Guys, I need some help. So, I am in this situation that I like this person. And this person is what some psychologists call Dismissive-Avoidant because they normally avoid intimacy. I, myself am an Anxious-preoccupied, because I seek too much attention. It happens that I am doing research about it and some people say I should let him go and find someone who is Secure because I will be happier. It happens that it is also possible, according to psychologists that I can have a healthy relationship with a dismissive avoidant person but at the same time, I should be aware that it will be hard and I will see myself many times pushed away because that is what Dismissive people do because of their attachment style. It happens that I was ok with the idea of still fight for this relationship because I like him. But today, as I was alone, I had this enormous doubt whether I should leave this all behind and try and find someone who will be intimate and be with me. It was tempting and scary because I don’t want that. I don’t want to lose this guy but I get scared I am putting myself in a situation that will lead me to be unhappy and unfulfilled. But I don’t want to lose him. I think this is OCD because I am ruminating this a lot since I had the thoughts, and I also and somehow distressed. But I am afraid I will be stuck with this idea forever. Is this really OCD? Am I in denial that I should leave? If it is OCD, what can I do to let go of these thoughts and feelings? Please help and give me some word of advice because I cannot sleep or stop worrying about this! Thank you

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

Are you satisfied in the relationship?

Tiago

Date posted: 5y

And thank you for replying.

Tiago

Date posted: 5y

But if I have to say, I am not totally satisfied. But I still like him

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@Tiago Is he open to changing his behavior to compromise?

Tiago

Date posted: 5y

We are not in the best terms, but I still like him! I want to fight for it and have a relationship with him.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

And what does he think? Both people need to be on board

Tiago

Date posted: 5y

True. I cannot day for sure on his side. I do feel he acts caring but sometimes distant. It’s his attachment style. But in my case, which is separate of that, I am unsure of what I am feeling to be OCD or doubt due to what some of my research showed. I want to believe it is OCD, because I can feel my symptoms were similar, but what if it isn’t?

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

It being his attachment style may explain his behaviors, but doesn't mean you have to accept a relationship that doesn't meet your needs

Tiago

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie It’s true, but I have feelings for him and I am afraid to lose him or thinking like this forever. Could you try and help me understand what is my situation? OCD or what? Please.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@Tiago I don't have a magical answer. Ultimately you have to make a decision and see how it turns out

Tiago

Date posted: 5y

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Deep inside I know I like him, and I feel this is ROCD. My insecurity is creating doubts. My questionsay it all: ‘should I move to someone secure?’ (It shows I am in doubt, but I also know I like him, so that is where it is holding on to. Also, my constant rumination, my worries, my very very small but still existent anxiety.. it is showing all the signs of OCD. Thank you for your time Katie

lois

Date posted: 5y

Maybe you could still be friends. And just let life take you where you should go. If you meet someone else then slowly see what might happen.

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