ERP doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense for a person to do things against their values/likes/interests/preferences until they habituate. It's torture is what it is! People without the disorder would never do it. Why? Because no one should be told they need to live a backwards life in order to get better.

I am no ERP expert but hopefully someone else will see your post and chime in. But I do think ERP is good used in conjunction with ACT. Like, there are some exposures I will never do because they go against the line for me (eg watching anything sexually explicit). All of us do have to draw a line somewhere. But, when it comes to my writing anxiety, it would really make my OCD haywire to write and write in a set period of time without editing. But doing that doesn’t go against my values.

If ERP doesn’t seem to work well for you or you just don’t feel it’s right, then you could try other therapies like ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy). Or there are others that don’t have a lot of research behind them but may be beneficial if ERP isn’t working, like TFT (thought field tapping), EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing), and maybe diet, supplements, and exercise? Look up alternative ways to treat OCD and see what you find. It doesn’t hurt to try different therapies if you are already stuck with one not working. ERP is helpful in a way that it shows your brain you have no real fear. For example, the brain isn’t actually scared of contamination, it’s just sending signals because you are afraid of the thought. You made it believe there was danger when there wasn’t, which is totally normal in OCD. But the way to stop that is by showing the brain that it can send a million thoughts but you will not react to them. Also take into consideration that this may be OCD telling you these things to make you not recover.

I totally understand how you must be feeling. It took me an incredibly long time to figure out the purpose of exposures. The reality is the only way erp will work is for the person to be 100% willing to subject themselves to the trigger for the soul purpose of getting better. That is the core of erp

Living life backwards is not one of my values though.

That’s how I feel too. It is torture.

No, like, I'm a human being. I deserve to live life how I want despite having OCD... What are you talking about?

You're saying that in order to get better we must go against who we are as people in order to get better? That's awful. That doesn't make any amount of rational sense....please explain?

I've been participating in this therapy for three years & I'm worse off than when I started. I can say that for certain. I'm no longer allowed to live life the way I want, go after my goals, do things I value, be successful, all because of ERP. It's awful.

Life feels pretty worthless because of what ERP has done to my brain. I don't know how to back away from it at this point. I don't know if I'm allowed to be a human being because of ERP.

I don’t know what to say. I wish I did and could help. I am just beginning my ERP journey and it is possible it won’t work for me. But it works in 70 to 85 percent of cases. Not that it cures it but it helps manage it. So I embark on it based on that statistic. I also get encouragement from people like Elizabeth McIngvale and Ethan Smith who were both “worst case scenarios” and got better and still struggle immensely but still lead productive lives.

ERP is not helpful because it's showing my brain that I'm supposed to live a backwards life all the time. I just want to live my life. That's all I'm asking. Just like everyone else is

I know it seems unfair that we have to go to extreme lengths to live our lives the way others already can, but it’s just something that we have to do sometimes. You just have to choose what you want and go for it. Maybe just living the way you want parallel to the thoughts is enough for you and that is great! But please understand that you shouldn’t live your life based on how others are living, you have to do what is best for you. You’re not living backwards, you are doing what you have to do right now to get better. What is your theme/fears?

It's not just unfair that we have to do miserable things, it's unethical & torturous. I shouldn't have to keep living my life backwards in order to have a life. How can I possibly move forward with my life if ERP is about living it backwards? Its really messing my mind up.

My theme/fear would be "If I'm not doing therapy correctly, I'm going to be sick forever." I simply want to be able to choose how I live my life, but ERP is not allowing me to do that. It's so backwards.