I don’t know who might want or need to hear this today, but here goes! There is no reason why these thoughts happen. Although I totally empathize and acutely understand the overwhelming wish to make them go away. Paradoxically, it’s this resistance and desire to avoid suffering that makes our suffering occur more habitually. If you’re in quicksand, you’re not supposed to resist because resisting makes it more difficult to get out. You just sink more quickly. You’re already being mindful, and have developed that capacity somewhat. Compassionately bring yourself back to that when you’ve noticed you’re drifting towards rumination and compulsion. When the thought arises just notice it, and tell yourself that it may be true. Your worst fears might very well happen, you can never know for sure. We know on the physical level of the brain that people with OCD have structural differences. As others have noted, everyone has intrusive thoughts. The difference is our disorder imbues them with concern and anxiety. I had my friend, who doesn’t have the disorder, tell me that he has thoughts of close-lining someone when they ride by on a bicycle. For you and I, this kind of thought could cause intense thought spirals and anxiety. For him, it’s just a quirk of the mind that’s meaningless. It’s because he doesn’t get that misfiring fight or flight response. Look, I get it. We’re all conditioned to think that running monologue in our head IS us. But it’s just meat filled with electricity. It does things. A cloud makes rain, and sometimes produces lightning, but it doesn’t ask itself why it makes a storm sometimes. You’re a physical entity whose consciousness is governed by processes you don’t have control over. It’s neurons firing in the dark. You’re not the thoughts. You are the awareness of the thoughts. Cultivating that sensibility, mindfully, gives you space from them. Acceptance is huge, too. Not that you want these thoughts or agree with them, just you accept that the above is true. These are thoughts, they only have the meaning we give them. A breakthrough for me was asking myself why I thought I needed to feel differently. I might want it, but in terms of purpose or utility, does it need to be different? Why? Life has shades and hues. Sometimes we have immense joy, sometimes great sadness. This is the nature of the human condition. When you embrace that, when you stop fighting the quicksand, suddenly it’s easier to be present. Lastly, if you’re in the states, find a specialist who treats OCD with ERP/CBT therapies. It’s the gold standard with the highest efficacy rates in all of mental health treatment. You will have these thoughts again. OCD is chronic. But recovery is a very real possibility. You’re already stronger than you know. Roll up your sleeves and take your life back. You’ve got this.