To any of the advocates or anyone who has gone through ERP, is it normal to feel very depressed when you first start it? When I say very depressed, I mean the day I had my first session I stayed in bed for hours and didn't even eat lunch that day. I felt horrible, and I'm still recovering from feeling so bad. I'm having some really rough moments today, and I'm just trying to figure out if this is to be expected, and if so, how the heck do you deal with feeling so depressed? I'm experiencing existential OCD by the way, which has been the worst thoughts for me to deal with.

Carl Cornett

Date posted: 5y

Yep. It’s very common for it to get worse before you get better. Behaviorally, it’s a fundamental shift from the compulsions and rituals that have made you feel “protected”, but have paradoxically fueled the obsessions. So your brain can rebel against this status quo. Then on a physical level, we know you’re literally rewiring your brain. That’s no small feat. I experienced a lull after starting and then drastic improvement. In CBT therapies like ERP the emphasis is on behavior less than thoughts. So focus, when you can, on the positive behavioral changes you’re making less so than the stuff clanging around in your gray matter.

PeachyPopsicle

Date posted: 5y

Thank you. Honestly it wasn't so much the exposures that got me. It was more of us starting to talk about my thoughts (it's a story that I'm obsessed with) in a way that is probably my worst case scenario with what I'm obsessing over. I think she was trying to get me to see them differently or something, but it ended up making me feel horrible. Like I can't get over these thoughts and that I couldn't bear living with them if I believed them or if they were true.

Mr JRS

Date posted: 5y

Triggering the anxiety with ERP works wonders tbh. The more you instigate the mind to ruminate and thus increasing the anxiety, the more of a tolerance over time the body builds to whenever the next time you are spooked by your own mind. Last week, start of last week, I had a terrible day. I triggered my intrusive thoughts deliberately, then came the anxiety. For the following day I suffered immensely, soon as I got in from work I laid in my bed with severe doubts about my current situation. Within a couple hours afterward the anxiety calmed and I was fine. The majority of the week was up and down. This week I am aware that my thoughts are irrational and my body simply doesn’t know how to respond now, the anxiety is weak and only causes minor tremors within. It’s a really bizarre experience when you can see improvement. It’s quiet scary in itself. All you are used to is constant anxiety and thoughts, but when they dissipate, there’s a realm of freedom and space flowing through your body and it is a state of tranquility and pure liberation from your mind.

PeachyPopsicle

Date posted: 5y

Thank you. I expected to have issues with anxiety when starting this, but I didn't expect to feel so depressed and down mood wise. It's so frustrating for me because I've had intrusive and obsessive thoughts before, but didn't know anything about ERP to get over them, but I still got over them anyway. I've even felt relief here and there for good spans of time, just a couple of weeks ago I was feeling almost normal and then got hit with an overwhelming feeling of being depressed, which brought on my thoughts again. I credit feeling good a couple of weeks ago to reading a book on obsessive and intrusive thoughts, but for some reason I just ended up falling back into this feeling even though I logically know this is most likely OCD.

Mr JRS

Date posted: 5y

@PeachyPopsicle It’s a standard occurrence to fall back into old ways with OCD and anxiety. You just need learn to accept and have compassion for the disorder. It’s not you at the end of the day it’s the dysfunctional way your brain operates. You aren’t alone in your battle with this. But you can overcome and cope with the problem, I’m living proof.

PeachyPopsicle

Date posted: 5y

@JoshJRS93 Thank you. That's what I'm trying to do, but of course it's difficult when this is interfering with what feels like everything in my life. I'm happy to hear that you've coped with it so well, and I hope I can do the same one day.

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