- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I’ve grown a lot emotionally in the last few years. I didn’t realize how much of my life was organized around accommodating OCD; and also to avoid feeling like I was somehow imprisoned by the past. I chased all the highs we normally do. Attention from women. Status. Career. This sepia-filtered curated Instagram existence of living that is really a vacuum into nothing. It took a divorce, some therapy, and a real project towards growth for me to realize what a lot of people generally take for granted: that the most enriching experiences in life involve sharing and giving to others, and that vulnerability and forgiveness are two potent forces that can really heal yourself and those you know. More importantly, I learned the value of really experiencing the present. I spent a lot of time with the chatter in my head about a past that already happened and possible futures I was just inventing. Now I work on being present, even if that’s not always easy with our condition. I feel like I came closer or I am coming closer, to really knowing who I am. Might have taken nearly 34 years, but it’s something!
- Date posted
- 5y
That is so incredible
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m really proud of how far I’ve come in accepting my OCD and uncertainty in life. I will always have work to do, but the amount of agony I’ve experienced has lessened, and I know it’s in large part because I’ve been able to be much more honest with my husband than a year ago.
- Date posted
- 5y
Great job ?
- Date posted
- 5y
(1) I'm extremely good in biology, chemistry and physics though I don't usually study them a lot (2) ironically I'm known as the topper in class at maths though I hate it and never really practice any of the problems
- Date posted
- 5y
Nice job recognizing your strengths!
- Date posted
- 5y
My therapist who worked in Houston at an OCD clinic thinks I can do this on my own with booster sessions. Going 3 months till next appt. I still have hard moments but I need and am learning how to believe in myself and stare my thoughts in the face and keep engaging in life. So even though I dont personally feel like I'm in recovery it's a positive and a way to take responsibility for my health and gain confidence.
- Date posted
- 5y
You're becoming your own therapist :)
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Katie It's hard though with Depression, Anxiety and OCD. Right now I'm just working on baby steps with Low mood and noticing thoughts and then getting back into what I'm doing. How has your journey been?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Anthomy The baby steps create change that is more sustainable :). I've had a bad depressive episode the past few months, but I'm looking up
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m currently in a Master’s program so I’m proud to say that dispite dealing with the OCD, I have been maintaining A’s for the most part and passing all my classes :)
- Date posted
- 5y
Wow! Way to go ????
- Date posted
- 5y
Those episodes are hard for me being as my theme is Harm and Self-Harm so it makes suicide feel more likely or like it validates the thoughts but man some days like today I can challenge it and kick its butt but I've definitely had my butt kicked. What are some ways you cope with the depressive side?
- Date posted
- 5y
I try to stick to routine. Just doing things helps
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Well glad to have you as an advocate and share the challenges. Keep up the good work.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Anthomy Thanks ? advocacy helps keep me on track. Walk the walk
- Date posted
- 5y
My theme is the same as it revolves around suicide, as well as others. It really scares me a lot of the time and I have to stay it a moment at a time to not get worked up over it and just keep doing my daily things.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Evelyn4416 It is hard for sure, just as much nonsense as the rest. Doesnt mean it doesnt feel real. So what's helped me be able to get through hard days is Walking after going through an ERP script and then just talking myself through how I'm feeling. Also like Katie said, trying to stay active and productive. Or be engaged with my family or animals. To be honest you are the only one I've heard of with the same suicidal theme. That's been hard for me sometimes.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Anthomy I’ve talked to a few other people on this app that share the same topic so it does help to make me feel less alone, even though it is such a distressing topic. I haven’t started ERP yet but I do try to distract myself with interesting or fun activities so that it is easier to deal with. Hoping and praying this is a temporary thing and I can finally move past it
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 19w
