I wanna talk about something pretty serious and pretty complicated relating to my guilt. If I say something wrong, please tell me and I'll correct myself. I don't wanna be a bad person and I don't know what to do.

Ok, thank you, but did you read my post? I wanted to kind of gather opinions on the questions that haunt me. I wanna know what's the correct way of thinking, proceeding with the situations that bother me and idk if I should rely on myself for finding the solution.

I was talking with a friend of mine whos like possibly my most honest and morally driven friend and also has OCD and like....There are multiple OCD psychologist that have stated that in some extremely rare cases POCD-ers check using CP. I'm willing to believe it but I don't know how to handle it. On one hand it's incredibly fucked up and one of the worst things that they as a human being can do, yet the intent isn't malicious - that's what fucks me up. I'm on the opinion that I wouldn't forgive them for allowing themselves to get to that point and for not stopping themselves at some point, but at the same time, I wouldn't forbid them from moving on. Is that weird or bad? Everything is so complicated and I don't wanna be a bad person and IDK what to think.

@XXXXXXX I struggle with POCD and have thought about looking at CP but I would never do it. Children don't deserve to be exploited like that and I know the consequences are worse than my uncertainty. Honestly if anyone looked at it I would be appalled.. maybe a person with POCD i would feel for a little more but I'd still be upset.

@sunshineinabag Back when my OCD had first started I was desperate for a solution to my problem and I remember going to the twitter page of an artist who used to draw that gross shit and I scrolled twice, didn't see anything bad and I was terrified to scroll further and I just turned it off and started crying. I still feel like an absolute sick fuck after all that and I don't know if I deserve to... It's all so complicated and awful.

@XXXXXXX I understand what youre going through. Just know that it's OCD making you have these thoughts and feelings and they don't necessarily reflect who you are. Your actions speak louder than your thoughts.

@sunshineinabag It's not just OCD. It's just the general humanity in me being like "how did you get to that point?" and it makes me feel so small and pathetic. I hate feeling like I'm a terrible human being and all these thoughts and creepy compulsions and all this shit......I feel sick

@Greenwhale I know it's a compulsion but just the optics of it SCREAM nightmarish accusations like the one I lived through a while ago. I hate it.

@Greenwhale Of course. I've been with a therapist for months now. They really do help me get better but it's the more human and like ethical and deeper side of the illness that I struggle with.

@XXXXXXX Serious question, after you scared you might be a paedophile or after you scared of being unfairly branded one when you know you are not? There isn't a lot of difference in either, but how you use ERP may be slightly different.

@Riso123 Why can't you people understand that when you have SEXUAL OBSESSIONS the phrase "you either know or you don't" DOESN'T APPLY. I cannot get rid of my obsession by telling myself "oh you're not like this". I used to do that before therapy and it made things worse because it was a compulsion.

Wait I haven't looked at shit??? I didn't see any CP when I went on that artists twitter. I scrolled down a couple times, got scared and turned it off.

And this was INCREDIBLY long ago. Like almost a YEAR ago. I haven't done anything like that since and I'd rather die than do it

@XXXXXXX Calm down. I realise you haven't. I was just saying that in itself that would be an unhealthy ERP thing to do. I also misread your post and thought you where thinking of trying it, but realise that's not what you said. I understand you agree in an immensely stressful state right now. I wouldn't usually say or suggest this but do you babe any anti anxiety medication you could take for now, just to calm the extreme thoughts your having? It sounds like you thought cycling continuously, which is going to be hell too break without some form of medical or professional intervention?

@Riso123 I'm not having a full blown anxiety attack. I'm just noticing a pattern of people on here not reading everything thoroughly and then saying something completely incriminating towards me. I don't know whether or not I'm a horrible person but I'm not trying to be. So please. I always feel targeted on this app at this point. Anyways my worry was more with the regret, the remorse, the redeemability, and I wanna find out what I deserve

@XXXXXXX Why would you be a horrible person? You HAVEN'T done anything. Ask those feelings\thoughts you have after nothing more than OCD. Try to think of these as a seperate part to echo you actually after. Without OCD you are a normal, average person with no worries. Your OCD IS your worries, your negative thoughts and your continual self doubt. Instead of concentrating on and trying to make sense of all those thoughts and worries, try talking directly to the OCD which is driving them. "Yeah yeah, I'm a terrible person. Yeah I'm the biggest paedo in the world, blah blah blah. But guess what, I know you are simply OCD, so fuck you and the shit you bring, I'm having a night off".

@XXXXXXX I know it's easy got me to say this and it's the hardest thing in the world to seperate the OCD to who you really ate, but it really does help if you can manage to do it.

@Riso123 I am absolutely not gonna do that. What I'm gonna do is log off because I honestly feel like yall are trying to get me killed.

@Riso123 You are your actions. My actions are sometimes directly inspired by OCD telling me to do them. I cannot separate anything. I just want it to stop

@XXXXXXX I'm not sure why you feel like that and I'm sorry you do.

@XXXXXXX By actions you mean your compulsions? They 100% are not a part of you. They are a part of OCD. However you have a choice of weather to act on them. All a therapist will do is challenge your compulsions and then make you live with the unknown. It's damn hard, but you can do it. For me separating the OCD from the real me makes it easier. Fair enough if this won't work for you, but you need to find the action that does work for you. You wanting it to stop who'll not somehow make it stop. Only by taking steps to stop it will it stop.

@Riso123 I just wanna feel like a good person. I want this to go away and I want to have a normal life and make people happy. I'm sick of this looming over my head

@XXXXXXX Of course you do. You will never be free of OCD, but it can improve. But only if you take steps to work to improve things. After you seeing a therapist or on any meds?

@Riso123 Therapist.

@XXXXXXX How long so far? It takes time. Have you taken meds before? Would it be something you might consider until the overshoot kicks in enough for you to function better off then?

@Riso123 A few months. It gets better with every ERP exercise and no I don't wanna get on meds.

@XXXXXXX You will get there. Sounds like you still have a way to go though. I started meds again on Sunday after a year and a half off them. don't plan on the long term this time, but just until the Therapy is working for me. Been on and off since I was 15 and I'm 38 now, so nothing new to me, but only had OCD for two years. I wish you all the best and really hope you stay feeling better soon.