I had ocd since I was 2. That’s crazy right? The doctors diagnosed me when I was two. I still have it. I am 18. I struggle with it a lot. I’m scared of things I shouldn’t be. Like the dark. Fear is associated with ocd. I’m scared all of the time. About everything. My family dying especially. I think about it on a daily. My ocd controls a lot of me. Fear is just one of the many things that’s going on in my mind. It’s torture but I can’t stop. I also struggle with depression, anxiety and tics. Tics is a physical form of ocd. That’s torturous also. Sometimes I’m moving that particular body part without even noticing. Most times I know I’m doing it but I can’t stop. Even if ppl are looking which is embarrassing. While doing it, it hurts over time so I have health issues. Yes it hurts but I cannot stop. I also have social issues. I can’t read social cues. I can’t all the way trust myself in a social setting. I don’t know if I should keep talking or stop. Or sometimes when I talk it leaves an awkward silence. I can’t tell what ppl are feeling unless they outright say it. I like direct ppl. I also have a problem with processing. You have to repeat things a couple of times because it takes my brain a while to process what it being said. People get mad and think I’m not listening but I am. I just haven’t heard it yet. If that makes sense. I also take things very literal. If we are talking about something as a class and my instructor tells me to right something on the board, obviously pertaining to the subject, I will write “something” on the board. It’s happened and it’s embarrassing. I hope all of these things I have go away one day.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

Did you get any professional support over the years?

j26

Date posted: 5y

Yes I have. I’ve been to ocd camps and I’ve been in and out of hospitals for years so they can determine everything I have. I’ve been to numerous amount of therapists. They don’t work because I know nothing they’re saying is sincere. It’s their job. They don’t deserve my information. It gets me mad telling them. I really don’t know why. It distracts me from getting better so instead I write in a journal. That’s kind of my therapy

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

What things do they do/say that feel insincere to you? I'd like to understand better

j26

Date posted: 5y

It’s what they say as well as how they say it. With their traditional soft, concerning voice and frustrating questions and it’s like if I knew the answer I wouldn’t be in the chair. It feels like they’re taking advantage. They don’t know me and already I’m an open book. It feels like I’m being used. I also don’t like to feel like I’m just another client. I don’t like the fact that if I have a therapist they have other clients because it makes me feel unimportant. I know it’s weird but I don’t know why I feel that way about it

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

Hmmm.... I can see your perspective, even if there are parts I disagree with. What options for recovery does that leave you with?

j26

Date posted: 5y

To write. I write in a journal. It’s helps a lot

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

I'm glad you have something that helps you ? is it helping enough?

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