I’m beyond repair i think I just realised from watching YouTube videos I have love addiction and he’s love avoidant and ironically you ALWAYS attract the opposite I know I have ocd, think I might have bpd (the idea of him leaving me makes me think I would have to die or I won’t cope) I have zero self esteem don’t know who I am or what my personality is anymore I hate my job I have no control over ANYTHING in my life

Don't be nihilistic, it won't get you anywhere.

@HopefullyOptimistic What does that mean? I really feel I’m a lost cause. I am convinced more and more everyday o might have bpd because o cannot fucking STAND the idea of being g abandoned. The idea of that scares me more than death

@uwotm8 No one can stand to be abandoned, or hated, or forgotten. But I'm here and I'm telling you that you are NOT a lost cause. In fact you're someone who has reached rock bottom, but now you can only go up. And chill, you aren't abandoned, your eex just happens to be a douche, that's all. We all make mistakes, but it's not too late to set things right. And if you ever feel like that, know that at least I won't abandon you.

There isn’t ? I was watching a YouTube channel and she was saying like look got positives and I can’t find any at the moment

@uwotm8 At times, they're incredibly obvious but you cant see them, like being alive, free of diseases(I mean bodily ones) and having a job( Come on at least you have one), you're not broke, and many others.

@HopefullyOptimistic Well my ocd obsessions ARE “what if I have an std and my partner thinks I cheated and leaves me” so I have to repeatedly get tested My job has sucked my soul from day one and i wanted to leave on my first day during my lunch hour. My (now ex) told me I had to stay. So I did. Now I’m trapped and can’t get other work no matter what I do. I’m being bullied here, I have had sexual harassment in the past here and I don’t fit in. I’m only here cuz of money but my therapist says maybe I should quit as it’s psychologically damaging me to the point I feel the only way I’ll leave this shit hole is if I died or something cuz I sure as shit haven’t had any luck finding new work and if I have no money I’m fucking doomed

@uwotm8 That ex then pretended to love me then kicked me out one day with no warning signs so I expect abandonment all day every day and it kills me

@uwotm8 Maybe you should listen to your therapist here. I know you need the money but this job is literally destroying you. If you care about your physical and mental health then you should leave it. Don't take my advice now, this is life changing. Consider all implications and discuss it with your friends and family. If you have a job that you love and fit in with your colleagues it's a blessing from heaven. As for your ex, one man being an asshole is bad, but you shouldn't abandon your faith in others' goodwill. I think I this app is living proof for that. Life isnt easy for any of us, and isn't just most of the time, but you have to accept that. Btw what is your job?

@HopefullyOptimistic Literally a dead end office job that I fucking loathe. I kept it cuz I thought my ex would be upset if I did, then a year later he kicked me out anyway... I have no options I’ve tried to get new work I just don’t even feel I’m capable of changing anything anymore I live in panic and I’m trapped I have no control over what happens to me clearly

@uwotm8 You shouldn't care about what anyone thinks, whether it's me or your ex, you do you! And things will change, I promise! You don't need control now, you need to calm down, then think calmly about your life.