It feels like I genuinely like it there is no way ocd can be this convincing :(

Me too but even with the shit I did in my past I never felt like I ever looked at a girl in a sexual light. I was always jealous of them sure but never was like I want to be with them. But then I remember other stuff and then im like im in denial this is how I've always been :(

@Lina I totally know how you feel about memories! Same thing happens to me and I start to question if I have been lying to myself this whole time or not

@? I just wish it didn't feel so real you know?

@Lina Yes I know. It feels like we’re lying to ourselves right? When we simply want to be honest to ourselves

@? I say that it feels like a debate going on in my head. One side offers one perspective, and the other side offers another and at the end I don’t know what to believe or think! I just don’t want to think at all sometimes

@? Yeah every time it feels so overwhelming and convincing I just constantly tell myself well then I'm bisexual. I truly don't know how I'm gonna make it can't afford treatment. But then if I do turn out to be bi I don't know how I could live that is the worst possible outcome.

@Lina Can you elaborate why being bisexual would be a bad outcome? (No judgement just need context)

@Lina Same :(. I went through a bi phase and I never felt comfortable being "bi". Girls would obsess over me and then pull my face and kiss me and even that didn't feel right (felt weird and disgusting) But my HOCD says I liked it and I'm in denial. I feel like shit all the time now. I genuinely want guys and only them :(

@? I honestly dont know why it would be so bad I don't trust myself anymore. Everything is so foggy I have nothing against lgbt people. I think there is nothing wrong with being gay, bi, transgender, etc. I'm just sick of living my life like this. The last almost 4 years of my life have been this constant torment I've achieved and am nothing. I do not know how much more of this I can truly take. I'm very close to a breaking point. And the fact that I have to accept "uncertainty," and never know who the fuck I am is worse than knowing. Sorry I'm just rambling as this point. Im sick and tired of this shit and doubting absolutely fucking everything.

@Lina Yes absolutely same!!! I don't want to accept it because I fear it'll turn me gay/bi/some other SO that I don't want to be ?

I've tried but it does feel like I like the thoughts feel like a big fat liar and that im just making up ocd to not accept im bi.

@Lina It FEELS, not actually it is! These are just illusions made by obsessions to cover the reality and make you weak so that that they can become stronger.

@Believe So it mimics my true feelings to get me to compulse?

@Lina Absolutely

@Believe I have you had personal experiences with this?

@Lina Yes...

@Believe You've gone through HOCD?

@Believe I've tried to just let the thoughts be and not react but it's hard when it feels so real. Like for example, there is this one girl who the false attraction is strong. So I will check to see if I like it and it feels like I do. So it feels like I HAVE to think of her sexually cuz of the way it feels. Any tips or advice on this if you have any?

@Lina Just don't it's going to ruin you. Trust me, when I was going through my "bi phase" I would forcefully make myself think of girls because I felt like I had to. Now, that memory feels like trauma :(

@chamomile Thank you for understanding it truly sucks. Now that I've done it I see your point of trauma. It sucks and you feel like you need to do it again to make sure but you know it won't help.

@Lina I had no desire of doing it but I felt like I needed to, it was like my mind was pressurising me to like and think girls. No matter how bad OCD gets don't do it, i mean it :(

@chamomile Ok, thank you.

@Lina You should balance your thoughts... In a way that you don't fight with them, you just think what they are and what are your attitude towards them. For example:- You can think - " It doesn't matter if I like her or not. Feelings are temporary and they change, so I should value my logical facts. There's no need to check if I like her because I know actually who I am and what are my true feelings.

@Lina You're welcome :)

@Believe While I agree with what you're saying and will apply it I truly don't know who I am at the moment it is so distorted I don't know what to believe.

@Lina Same :(

@Lina All I can say is that keep your hopes high and wait for the right time to bring the truth. Keep going so that you can reach that time. I'm facing this thing as well but I'm getting to know what to believe by the time passing.