Hello fellow fighters! I had managed OCD after a long struggle with variable levels of the disorder. I had been through Scrupulosity(religious OCD) which was the 2nd them in my case. By the time, the third theme was coming, I went for psychotherapy. Mindfulness and professional help helped me a lot. Other than that, directing my attention towards productive activities like programming and studying helped me a lot. I have a question: I have improved a lot in the past 1 year. I still sometimes involve in checking ( I think one cannot 100% eliminate this). This causes me to slow down in study particularly in subjects like mathematics. I find it really hard to go through long calculations. From what I have read, I believe it's more about the lack of confidence in my memory. Also, I have issues in remembering long instructions. Academically, I am doing well but my problem solving skills have declined in the last few years . So, now I am working on these areas. I think practicing without checking might help. I practice mindfulness meditation on a daily basis and it has transformed my life. It has helped with concentration too. This has to do a lot with working memory and checking. Anybody could throw some light on this and give some advice please. In short, Please give some advice on 1. improving working memory 2. Avoiding checking in general and in calculations/steps. I start to get anxiety (something is wrong) while solving. Other than that, I have trouble in things like filling forms, or situations when we have to check something.

I do a lot of memory checking when I am ruminating too, and keep lists partly because I have lost confidence in my memory etc. I think that is related to the fact that I can’t confidently remember the number of times certain traumas happened to me in a past relationship- sometimes I feel sure but other times I don’t know, and I’m upset that I don’t know even though I understand it’s very normal that your memory stops working correctly during traumatic periods. I have lost memory of years of my life from childhood. I also have autism so my executive functioning/working memory as well as verbal retention/auditory processing aren’t very good and I have the same difficulty filling in forms or writing emails, sometimes it can take me ages because of all my rereading and checking and getting anxious and brain fog. Same with schoolwork (yet am “academically gifted”). And false-memory OCDs getting paranoid that I did something and forgot all the time just throws yet another spanner in the works. So you’re not alone on not feeling comfortable with your own memory. I think all I can suggest is to do what you’re thinking- practice not checking and see if anything actually does go wrong. That could build up confidence again in your ability to do it. And also affirming to yourself that even if you do make an error it wouldn’t be catastrophic- I think both avoidance and difficulty getting anything done (that feeling that you’re struggling through a swimming pool full of honey) are related to putting so much importance on getting it done along with lack of confidence that any step you take is right. When my mental health is bad I’m barely capable of doing simple tasks in the right order to make a basic meal and not spacing out between them and forgetting what I’m supposed to be doing. Good luck getting me to do one of those real-people meals where you have to time stuff and keep track. Keep doing the mindfulness and I’m sure you will see improvements as your confidence goes up.

Programming and mindfulness were the main pioneers in helping me to overcome OCD @Louw. I hope you overcome your challenges and perform good!