Genuinely think I might have undiagnosed BPD I just don’t want that label because it sounds FUCKIN insane “Personality disorder” haha nope I don’t wanna be abandoned as it is, the label would ironically leave me vulnerable to people leaving for having no personality yknow, unless it’s considered a fucking DISORDER

Thanks so much for replying (and understanding) I know that, and I have read loads and done loads of those tests (I know they aren’t diagnoses but it gives me an idea) and it resonates with me other than the uncontrollable anger part. I am fairly chill in that respect, although thinking about it I think it’s another mechanism to avoid being abandoned so I try to present as suuuuuuper ?? I hate the term personality disorder, it literally stops me mentioning itnto anykne it sounds like a defect and that you have no personality or substance other than ...mental illness

@uwotm8 Hey I think whilst those forms are great you've got to be careful that you dont obsess about it if you can because doing those forms can become a compulsion. I've had an inkling I may have bpd and taken those tests but really you can only be diagnosed by a professional. Also with regards to the term, its just a name. People who are educated and understanding on mental health wont stigmatise you if you do have it. What do you like to do to try and take your mind off things? Are there any movies you like to watch?

@Daffodil I can’t do anything I enjoy until I have my std results back. My life is literally on hold. I convinced myself o have STDs even tho I have never had one which would result in a breakup I absolutely am not equipped to handle

@uwotm8 Ah okay so getting an STD test was a compulsion then. I understand in a way what you're going through I feel as though my life is on hold as I'm stuck with a horrid false memory and I'm trying to work out every day if it's real until I know I can't get back to normal, ofc I realise that this is a complete catch 22 as the OCD will always make me ask more questions and never find an answer.

@Daffodil Yeah defo a compulsion. It took me about 16-17 tests to actually believe it’s a compulsion and it’s my ocd and not being “sensible” I kept feeling really irresponsible if I didn’t repeatedly test.

@uwotm8 That must have been really scary for you I'm so sorry you went through that. I recommend getting cbt/ERP asap if it worked for you before

@Daffodil Yeah especially when I was getting symptoms then getting tested, then having to WAIT for results, and having the plan them in advance and book time off work and not tell my partner to not open a can of worms ??‍♀️

@uwotm8 Shows how nasty OCD can be, are u in a position to get cbt/ERP?

@uwotm8 Just punched shit out of my leg in frustration cuz he came in from work, said he was going to the shop didn’t kiss me until I asked him to THEN I panicked something was wrong cuz he seemed distant and I worried I annoyed him cuz o had to ASK for affection then he said he was feeling under pressure by going normal things.. What, like fuck off with out a goodbye kiss? Am I unreasonable?

@uwotm8 Hey I think all of what you've described is your OCD there, worrying, ruminating and asking for reassurance. I know that may not help but it might help to realise it's OCD. OCD attacks what is most important to us.

@Daffodil Yeah of course But then my fear of abandonment is so extreme I can’t even function properly anymore Over my dead body

@uwotm8 I think you should arrange cbt/erp as soon as. I promise as bad as it seems right now Itll get better

Hey I'm in a bad way too, I ruminate all the time too it's very scary. I barely do anything all day and I've quit my job. I empthasie I do. Do you have a safety plan in place? You could ring samiratans/or email them if you dont feel like talking. Are you in therapy currently? Keep yourself safe :)

@Daffodil I am safe cuz I don’t wanna risk losing my partner. My life literally revolves around him I can’t even deny it I am kinda in therapy? I’ve been to one session but it was generic counselling while a woman looked at me like this ?

@uwotm8 Okay firstly that great so long as you're safe. Secondly, oh my I have been there. Some therapists really have no idea about OCD, I've seen various counsellors and I knew more than them about OCD. I would recommend finding a CBT/ERP therapist? Are you in a position to get a psychological assessment? Generic counsellors can be good but for specific mental health problems sometimes you need experts, theres no shame in this. I've seen so many therapists and I've had to change, finally I've found one who actually understands OCD. Things will get better I promise.

@Daffodil I thought that’s what I was gonna be getting when I went for my repeated referral appointments! I even mentioned I had cbt for ocd before Then she tried to fix me with logic, yknow, like I have already tried myself before lol ?

@uwotm8 Yes imagine if we could just logic our OCD away??

@Daffodil Luxurious ?

I feel like a freak tho I don’t want a fucked up personality lmaoooooooooohhh no sir ?

@uwotm8 Not fucked up at all and definely not a freak!!

@Cactus8 Well I certainly feel like a lost cause lately ?