Feeling like everything is real right now?

Yeah I know...but it confuses me so much. It's like I don't know what is real and what it's not. It all seems so fuzzy.

I try to tell myself that but I’ve also made plenty of mistakes which deserve shame and guilt. I feel like it’s just who I am

But I can’t tell if it’s just the thoughts anymore

@Immorethanocd It happens to me too. I don't know why, but when I'm anxious I feel something down there lol. But I don't take this seriously anymore. If you focus on that, you obviously are gonna feel something because you payed attention to it. But that doesn't mean that you like the thoughts. We just have to deal with uncertainty

@Lucy1907 I’m having some tough times with specific thoughts right now and I feel like it’s making it worse

@Immorethanocd Because it’s almost like actual things I’ve felt

@Immorethanocd Can you explain?

@Lucy1907 Right now, I’m freaked out because I have had moments where I haven’t been turned on/enjoyed sex and kissing. And I’m terrified that adds to evidence that I’m gay. I know looking into these thoughts is pointless and I’m giving them power but it feels too damn real.

@Immorethanocd I'm going through something similar right now. Yes, it can feel very real when it is actually not. I don't want to give you reassurence, and I know it's like torture not to know, but it's the right way to reach recovery. You might be gay. Maybe yes, maybe not. You don't need to know. It sounds scary, but you are strong and you can deal with it.

@Lucy1907 I know but seeing the phrase you might be gay is enough to terrify me. I love my boyfriend and I want to have a good sex life with him and I’m terrified it’s all going to go away now. I’ll never be able to have sex without worrying bc I’m gay or bc of ocd

@Immorethanocd Yup. It is really scary. But take it slow. Have you considered seeing a therapist?

@Lucy1907 I have seen one in the past, but she is not specialized in ocd so a lot of therapy is just me talking it out

@Immorethanocd Is there any ocd specialist near you? If not, there are many therapists online that can treat ocd. I'm taking this on my own and I wish I could go to see one.

@Lucy1907 I should definitely look, I know I’m not helping myself but seeking validation and asking strangers if I’m gay or not gay. And then I proceed to give the stranger like 1000 reasons why I want to be straight and not gay and it’s like where is this getting me?

@Immorethanocd Yeah, that is not good. When I started to deal with uncertainty it was really scary. I literally had nightmares. But you get used to it and you start living with it.

@Lucy1907 I know? is it normal to want so bad to just be straight but feel like no matter what you’re haunted by feeling gay

@Immorethanocd It is normal. Sometimes it feels very real, and it's like it all seems so fuzzy.

@Lucy1907 I feel that. My identity right now is so fucked. Do you have problems having sex or kissing because of constant worrying about what you’re feeling/thinking

@Immorethanocd Yes. It's like a scary thought pops and the world stops. Do you also have ROCD?

@Lucy1907 Yep?

@Immorethanocd Yeah me too. But I hope that one day I'll get better...We need to stay positive

@Lucy1907 It will. I’ve gotten over this before. Like over the winter we were fine and able to have great sex, but I’m back on my bullshit. We are both going to kick OCD’s ass

@Immorethanocd Yeah I have gotten this before too. But one day I just analyzed it a lot and I started to search things through the internet. It all started like two months ago...

@Lucy1907 Started 3 days ago for me. It’s okay. It will be okay

@Immorethanocd Oh sí you're just starting. Don't worry, it gets better. The first days are the worst, at least for me. But you'll be okay

@Lucy1907 So*