- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 5y
You are welcome lulu23. Thank you for sharing! I talk to many clients that struggle with depersonalization and existential obsessive thoughts. Try to focus on them like you would any other obsessive thought. Question the uncertainty of these thoughts and do not move away from the thought until your anxiety has come down and you feel like you can move on. Then move on! Go do something you like, think about what you are grateful for. Challenge that negativity with positive thoughts. I know you can do this! ?
Wow. “They don’t feel like themselves anymore” really hit home
Me too ?
I hope it is helpful to know this is what your symptoms look like. This is not your true self, it is an OCD symptom. Remember who you are, remember what you like to do and who you want to be, that person is there under the uncertainty. Challenge that uncertainty...maybe or maybe not, could it be a symptom. Connect with the thoughts you want to have, the ones that are about the true you. I appreciate all your posts! Thank you for sharing. I hope each one of you ge to work with a trained ERP therapist and learn some great coping mechanisms for stopping this cycle.
But like what if I fall for one of these thoughts and do the harm action? I don’t know if my old self is there
The focus can be on the “what if” that’s the uncertainty mentioned above. Focus on the uncertainty instead of moving to the next behavior which is seeking reassurance, checking in with yourself. That’s what ERP is all about. I hope you are able to get into treatment with a trained ERP therapist who can help you stop these compulsions. Believe me, I understand how difficult it is to let go! Talking about sounds easy, but it is a challenge for sure. However, it works! Wishing you good luck ??
Thank you for this post. Ever since I went off my medication the wrong way (without tapering/doctor telling me it was ok) I have been going through derealization/depersonalization and it’s created so many existential and philosophical thoughts. It has gotten to the point where I can’t separate myself from them at all and I do feel like a different person. I can’t interact with people like I once used to, even my family. Im working hard on just living my life every day and posts like these help so thank you.
I have problems separating from my symptoms of OCD. When I wash my hands, I have to follow the feeling and it has to be of a certain way. If I don't follow the feelings, I might not be able to focus. That's what makes it hard for me to separate myself from my OCD symptoms.
Thank you for sharing Dahliah. Sometimes when you have an obsession like hand washing, your compulsion can be a physical action - like muscle tensing and letting go. Often it can be difficult to tell what the compulsion is because it follows the obsessive thought so closely. This is after some time of obsessing and compulsive. Try working on separating the obsessive thought from the following compulsion - that feeling you get follows something you are doing. Try to pay attention so you can stop yourself from doing that compulsion. It may feel uncomfortable at first to not have that comfortable feeling that allows you to stop washing your hands. This is what ERP is all about - exposure response prevention. Preventing the compulsion to stop the obsessing. Work with a trained ERP specialist to work consistently and you will see results. I wish you good luck in separating!
I’m struggling to “stay who I am” because I feel like I want these things. I feel like I lost my true self and truly want to do these harm thoughts.
I feel like I am losing myself everyday, and I am struggling to "stay who I am" because I want to be able to reach my dreams as a dancer. I have to do my compulsions so I will be able to stay who I am
@Dahliah It sucks but I think the true self is still in us
Right now i have fear of fainting, which makes me rethink in i should go out and play. But i still play. How do i get rid of fear of fainting
I have just recently realized that I had SO OCD. This began whenever I was watching porn and had an intrusive thought about the guy in the porn. It was more minor at first, it was a majority of what I was thinking about throughout the day but it didn’t feel as distressing at first. If I had downtime to think about it, it would affect me but if I was just going about my day I wouldn’t notice it. I began going through the compulsions of checking myself. This lasted for a while until another obsession occurred. Then it seemed as if my SO OCD took a step back. I would have flare ups but they would seem to pass. Recently, I had a very bad night of constant compulsions and looking at pictures and imagining things to check myself. After that night it was very distressing, it affected me to the point where people around me began to notice and ask me if I was okay. One of the big reasons I was so upset was my girlfriend, we have been together for over 3 years and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I was thinking “Oh my god, if I am gay I can never be with her.” I would sit and cry about it thinking I would lose her and that might life would change because I was gay. I finally had enough and talked to her and my parents. We did some research and I was so shocked to find out that I had a form of OCD, it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders just knowing that other people have been where I am and that I’m not gay. However, I may have naively expected the compulsions and obsessive thoughts to go away now that I knew I had an actual problem. But I found that the compulsions and thoughts were still there and I was going to put some effort into getting better. I have researched and now know what to do when experiencing intrusive thoughts, yet I still have been performing the compulsions which is just feeding into the OCD. I find myself having intrusive thoughts and then start performing compulsions to see if they are true. What really bothers me is when I have an intrusive thought that tells me that I do like something. But when I think about it I have no desire to pursue those thoughts. However when I feed into the compulsions they just seem to feed into each other. It is like my OCD ignores all the things that I know I like and goes straight to panic mode. I am also trying to do ERP and am going to start doing my best to get better. Does anyone have any tips for not performing the compulsions no matter how anxious you are feeling and no matter how real the intrusive thoughts seem to feel?
