I feel like everyone here thinks im a creep because of my previous posts

I was asking whether or not 16-17 year olds can be conventionally attractive and whether or not just acknowledging it is a big deal. I feel like after my OCD hit me I've been noticing a lot more late teenagers than usual and have had the thoughts of like "oh theyre cute, they look nice, whatever." I just don't wanna struggle with false attractions anymore if they are even false to begin with.

@uwotm8 But I feel sick. With OCD it always feels like its just more than that. It makes me feel gross inside my own skin.

@XXXXXXX @XXXXXXX You can think anyone is visually appealing it doesn’t mean anything, going out and touching people would mean something lol

@XXXXXXX Well that’s because ocd is a lying BASTARD

@uwotm8 It's so exhausting and I had a bitch tell me that they find people with OCD annoying. Like....fucking D I E then

@XXXXXXX Well I find people who are insensitive to be massive cunts so, id rather be annoying than a fucking cunt with no real problems who judges people who do ?

@uwotm8 period. If people find us annoying they should make an OCD vaccine instead of being generally worthless.

@XXXXXXX THANK YOU!!! Shit!! If THEY find it annoying, imagine being the one WITH ocd. Can’t escape it no matter how hard we try

@uwotm8 I want it gone so bad. I feel like a sick human being. I feel unlovable like I'm more disgusting than everyone else

@XXXXXXX I feel for you I truly do because I know how it feels. I think about dying a lot lately cuz I dunno how elsento get rid of it I don’t WANT to die, I just don’t know how else to make it go away without me having to too. I’m stubborn tho. And I know people CAN recover so I can too. We are stronger than others because we have to do daily life and deal with wankers on the daily AS WELL as deal with ocd following us and clouding our own judgement. Lots of people can’t even deal with life despite having no mental health problems, which makes THEM pussies

@uwotm8 You gotta get on that ERP shit. It's so hideous but there is LITERALLY no way out. I hate my ERP though. Looking at pictures of minors in swimsuits REALLY?????? I'm not ready for all of that. They even told me I had to SIT AND STARE AT MY MOST DISGUSTING INTRUSIVE IMAGES FOR 5 MINUTES......I DONT WANT TO VOMIT

@XXXXXXX I don’t know how to do erp for std fears tbh I just need to stop being a fucking dick

@XXXXXXX That sounds like such a cruel thing to ask ANYONE to do? Never mind someone battling with thoughts

@uwotm8 to do ERP for std fears is to literally pinpoint when exactly its an OCD worry and when theres a genuine chance that you could have an STD and thats HARD. My advice to you is that if it comes out that youre clean you HAVE to resist getting tested again and you have to accept that if you dont go and get tested, no matter how safe you are when it comes to sex, you still might die and its beyond ANYONEs control. I know that's wayyyy easier said than done but you HAVE to commit. I have a lot of trouble committing to ERP. It makes me feel like fucking garbage and the fact that it doesnt work instantaniously makes it harder for me to do it. And some of the shit they ask me to do is just atrocious. I get scared TO DEATH almost. But I have to. There is literally nothing else I can do except suffer all my life because I was too weak to commit

@XXXXXXX I tried to do erp for it and it just reinforces my fear I’ve never had an std, but I got conjunctivitis and I read online that can be caused by STDs. Fast forward to now, I NEVER FORGOT I had it so any time I touch my eye, I fucking FREAK if I can’t wash my hands. I tried to touch my eye then use the toilet 3 months ago, then I wiped myself with toilet paper my hand touched the eye with. I resisted for 3 months in which I went more and more insane I got tested again on Tuesday but haven’t had the results. I’m a WRECK incase it comes back false positive. My partner will think I cheated and leave me. I can’t accept that. Work is making my life hard on purpose despite knowing I have ocd, I flipped earlier when my results weren’t ready and I smashed a bin in the toilets at work. I’ve been panicking and crying since this morning

@uwotm8 I worried I infected myself with my eye gunk basically. I would NEVER cheat on my partner I love him to fucking death but if it comes back positive I don’t know what I will do

