- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 5y
You are welcome lulu23. Thank you for sharing! I talk to many clients that struggle with depersonalization and existential obsessive thoughts. Try to focus on them like you would any other obsessive thought. Question the uncertainty of these thoughts and do not move away from the thought until your anxiety has come down and you feel like you can move on. Then move on! Go do something you like, think about what you are grateful for. Challenge that negativity with positive thoughts. I know you can do this! ?
Wow. “They don’t feel like themselves anymore” really hit home
Me too ?
I hope it is helpful to know this is what your symptoms look like. This is not your true self, it is an OCD symptom. Remember who you are, remember what you like to do and who you want to be, that person is there under the uncertainty. Challenge that uncertainty...maybe or maybe not, could it be a symptom. Connect with the thoughts you want to have, the ones that are about the true you. I appreciate all your posts! Thank you for sharing. I hope each one of you ge to work with a trained ERP therapist and learn some great coping mechanisms for stopping this cycle.
But like what if I fall for one of these thoughts and do the harm action? I don’t know if my old self is there
The focus can be on the “what if” that’s the uncertainty mentioned above. Focus on the uncertainty instead of moving to the next behavior which is seeking reassurance, checking in with yourself. That’s what ERP is all about. I hope you are able to get into treatment with a trained ERP therapist who can help you stop these compulsions. Believe me, I understand how difficult it is to let go! Talking about sounds easy, but it is a challenge for sure. However, it works! Wishing you good luck ??
Thank you for this post. Ever since I went off my medication the wrong way (without tapering/doctor telling me it was ok) I have been going through derealization/depersonalization and it’s created so many existential and philosophical thoughts. It has gotten to the point where I can’t separate myself from them at all and I do feel like a different person. I can’t interact with people like I once used to, even my family. Im working hard on just living my life every day and posts like these help so thank you.
I have problems separating from my symptoms of OCD. When I wash my hands, I have to follow the feeling and it has to be of a certain way. If I don't follow the feelings, I might not be able to focus. That's what makes it hard for me to separate myself from my OCD symptoms.
Thank you for sharing Dahliah. Sometimes when you have an obsession like hand washing, your compulsion can be a physical action - like muscle tensing and letting go. Often it can be difficult to tell what the compulsion is because it follows the obsessive thought so closely. This is after some time of obsessing and compulsive. Try working on separating the obsessive thought from the following compulsion - that feeling you get follows something you are doing. Try to pay attention so you can stop yourself from doing that compulsion. It may feel uncomfortable at first to not have that comfortable feeling that allows you to stop washing your hands. This is what ERP is all about - exposure response prevention. Preventing the compulsion to stop the obsessing. Work with a trained ERP specialist to work consistently and you will see results. I wish you good luck in separating!
I’m struggling to “stay who I am” because I feel like I want these things. I feel like I lost my true self and truly want to do these harm thoughts.
I feel like I am losing myself everyday, and I am struggling to "stay who I am" because I want to be able to reach my dreams as a dancer. I have to do my compulsions so I will be able to stay who I am
@Dahliah It sucks but I think the true self is still in us
Right now i have fear of fainting, which makes me rethink in i should go out and play. But i still play. How do i get rid of fear of fainting
The subject of OCD matters to the sufferer because it feels like confirmation that they are fundamentally unlovable and unwanted—as if even existence itself doesn’t want them. They feel like an error, carrying a deep sense of guilt and shame, as if they were inherently wrong. They suffer from low self-esteem and a deep internalized shame, because long ago, they were fragmented and learned a pattern of fundamental distrust—especially self-distrust. But the real trouble doesn’t come from the content of the most vile or taboo thoughts. It comes from the fact that the sufferer lacks self-love. That’s why, when you begin to walk the road to recovery, you’re taught unconditional self-acceptance—because that’s what all sufferers of OCD have in common: if you aren’t 100% sure, if there isn’t absolute certainty, the doubt will continue to attack you and your core values. It will make you doubt everything—even your own aversion to the thoughts. You have to relearn how to trust yourself—not because you accept that you might become a murderer someday—but because you enter a deep state of acceptance about who you truly are. It’s not about becoming a monster at all. It’s about making peace with what lies at the root of the fear. Making peace with the guilt. With the shame. Making peace with yourself and the person you fear you might be. Because that fear is not rooted in reality. It’s not rooted in any true desire to act. It’s rooted in your identity—specifically, in what might threaten it. That’s what confirms the belief that you are fundamentally wrong. And OCD fuels that belief by using intrusive taboo thoughts to attack your very sense of self. But then I wonder: let’s say, for example, someone fears being or becoming a sexually dangerous person—how could that person practice unconditional self-acceptance? I would never accept myself if I were to harm anyone—the thought alone makes me want to cry. I know it’s not about whether or not someone acts on the thought. It’s about the core fear underneath it. So how do you accept yourself when the thoughts—and the feelings around them—feel so completely unacceptable ?
I am learning to shift my center of awareness from trying to control my obsessions to observing my obsessions…the art of detachment. When it comes to OCD, we need to no longer identify with the mind and instead zoom out as the observer…not a critic or judger of the mind who needs to figure it out, control it, fear it, feed it, but simply observe it. From there, our freedom lays. This is the gift of developing sacred presence. Not losing ourselves in intrusive thoughts, but transmuting them into presence, awareness, and choice…the choice of compassion in the face of compulsion, courage in the face of uncertainty, and love in the face of fear. Anyone else practicing this type of detachment from the intrusive thoughts and shifting into the observer of the mind instead of prisoner of the mind?
I’m having an OCD flare right now, and my brain is telling me “you don’t have a sense of self.” A few days ago, I felt confident and grounded. But today, my brain is looping on every reason why I must be “unstable.” For me, the things that trigger this fear are: • Looking back at past versions of myself and feeling like they don’t fit who I am now. • Cycling through different interests and worrying that means I’m just trying to “be someone.” • Feeling doubtful when my mood shifts (like going from confident one day to grumpy the next). Questioning my treatment choices: one day thinking I need OCD residential, the next deciding I’m fine sticking with my therapist. OCD tells me this back-and-forth means I’m unstable. • OCD telling me, “See? This must mean you have BPD.” Logically, I know people change interests, grow out of past phases, and feel differently depending on context. I also know I have consistent themes (music (specifically metal, electronic, rap (but of course my OCD makes me question if I really like it), horses, fairness, sensuality, authenticity, health, art, certain aesthetics… etc.). But when OCD flares, it makes me doubt everything and convinces me I have no solid identity. I’m also PMSing, tired, and hungry right now, which makes the OCD voice louder. It feels real, even though I can recognize it’s probably just OCD doing its thing. Note I also have ADHD + OCPD + BDD I have been told by four therapists and one psych that I do not have BPD. But of course “what if they’re wrong.” “What if they’re not telling me.”
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond