so i’m 17, and i have a friend who’s 14. we’ve become really close throughout the past few months, and we both like girls so when we first met, we had a bit of a crush on each other. i was 16 then, but when i found out she was 14 i didn’t feel interested anymore because i thought that she was too young to date. for a bit of back story, i went through severe childhood sexual abuse when i was younger which causes me to not let anyone to touch me even today. i haven’t held my own mother in a long time, i’ve never kissed anyone or cuddled, done anything sexual, etc. we’ve been trying to help each other through our own traumas, and she suggested that i let her start trying to touch me more, which i was apprehensive about but i thought maybe it would be good. she started holding my hand when we walked down the hall, hugging me, and we cuddled with each other both of the two times we hung out. i felt fine about it, but the second time we cuddled just felt off, and i think she was thinking of it as a romantic thing and it made me uncomfortable. in the middle i told her i didn’t want to do it anymore and she got mad at me which prompted me to just deal with it and let her cuddle me again. i feel upset about this, because i was uncomfortable, but also because i feel like i’ve made her feel romantically toward me by allowing her to do this and i’m the older one so i should’ve told her no ? it’s been bothering me obsessively, i’m scared that i led her on and the age difference in general makes me uncomfortable ^^^ this was a post i made yesterday, today i told her how i was feeling and how i was scared that she felt romantically toward me and it turns out that she did. she said she needed to end our friendship because of it, which i understand, but i’m so devastated. i feel like this is going to turn into an obsession of mine, feeling like i didn’t handle the situation well and however she acts out because of this is going to be my fault. i feel at an all time low. i just wish she wouldn’t have feelings for me, or i wish we could stay friends and just stop trying to help each other through our trauma. i don’t know how to come back from this.