Hey, I wanna share something. I have cocd, which is triggered by the things that I believe are "dirty". But they are not necessarily dirty, they rather remind me of bad memories, some really sad moments of my life. There were rituals and long hours spent on cleaning myself, but I could cope. It was bad and every day was a struggle, but compared to the next paragraph, it was still fine. Next, came this miserable time in my life, a few months, and some of the things I used back then are still massively contaminated, like clothes, pillows, some small objects. I threw almost all of them away and I even moved, because I believed everything there was contaminated. This few months were scary, dark and lonely. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about this time. It was better afterwards, after I moved and started a new life like one year ago. I'm better now, not good, but better. Compared to earlier, I feel like I'm on holidays. I live together with my boyfriend and he does not know. I really really love him, I want to be "normal" and live a happy life with him. Just the fact that he's with me, helps me a lot. Sometimes I think, that I can resign of all of my rituals and just focus on being with him and pursuing my dreams. And I keep asking myself, is that possible? Or ocd will hit me twice as hard if I do this? The thing with me is, that I do little rituals that I can skip if I try, but there are big things like going clean to bed. If I'm not sure if I was clean going to bed, I will clean all of the bed sheets the next day and all of the things that I contaminated. With my bf, when we are sleeping together, it won't be possible, so I try hard to be clean before sleeping. I can be dirty all day, if I just put my clothes in the washing machine at the end if the day. But if I go to sleep dirty, there is going to be hell. I would need to cleam everything. There were two times when I "let go of all the rituals" and it ended badly. But at times, I didn't have loving bf that was near me. So, would it work now? To just let go? Or it will just make things worse?