Hidden compulsions are the worst! I just realized I was doing a compulsion 192938 times a day since one month Checking if person I like texted me or if he already answered or maybe left me on read , or blocking notifications to stop checking it all and then unlocking... i know it sounds like a silly compulsion but I was once "brutally" ghosted. So I check if I'm not being ghosted again. But it doesn't make sense cause this person is so awesome and not a ghost type at all ... I also do every evening since forever a symptom assessment (for like 1 hour)on smartphone app to check if I'm not going crazy cause I have problems focusing lately and other stuuf. ( my psychiatrist says 1 hour a day it's not that bad so it's not OCD symptom...) Also that" gost man" when we were still having contact called me "mental with mental disorder girl" cause I have little temper when I get upset (only sometimes)and one time I told him some silly stuff to upset him but it was out of frustration. Now I have this sentences he said in my head: "you're mental !!" , and when he calmed down : " I guess you have some mental disorder or you're crazy , I didn't do anything to you"... Since then when other people around me behave unserious or they act out of emotions or eccentric I call people crazy or mental and I assign them mental illness.. I wanna stop but I feel so hurt from the past and my head is tired from thinking . I feel like bad person but I really had lots of patience and empathy for people before that bloody " ghost man "

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

That's a lot to grapple with. Perhaps you can reread this post when you're feeling calm to see if any insights jump out at you. If a behavior is harming you, whether or not it takes more than an hour, it's worth changing. What would you like to spend time doing in the evening instead?

Jamarceline

Date posted: 5y

I'd like to paint instead or read a book . Thanks :) yes I noticed what caused my problems but it's hard to back to how I was before I got hurt by a "ghoster man".

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

I have a friend where I used to get paranoid that he was ghosting me as his life got in the way of us talking all the time like we used to. He’s a very kind compassionate person and not the ghosting type. But my anxiety made me get into arguments with him easier and ultimately push him away even though I loved him being around. It became a self fulfilling prophecy, but I have learned from it that I need to work on those kinds of anxieties when they happen without believing my fears or that they’re an indicator that something is wrong. I’m sad about what happened to the relationship and that I lost his great support but I can’t spend all my time worried that he thinks negative things about me. I can just give him space and try to do better. It’s not the end of the world.

Jamarceline

Date posted: 5y

@Louw I know how it is . I called that nice guy I mentioned above a pig out of anxiety insecure thoughts . But luckily I realized it's just my negative thinking and I didn't call him worse and apologized and he forgive cause I'm lucky he's smarter than me . Eh life with this sucks .

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond