Tell me your point of view on this, I beg you. I feel like for me it is all or nothing. I have this small rituals, like placing things in the certain way and I can easily skip them. But the main danger is feeling "dirty". I can be dirty all day without consequences, but If l'm "dirty" while going to sleep, the only soultion in the morning is to clean everything. Wash the sheets, clothes, things that I touched. What I'm trying to say is that if I fail, even in the littlest thing, the only solution for my ocd will be to clean everything. Cleaning just a little won't help. Everything or nothing. Cleaning everything means starting exercises from the beginning, cleaning takes hours or a whole day. And I live together with my boyfriend, he does not know, but just his presence helps me a lot. It's because of him that I feel like I could go all in. I can't change sheets every day. So I feel like I can't go step by step, I feel like I need to go all in. In ERP you face being uncomfortable step by step, but as I say, there is no mild version for me. Small rituals doesn't matter, lately I skip them all the time and I'm fine with it. But if I let go of just one thing connected to being dirty, do not fix it in the evening and go to sleep dirty, it will jump to the extremum. And as time will pass by, I will touch more things, wear more clothes, so there will be more and more dirty things around me and I will need to ignore it. If I want to keep exercising, I need to resist cleaning sheets, clothes and myself (cleaning myself as a compulsion), so I will be uncomfortable all the time. Every single minute. If I do this one step, the only step there is, the only that matters, I will be extremely uncomfortable all the time. Not for a while, it won't be a short exercise. Because of my boyfriend, I feel like I can go all in and somehow it will turn out fine, just because he is with me, loves me and I love him and I want for us to have a "normal", happy life. I believe I can't go step by step, because there is just this ultimate step of going to bed "dirty". I'm ready to go all in, but I wonder, is it even possible to turn out fine this way?

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

Recent research shows that what matters most is reaching the too of the hierarchy. The order of exposures to get there isn't important, as long as we are successful with ritual prevention. So, you figure out what works for you. I am wondering whether there's maybe a second obsessive theme here about doing things completely/avoiding incompleteness. If that's the case, you'll want to construct some erp around doing things half way, even if it isn't with cleaning. Also, kudos to you for cutting out the small comoulsions!

Lavvy

Date posted: 5y

I like to finish doing things, but I think that's because of my character. I can easily leave things unfinished and I feel fine. I believe it is just about cleaning. Does it mean that I can do the thing that I described, the only thing that there is, that will bring me 10 out of 10 level of feeling uncomfortable and if I survive prevention, which probably will be extremely hard, I can succeed? I think that I ask so many questions, because I just need to believe that it is possible and the pain will be worth the result.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

In theory, yes, as long as you are prepared to do it again and again. Exposures don't work the first time around. It takes repetition

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