@uwotm8 I refuse to sit on toilet seats too. Last time I did that I had to get myself tested again

@uwotm8 First of all I've had conjunctivitis too and I'm as virgin as the fucking olive oil in my kitchen. Conjunctivitis can happen from irritants like cigarette smoke or allergens or all sorts of other shit. You have to do an ERP ladder with an OCD therapist. You start from the least terrifying to most terrifying exposures. From rubbing your eye and not washing your hands to touching a toilet and then touching your eyes afterwards. You have to do these things. Please please get an OCD therapist. I never want us to have to go back to this app for anything. Book a free session here, or go over to OCDOnline.com or the OCD center in LA and look at your options there. I'm seeing a therapist from OCDOnline and theyre INCREDIBLY competent. It's just that I'm a fucking wreck and I don't make sense anymore.

@XXXXXXX Ah thabks but I can’t even get help here I’m in the uk I’m so lost ? I want to improve I’m just not very trusting of, well, most people anymore I doubt doctors when they say I’m fine physically I am TERRIFIED of abandonment, that shit scares me to DEATH Even death doesn’t scare me, infact I shouldn’t say it but it feels like a legit escape from being abandoned if that happens cuz then I wont have to deal with it I wonder if I have undiagnosed bpd sometimes

@uwotm8 Been wondering about bpd all my life too. And I'm in way bigger of a shithole than the UK. Still didnt stop me from getting help via online skype therapy. It really is not that difficult. It's just not cheap, but you HAVE to.

@uwotm8 I keep worrying about STDs specifically because I’m terrified it will lead to him thinking I cheated when I didn’t and leaving me. I can’t and won’t accept that outcome. I was chucked out suddenly once after a partner of 10 years left me so I’m genuinely not going through that again I’d rather be dead or something

@XXXXXXX They don’t do it for uk users

@uwotm8 Why wouldn't they??? That's odd, I thought OCDOnline did online therapy for literally EVERYWHERE.

@XXXXXXX Oh I thought you meant this app cuz they don’t do any outside America

@uwotm8 Nooo I meant booking a therapist from OCDOnline. Please you have to gather up some money and get some help. I hate seeing you suffer like this. You deserve better.

@XXXXXXX I didn’t even know that was a thing, thanks!! I tried to get an ocd therapist when I went for my referrals. I assumed that’s what I’d get! They’ve just stuck me with a general counsellor who tries to make me see logic and pulls this face at me ? I also tried to get in contact with an old ocd specialist who saw me as a one off as a favour, but can’t set me up for long term care as I don’t live in the same area anymore. I tried the other day calling some ocd group and they didn’t get back to me I’m tired I won’t even give a fuck if I die for whatever reason anymore

@uwotm8 No no. People care about you. You have a literal boyfriend. You need to get better. For me, for you, for him, for everyone else that cares about you. It's either OCDOnline or the OCD center in LA's website. Those are the only options I can recommend to you.

@XXXXXXX Thankyou so much ? He doesn’t know how badly I’m feeling cuz he doesn’t know my theme escalated. I tried to tell him about it and then nature being STDs made him freak and he nearly dumped me. Told me not to open a can of worms so as far as he’s concerned it doesn’t even enter my head now. I feel guilty for having had so many secret tests done but what choice did I have? I couldn’t stop the voice in my head telling me I was gonna infect him and I had to know I wouldn’t. He just thinks I have general anxiety now and that I wash my hands too much but he doesn’t know why

@uwotm8 Your boyfriend needs to educate himself on how OCD works. I swear to god I'm so sick of having like 1 non sufferer friend that just DOESN'T GET IT. Makes me wanna DIE but slap him before that ala "YOU DID THIS TO ME"

@XXXXXXX He’s really understanding about my ocd, but that theme does things to his own brain ? so I can’t bring it up. His ex cheated on him, and obviously STDs isn’t exactly a common thing associated with ocd so it sounds stupid

@uwotm8 Ugh. That SUCKS