Anybody every have their anxiety go away (or tune down) but the bad thoughts still keep going? Then I'm calm and not in a panicked state anymore but the thoughts are still there, which in turn makes me scared that this last bad run of OCD the past 2 years has changed me actually into all the bad things I dont want and have been worrying about... Which is not the case! Then in turn the anxiety comes back. These thoughts dont support who I am as a person or align with my beliefs, so I cant be "okay with the thoughts" even if I know the thoughts arent me... Thats just how my brain is and how Ive always been. Even if I know I cant stop thoughts. My head is in an endless loop full of oxymorons and terrible thoughts to the point EVERYTHING is a trigger (I hate that word) and this loop is so strong that any good content I put in my head gets pushed aside and forgotten, and/or twisted and tainted into something very negative. Life is hell. I know who I am but always freak out as if I'm questioning who I am.... But I'm not actually questioning who I am at the same time!! I know who I am, Its just words in my head that literally say the literal opposite of everything I want or believe in and provoke bad reactions. Then the words come back without anxiety sometimes and its awful because I dont want to think these thoughts without anxiety accompanying them... Because they're so bad I'd be even more worried if I didnt get scared, anxious, grossed out, etc at them! I know beating up on myself isnt helpful as it makes the thoughts stick worse, but I CANNOT be okay with them. Its wrong, sick, and even if it wasnt wrong or sick, it still just isnt me!! People say there is peace in accepting the uncertainty of the thoughts, but I am very certain they are bad and NOT me, and I REFUSE to even entertain the idea of otherwise. All this is one of the many reasons why mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy, and exposure therapy makes stuff worse for me. I want a therapist, but more somebody to just let me talk, and be like "Damn, thats heavy man, but you're right, you ARENT those things and you got this" but instead, everybody tries all this "accept your thoughts" bullshit which just warps my head and makes shit worse. Anybody else experience similar experiences?

fruflamuresa

Date posted: 5y

I hate when someone tells me to accept my thoughts bc theyre not okay...

fruflamuresa

Date posted: 5y

According to me theyre not okay*

Jaye

Date posted: 5y

Exactly! But the most important thing is that YOU know that. While it might scare us we, know what is right and wrong, what is us and what isnt. Thoughts can play into who we are, but sometimes they can also just be bad thoughts and nothing more (even though they feel extremely significant), and the important thing is that you recognize that. Keep your head up!

chinarider

Date posted: 5y

I know exactly what you mean but the whole idea behind it isn’t being ok with the content of the thoughts but rather being ok with the presence of the thoughts. Of course they are terrible thoughts but you having them doesn’t make you a terrible person. Think of them like bait that ocd using when it’s fishing for your attention. And yes I have experienced times where my anxiety left but the thoughts remained but that was just another trick of ocd trying to get me to think something was still wrong with me since the thoughts remained. Over time if you stop analyzing and engaging they will leave but anxiety will go away before that point is reached.

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