre249

Date posted: 5y

I’ve lost desire to women and it’s like I don’t care about it

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

Man i get you i was through such a period just wake up. Fuck off no matter what your hocd tells no matter what gronials you have GET THE FUCK UP START EATIN START EXERCISIN YOU NOT GAY

Dre249

Date posted: 5y

Why do I feel like I’m bi even though there are no signs before HOCD, what if I’m using HOCD as a cover up

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

@Dre249 Man ok lets say hypothetically you are bi . What is it that bottgers you so much with this thought. When you sau to yourself « I am bi » are you saying I am inferior to other men , I am effeminate , I am sissy , no woman would like me?

Dre249

Date posted: 5y

@Ionut I don’t say I’m by I am inferior and I don’t have confidence or self esteem, I don’t wanna be gay cause I don’t want to have an option I just want gilrs

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

@Dre249 Man i get you really just start focusing on yourself start work out really helps meditate START WORKING ON YOURSELF YOU LL BE WITH THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS AND THEN BELIVE ME EVERY OTHER HOCD TVOUGHT WILL DISAPPEAR BELIVE ME JUST START FOCUSIN ON YOURSEKF AND YOUR SELF ESTEEM MAN AND PRAY AND HAVE CONFIDENCE EVEN WHEN THE WORD FEELS LIKE FALLIN APPART CAUSE THERE WILL BE TIMES WHERE YOU WILL WANT TO GIVE UP

Dre249

Date posted: 5y

@Ionut But these thoughts say I like em and it’s so convincing that I do when I don’t

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

Ok SO YOU LIKE THEN WHAT YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT HUH? DO YOU WANT A PENIS IN YOUR ASS ? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO KISS A BOY? NO YOU DONT IT ALL ABOUT LOW SELF ESTEEM GET THE FUCK UP AND WORK YOURSELF LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT SEX AND « OH NO MY DICK WOKE UP AT THE WRONG TIME OH NOO I FOUND THAT BEAUTIFUL OR IDK RANDOM » GET THE FUCK UP YOU GREAT MAN YOU HAVE THE POTENTIAL IN YOU DONT LET SOME STUPID THOUGHTS CUZ THATS ALL THEY ARE RUIN YOU. IF YOU NOT HAPPY THINKIN ABOUT LIVING AND STAYING NEAR A BOY THEN TRUST ME YOUR NOT GAY

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

EITHER BI

Dre249

Date posted: 5y

Yeah bro even if my HOCD convinced me so much when ever I feel like mysef I’m like “bro what the fuck are you thinking, you ain’t fucking gay/bi” then the doubts come

Dre249

Date posted: 5y

I saw some homophobic people are gay/bi or turn gay/bi and I’m a bit homophobic. Fuuuuuuuck

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

@Dre249 Bro what am i sayingand what are you sayin you ve got a deep fog over your eyes FUCK OFFF PUTTIN QUESTUONS IN YOUR HEAD . Just STOP STOP ALWAYS CHECKING AND ANSWERING BE LIKE OK BOSS I DONT CARE I COULDN T CARE LESS

Dre249

Date posted: 5y

@Ionut So I’m striaght and not changing??

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

@Dre249 No your not changin you still straight it s just a phase relax and dont care cause if you start caring the thought is goin to ocupy more space in your mind

Dre249

Date posted: 5y

@Ionut Bro fuck bro????, I posted on the bisexual reddit server and they said they went through the same thing as me, now I definitely don’t know

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

@Dre249 Yeah . Most of the bi people think they firsly are straight or gay and with the time they get more fluid and start being bi or even gay or even straight. First of all relax . How do you feel idk thinking about having a relationship with the same sex like holding hands kissin ans stuff?

Dre249

Date posted: 5y

@Ionut I don’t want 2 options I only want girls and girls only

Dre249

Date posted: 5y

@Ionut Another man freaks me the fuck out and it’s not for me but my HOCD is trying to force me

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

Man you keep saying the same shit over and over again and i repeat to you over and over again take a deep breath and dont care practice meditation exercise read do somethin productive life is not about sex desires so calm down . I already told you just dont care whatever hocd whispers you

Dre249

Date posted: 5y

I want a wife so bad but I have no desire really

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

@Dre249 Man . Stop saying WHAT YOU WANT AND WHAT YOU RE UNCERTAIN IF. What matters is what you actually do. Stop talking on autohocdpilote and take control by not caring and doin something productive

Dre249

Date posted: 5y

@Ionut But am I straight you think and will I later on laugh at how silly this was and get a wife or is it 50/50 ??

Ionut

Date posted: 5y

No to be honest you probably gay in denial. We both know you d like to kiss and fuck with a man. How that felt? THATS WHAT YOU WANNA HEAR ?? DID THAT MAKE YOU ANXIOUS AND SCREAMIN INSIDE? YES? Then THIS IS FUCKING HOCD . SO STOP PUTTIN SO MANY REASSURANCE QUESTIONS. You re just feeding your fear not stopping it

Dre249

Date posted: 5y

My compulsion is to hit my head when I get a gay thought and this triggered the fuck outa me

Dre249

Date posted: 5y

I got a mini heart attack lmao

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