Please can someone keep me company or listen to me? I'm just extremely distressed :(

I have HOCD and I dreamt of having sex with another female. I had a blank face in my dream and I immediately woke up feeling like crying and my heart was beating and I was panicking. I feel really bad...i feel like I enjoyed it a lot. I'm so scared, I'm in bed just crying my eyes out :(

@chamomil& I understand ! But let’s take a step back. Why would you dream about sex with a woman ? Ocd wants you to thinks because you like them. Let’s search other option. I am sure you are worrying all day long about hocd, and our dream are made of our days and thoughts. Don’t you think that this dream is just the image of your anxiety?

@bebrave❤️ I guess it is but I'm scared it's showing me my true desires. Ive dreamt of having sex with boys but I never felt anxious. Was that an anxiety too? I feel like I enjoyed the lesbian dream but I'm repressing my true feelings :(. I'm still extremely sad and distressed

@bebrave❤️ @bebrave❤️ "OCD wants you to thinks because you like them" - wait does that mean I actually like girls and I'm repressing it?? Or are you saying that OCD wants me to think I like girls when I dont???

@chamomil& Yes when you don’t !! Sorry if it was not clear

@bebrave❤️ I'm scared again :(. I was looking at this gay account on insta and I didn't get that anxious and by looking at it I was getting this weird feeling that I'm bisexual. It's distressing but I feel like I want it. When I let myself go I feel so scared I'm turning into it. I already performed compulsions already :(

@chamomil& You know how I had that dream, my mind tells me I'm repressing being gay/bi. I know I don't want them but it's just getting so bad :(

@chamomil& You have to try to avoid compulsion. Like checking this gay account was a compulsion. I promess when you stop fearing ocd, it calms down. Maybe try for one hour not to perform any compulsion, you will feel so much better and proud of yourself ! Don’t forget that ocd is huge liar ?

@bebrave❤️ I would like to believe that it's lying but I feel so bad after the dream likes it's et he'd into my mind. I distressed at the thought of being gay and liking girls. But I'll follow your advice and try to stay calm and not do compulsions for an hour. Would it be ok if I got back to you on this thread again later?

I think it's been a hour or so and I went in to not doing anything compulsive but I was majorly distressed the whole time and I was questioning a lot. I always used to fawn over guys, I did it even last night (and today). But whenever I do get attracted to a guy I feel like I'm forcing myself. I was just thinking of this guy I really like and I suddenly thought "am I doing this to be in denial?", It's extremely distressing too :(

@chamomil& I am proud of you!! I know it is hard to not do any compulsion! This is so great it is a great progress ! This is just how ocd works. Make you feel in denial

@bebrave❤️ Sometimes it also morphs my fantasies about guys and changes them into girls and I immediately feel like such a liar when I say I like only guys and I'm straight. It feels right to me but my brain tells me to become bisexual again [ I identified bisexual a year ago before HOCD (I didn't feel comfy even back then)]. Its just traumatizing :(. I can't think of a guy but it had always felt good. I can't remember how I felt about them in the past or before HOCD :(. But thank you

@bebrave❤️ It's been I think about 2 hours and i think I did a compulsion on accident :(. I read about homosexuality in ancient times and now my brain tells me that I'm one too, it's distressing me a lot :(.

It helps but the thing is when I don't react to the mean onld lady I feel like I've become whatever she has said to me. So I become vulnerable and react

@chamomil& Yes I get this

@bebrave❤️ I just feel bad whenever I remember that time I used to identify bisexual a year ago. I used to think I like girls though I would be really uncomfy. I forced myself so much, they became a habit this turned into false attractions :(. I know I don't like girls but my HOCD says I'll never enjoy kissing or having sex with a guy :(. I can't even imagine about them without getting anxious like "what if I dont?" :(. It makes me sad that I can't be with guys at all