I was just thinking about how OCD tries to be tricky and switches themes on us!! The amount of times I have said to myself in the past, IF ONLY I HAD THE OLDER THEME I USE TO WORRY ABOUT BECAUSE THIS NEW ONE IS SO MUCH WORSE!!! Has anyone ever experienced this before? Once I started ERP therapy, I began to really start understanding what mental/physical compulsions I was doing to really keep my OCD alive! While I did this, I would also tap into my self-compassion bucket, even when it felt like it was dry at times, because it was SO easy to judge myself for because of the sheer presence of my thoughts. I would also have the most self-compassion for myself for those taboo intrusive thoughts that really felt so strong, ego-dystonic and real!!! My OCD would hop around from theme to theme and just when I thought I figured it out (compulsion) it would hop again and make me discouraged! I noticed for me that once I really understood my compulsions, it didn't matter when the theme switched as I could tackle it at its core. If I was able to stay steadfast and resist compulsions the best I could, I started to notice that my CONFIDENCE increased in the long run! I also noticed that some of the core fears were the same for different OCD subtypes. OCD treatment is hard BUT living with OCD is harder. I have experienced subtypes including Harm OCD, ROCD, Moral Scrupulosity, Sensorimotor, Contamination, Perfectionism/Just Right, Hit and Run, Magical Thinking, Real Event/False Memory. ERP therapy allowed me to really work on stopping these compulsions and switching from theme to theme. I was fed up with what OCD took from me and I needed to do something about it. I talked to an ERP therapist and it was one of the best decisions of my life. If you are struggling, keep pushing and get the help you deserve!! You got this!!!
So... I few years ago, I did self-harm a few times, and then I got super into spirituality, and about a year ago, I remembered I did self-harm and ever since haven't been able to shake the guilt off... Constantly, every day, my mind would make me feel guilty about it and think about it all day. It's like my brain knew the thought that I could/ have cut myself scared me, so it kept bringing it up. My family had no idea I had ever done this, so my OCD told me I was a liar for not telling them about every day. I was afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore and send me to a mental hospital if I told them. About 2-3 months ago, I had gotten so fed up with having these thoughts every day and confessed to my mom what I had done, and her reaction was great. And I thought I'd never have thoughts about when I did self-harm again because I finally confessed. I was wrong. Even with people telling me that it's okay, I did that, I can't shake the guilt I had around this event, and even more so the fear/guilt around my own thoughts... My therapist and I talk about how the problem isn't the thoughts but what the OCD does to them. I try to create positive neural pathways, but that just makes me more stressed about it. There are things I'm supposed to tell myself when I feel negative, but I think I get that confused and tell myself those things every time I have thoughts about what I did. Which is feeding into a mental compulsion (replacing every "bad" thought with a "good" one. What works for me is (if I can) do nothing and have the thoughts... It's been hard to get better because I have had no idea what's been happening to me and felt like for the last year I was going crazy... I always thought OCD was cleaning stuff and physical compulsions . Everything that happened to me happened in my head. On the worst days when my OCD is really bad, every single time I was conscious and aware, I was thinking about the fact that I did self-harm. I would lie in bed all day trying to figure out my thoughts because I thought if I watched TV, I would be avoiding important things. I thought I had to figure out all my thoughts. I would ruminate, replay, and second-guess all. day. long. It was hard to do any of the things I loved; OCD took the joy out of it. It was hard to recognize it was OCD because I thought I had done something seriously bad and wrong, and that I must deserve these thoughts. I think the trick is that you feel like you must have positive thoughts, and the most distressing thing wasn't necessarily the fact that I did self-harm, but the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I find the best thing you can do is just have all your thoughts in your head and try not to separate them from good and bad, if you can. It's nice to have people who understand!!!! More to come, about the journey. My favorite thing to say when I'm stuck is "that sly devil... OCD. Silly OCD is getting to me right now, but it won't last forever. That sneaky guy tricked me again." Love you!!!
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