December 14, 2024, marked two years since my first ERP therapy session with my NOCD therapist, Mixi. And October 2024 marked a year of being free from OCD. It was not an easy journey, confronting my fears face to face. Exposing myself to the images and thoughts my brain kept throwing at me, accepting that I might be the worst mother, that my daughter wouldn’t love me, and that I deserved to be considered a bad person. It was challenging having to say, “Yes, I am those things,” feeling the desire to run, but realizing the thoughts followed me. At the start of my therapy, I remember feeling like I couldn’t do this anymore. Life felt unbearable, and I felt so weak. I longed for a time before the OCD, before the flare-ups, before the anxiety, the daily panic attacks. I thought I’d never be myself again. But I now know that ERP saved my life. The first couple of sessions were tough. I wasn’t fully present. I lied to my therapist about what my actual thoughts were, fearing judgment. I pretended that the exposures were working, but when the sessions ended, I went back to not sleeping, constantly overwhelmed by fear and anxiety. But my therapist never judged me. She made me feel safe to be honest with her. She understood OCD and never faltered in supporting me, even when I admitted I had been lying and still continued my compulsions. My biggest milestone in therapy was being 100% transparent with my therapist. That was when real change began. At first, I started small—simply reading the words that terrified me: "bad mom," "hated," "unloved." Then, I worked on listening to those words while doing dishes—not completely stopping my rumination, but noticing it. Just 15 minutes, my therapist said. It wasn’t easy. At one point, I found myself thinking, “Will I ever feel like myself again?” But I kept pushing through. Slowly, I built tolerance and moved to face-to-face exposures—sitting alone with my daughter, leaning into the thought that my siblings might die, reading articles about my worst fears, and calling myself the things I feared. Each session was challenging, but with time, the thoughts started to lose their grip. By my eleventh session, I started to realize: OCD was here, and it wasn’t going away, but I could keep living my life despite it. I didn’t need to wait for it to be quiet or go away to move on. Slowly, it began to quiet down, and I started to feel like myself again. In fact, I am not my old self anymore—I’m a better version. OCD hasn’t completely disappeared, but it’s quieter now. Most of the time, it doesn’t speak, and when it does, I know how to handle it. The last session with my therapist was emotional. I cried because I was finishing therapy. I remember how, in the beginning, I cried because I thought it was just starting—because I was overwhelmed and terrified. But at the end, I cried because I was sad it was ending. It felt like I had come so far, and part of me wasn’t ready to say goodbye, even though I had already learned so much. It was a bittersweet moment, but I knew I was walking away stronger, equipped with the tools to handle OCD on my own. If I could change anything about my journey, it would be being open and honest from the beginning. It was the key to finding true healing. The transparency, the honesty—it opened the door to lasting change. I’m no longer that person who was stuck in constant panic. I’m someone who has fought and survived, and while OCD still appears from time to time, I know it doesn’t define me. I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments. Have you started therapy, is something holding you back? Is there something you want to know about ERP therapy? I'll be live in the app answering each and every one today from 6-7pm EST. Please drop them below!
- Date posted
- 14w
I've had this app for awhile and was really nervous to post,comment or like anything.I still am,and frankly I've been having a really rough time which mostly includes ocd symptom,guilt/shame and agoraphobia which is not a fun combo but a small part of me is so tired of hiding and feeling awful all the time,even if at times I feel like I deserve it.I've been wanting to dabble into my hobbies like drawing or gaming but even my hobbies have been stressful & these negative feelings have been so awful for so long that I feel like I'm standing between two roads all the time yet feel horrified and worried either path when it comes to almost any decision will be wrong or not worth it in the end(and I hate that I feel like so.).I'm sure people can relate but the heavy loneliness and dehumanizing feelings is so awful,it's so good at it too.😭 I'm not diagnosed yet but I share alot of symptoms (interested to figure that out about myself soon.),but until I get medical insurance figured out I don't think I'll have access to professional help yet so for now I've just been watching some professionals online and I might finally read 'Freedom From Obsessive Personality Disorder' and see what it can offer.ANYWAYS,I'm trying to force myself to post so I can to people irl and online in any way I can train my brain to not stay so terrified of everything/everyone so,how has your day been?I hope it's been going well,if you've read this book or have any good suggests please feel free to let me know!
- Date posted
- 13w
For the second time. I did really well last year. My mom and my cousins were there with me and the ceremony was beautiful, but I feel like I wasn't able to enjoy it fully :( I'm scared I might never enjoy anything ever again. My family keeps congratulating me, but I feel like I don't deserve it. Sometimes, I truly feel like a monster. I feel like I'm mourning my life from before all this happened.
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