Please read this, I just need some help!!! I can't tell whether I have HOCD or not!!! It's tiring me. Can somebody tell me if my signs are common or not please???? 1. I don't feel good whenever I think of females. It feels weird to look at their lips and makes me anxious and I have a lot of heavy breathing from anxiety. 2. I have tactile hallucinations of a girl kissing me with tounge and I feel like there are worms in my throat or something. 3. I have dreams about girls and I never enjoy them. I often sweat and breath heavily and I can't seem to get them out of my head like it's literally etched in me. 4. I self doubt a lot. I check to see if I'm attracted to attractive females and then imagine scenarios with them and determining if I would like it or not. (I never enjoy them) 5. I get happy to think about a boy but my brain convinces me I'm forcing myself though I like it and I want it irl. 6. I don't have any sex drive and I can't remember anymore how it feels to be anxiety free and happy. My brain has convinced me I was living a lie and it's hurting so badly 7. I once came out as gay from anxiety and I didn't feel any freeness or happiness. I was more riddled with anxiety. It didn't make me that "happy" that gay people feel 8. I feel like crying when I think I'm gay/bi/ace. It doesn't feel natural but my brain tells me it is. I don't want to be gay or any other SO. 9. Whenever I think of girls my head spins. Also I feel like I'm a gay in the closet all the time and it makes me sad and depressed. Like there's this constant feeling. 10. I fear in the future I'll get a bf and I won't enjoy anything sexual with him though it feels so good to fantasize and I want it in real life. I'm soo afraid I'll realize I'm gay and I'll marry a girl. Like that's not what I want at all!!! 11. Whenever I imagine stuff with girls I'm distressed but also numb cause it has become so fucking common and I'm so scared im actually gay. Honestly there are so many more I can list out but I'm afraid it's going to be tiring to read and stupid. But please tell me anything, like anything!!!

js94

Date posted: 5y

This sounds like me exactly its hocd

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

My brain is convinced that I'm gay and in denial. I can't tell at this point if I'm forcing myself, having compulsory heterosexuality or if I have internalised homophobia!!!

Jessica3634

Date posted: 5y

Hi- that is very hard and I went through the same things. Do you have a therapist? Mine helped me work through those items above. Ps I commented a few seconds ago then accidentally deleted.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

No I don't have therapist. I can't go to one either since the society I live in stigmatizes it very badly.

IhateOCD99

Date posted: 5y

This also sounds like me. I'm almost sure it's hocd. I'm also very scared about it being hocd or internalized homophobia.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I'm atleast a bit relieved to know that people have felt these things too. I'm always scared too :(

IhateOCD99

Date posted: 5y

@chamomile It's terrifying . 15 minutes ago I had a panic attack about this theme. In the morning I was super scared of having a personality disorder, and now I'm dealing with Hocd. Really strange how quickly different themes changes.. I really know how you feel and how frustrating it is. Please remember that pure OCD can make you feel like anything. These thoughts do NOT say anything about you.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@maxt32 I've had OCD since I was a kid and I was anxious about everything. Explains how that affects me so much :(. I have other subsets and physical issues but my themes keep changing frequently.

IhateOCD99

Date posted: 5y

@chamomile Which themes do you suffer from?

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

@maxt32 HOCD, hygiene/cleanliness OCD, I had suddenly developed ROCD but it thankfully didn't affect me too much. But now I developed contamination OCD because of the news of the Coronavirus spreading

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