- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 5y
You are welcome lulu23. Thank you for sharing! I talk to many clients that struggle with depersonalization and existential obsessive thoughts. Try to focus on them like you would any other obsessive thought. Question the uncertainty of these thoughts and do not move away from the thought until your anxiety has come down and you feel like you can move on. Then move on! Go do something you like, think about what you are grateful for. Challenge that negativity with positive thoughts. I know you can do this! ?
Wow. “They don’t feel like themselves anymore” really hit home
Me too ?
I hope it is helpful to know this is what your symptoms look like. This is not your true self, it is an OCD symptom. Remember who you are, remember what you like to do and who you want to be, that person is there under the uncertainty. Challenge that uncertainty...maybe or maybe not, could it be a symptom. Connect with the thoughts you want to have, the ones that are about the true you. I appreciate all your posts! Thank you for sharing. I hope each one of you ge to work with a trained ERP therapist and learn some great coping mechanisms for stopping this cycle.
But like what if I fall for one of these thoughts and do the harm action? I don’t know if my old self is there
The focus can be on the “what if” that’s the uncertainty mentioned above. Focus on the uncertainty instead of moving to the next behavior which is seeking reassurance, checking in with yourself. That’s what ERP is all about. I hope you are able to get into treatment with a trained ERP therapist who can help you stop these compulsions. Believe me, I understand how difficult it is to let go! Talking about sounds easy, but it is a challenge for sure. However, it works! Wishing you good luck ??
Thank you for this post. Ever since I went off my medication the wrong way (without tapering/doctor telling me it was ok) I have been going through derealization/depersonalization and it’s created so many existential and philosophical thoughts. It has gotten to the point where I can’t separate myself from them at all and I do feel like a different person. I can’t interact with people like I once used to, even my family. Im working hard on just living my life every day and posts like these help so thank you.
I have problems separating from my symptoms of OCD. When I wash my hands, I have to follow the feeling and it has to be of a certain way. If I don't follow the feelings, I might not be able to focus. That's what makes it hard for me to separate myself from my OCD symptoms.
Thank you for sharing Dahliah. Sometimes when you have an obsession like hand washing, your compulsion can be a physical action - like muscle tensing and letting go. Often it can be difficult to tell what the compulsion is because it follows the obsessive thought so closely. This is after some time of obsessing and compulsive. Try working on separating the obsessive thought from the following compulsion - that feeling you get follows something you are doing. Try to pay attention so you can stop yourself from doing that compulsion. It may feel uncomfortable at first to not have that comfortable feeling that allows you to stop washing your hands. This is what ERP is all about - exposure response prevention. Preventing the compulsion to stop the obsessing. Work with a trained ERP specialist to work consistently and you will see results. I wish you good luck in separating!
I’m struggling to “stay who I am” because I feel like I want these things. I feel like I lost my true self and truly want to do these harm thoughts.
I feel like I am losing myself everyday, and I am struggling to "stay who I am" because I want to be able to reach my dreams as a dancer. I have to do my compulsions so I will be able to stay who I am
@Dahliah It sucks but I think the true self is still in us
Right now i have fear of fainting, which makes me rethink in i should go out and play. But i still play. How do i get rid of fear of fainting
I few years ago, I did self-harm a few times, and then I got super into spirituality, and about a year ago, I remembered I did self-harm and ever since haven't been able to shake the guilt off... Constantly, every day, my mind would make me feel guilty about it and think about it all day. It's like my brain knew the thought that I could/ have cut myself scared me, so it kept bringing it up. My family had no idea I had ever done this, so my OCD told me I was a liar for not telling them about every day. I was afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore and send me to a mental hospital if I told them. About 2-3 months ago, I had gotten so fed up with having these thoughts every day and confessed to my mom what I had done, and her reaction was great. And I thought I'd never have thoughts about when I did self-harm again because I finally confessed. I was wrong. Even with people telling me that it's okay, I did that, I can't shake the guilt I had around this event, and even more so the fear/guilt around my own thoughts... My therapist and I talk about how the problem isn't the thoughts but what the OCD does to them. I try to create positive neural pathways, but that just makes me more stressed about it. There are things I'm supposed to tell myself when I feel negative, but I think I get that confused and tell myself those things every time I have thoughts about what I did. Which is feeding into a mental compulsion (replacing every "bad" thought with a "good" one. What works for me is (if I can) do nothing and have the thoughts... It's been hard to get better because I have had no idea what's been happening to me and felt like for the last year I was going crazy... I always thought OCD was cleaning stuff and physical compulsions . Everything that happened to me happened in my head. On the worst days when my OCD is really bad, every single time I was conscious and aware, I was thinking about the fact that I did self-harm. I would lie in bed all day trying to figure out my thoughts because I thought if I watched TV, I would be avoiding important things. I thought I had to figure out all my thoughts. I would ruminate, replay, and second-guess all. day. long. It was hard to recognize it was OCD because I thought I had done something seriously bad and wrong, and that I must deserve these thoughts. I think the trick is that you feel like you must have positive thoughts, and the most distressing thing wasn't necessarily the fact that I did self-harm, but the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I find the best thing you can do is just have all your thoughts in your head and try not to separate them from good and bad, if you can. It's nice to have people who understand!!!! More to come, about the journey. My favorite thing to say when I'm stuck is "that sly devil... OCD. Silly OCD is getting to me right now, but it won't last forever. That sneaky guy tricked me again" Love you!!!
So... I few years ago, I did self-harm a few times, and then I got super into spirituality, and about a year ago, I remembered I did self-harm and ever since haven't been able to shake the guilt off... Constantly, every day, my mind would make me feel guilty about it and think about it all day. It's like my brain knew the thought that I could/ have cut myself scared me, so it kept bringing it up. My family had no idea I had ever done this, so my OCD told me I was a liar for not telling them about every day. I was afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore and send me to a mental hospital if I told them. About 2-3 months ago, I had gotten so fed up with having these thoughts every day and confessed to my mom what I had done, and her reaction was great. And I thought I'd never have thoughts about when I did self-harm again because I finally confessed. I was wrong. Even with people telling me that it's okay, I did that, I can't shake the guilt I had around this event, and even more so the fear/guilt around my own thoughts... My therapist and I talk about how the problem isn't the thoughts but what the OCD does to them. I try to create positive neural pathways, but that just makes me more stressed about it. There are things I'm supposed to tell myself when I feel negative, but I think I get that confused and tell myself those things every time I have thoughts about what I did. Which is feeding into a mental compulsion (replacing every "bad" thought with a "good" one. What works for me is (if I can) do nothing and have the thoughts... It's been hard to get better because I have had no idea what's been happening to me and felt like for the last year I was going crazy... I always thought OCD was cleaning stuff and physical compulsions . Everything that happened to me happened in my head. On the worst days when my OCD is really bad, every single time I was conscious and aware, I was thinking about the fact that I did self-harm. I would lie in bed all day trying to figure out my thoughts because I thought if I watched TV, I would be avoiding important things. I thought I had to figure out all my thoughts. I would ruminate, replay, and second-guess all. day. long. It was hard to do any of the things I loved; OCD took the joy out of it. It was hard to recognize it was OCD because I thought I had done something seriously bad and wrong, and that I must deserve these thoughts. I think the trick is that you feel like you must have positive thoughts, and the most distressing thing wasn't necessarily the fact that I did self-harm, but the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I find the best thing you can do is just have all your thoughts in your head and try not to separate them from good and bad, if you can. It's nice to have people who understand!!!! More to come, about the journey. My favorite thing to say when I'm stuck is "that sly devil... OCD. Silly OCD is getting to me right now, but it won't last forever. That sneaky guy tricked me again." Love you!!!
The subject of OCD matters to the sufferer because it feels like confirmation that they are fundamentally unlovable and unwanted—as if even existence itself doesn’t want them. They feel like an error, carrying a deep sense of guilt and shame, as if they were inherently wrong. They suffer from low self-esteem and a deep internalized shame, because long ago, they were fragmented and learned a pattern of fundamental distrust—especially self-distrust. But the real trouble doesn’t come from the content of the most vile or taboo thoughts. It comes from the fact that the sufferer lacks self-love. That’s why, when you begin to walk the road to recovery, you’re taught unconditional self-acceptance—because that’s what all sufferers of OCD have in common: if you aren’t 100% sure, if there isn’t absolute certainty, the doubt will continue to attack you and your core values. It will make you doubt everything—even your own aversion to the thoughts. You have to relearn how to trust yourself—not because you accept that you might become a murderer someday—but because you enter a deep state of acceptance about who you truly are. It’s not about becoming a monster at all. It’s about making peace with what lies at the root of the fear. Making peace with the guilt. With the shame. Making peace with yourself and the person you fear you might be. Because that fear is not rooted in reality. It’s not rooted in any true desire to act. It’s rooted in your identity—specifically, in what might threaten it. That’s what confirms the belief that you are fundamentally wrong. And OCD fuels that belief by using intrusive taboo thoughts to attack your very sense of self. But then I wonder: let’s say, for example, someone fears being or becoming a sexually dangerous person—how could that person practice unconditional self-acceptance? I would never accept myself if I were to harm anyone—the thought alone makes me want to cry. I know it’s not about whether or not someone acts on the thought. It’s about the core fear underneath it. So how do you accept yourself when the thoughts—and the feelings around them—feel so completely unacceptable ?
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