About two weeks ago I had a very intense exposure experience, subsequently followed by a depression and anxiety of thinking that I did something terrible. I have slowly begun to calm down more, but I am caught between if I have the right to feel calmer or if I am just making that up to make myself feel better. This is now making me worried and think that I am ignoring something terrible and I am monster. Which is in turn affecting my relationship because my partner wants me to get closer to him and I did yesterday, but now I feel scared even more, and I feel disgusting. I don’t know what to do anymore the doubt is breaking my heart and terrifying me.

I am not trying to laugh but that is part of the OCD is not being able to stop thinking about your own doubt and anxiety.

@nocdmike I know, but I don’t know what to do with it in this case.

I think I've been very important for us as people to know our problems and to truly understand what we are going through because it is an illness and it is real

@RSMs Let me try to think of something. Cuz I had the exact same feelings that you do Believe it or not

@nocdmike So real. I’ve been in a constant state of tension and depression, and fear. But I figure if I had done something terrible, it would’ve come up already, but then thought of it alone is too much to bear.

I can’t reconcile myself with the doubt and the fear. I have been coming into work and I feel like a shell of myself. This is too much.

@RSMs I had to quit my job. I feel.much better now. But still I am seeing an ocd specialist on the 23rd of march.

I temporarily blackout too but they put me on Prozac so that's going to help me with the blackouts

@nocdmike When under really bad stress? This is new for me. It’s the 2nd time it happens.

@RSMs Yes. It's been 2 weeks since I last blacked out

@nocdmike Ugh, I’m so sorry you go through this. It’s terrifying.

Any advice for me? I have harm ocd

@nocdmike Be yourself, be honest, and make sure the person is a real specialist not someone who has a basic understanding of the condition. Also, take your time in building chemistry with this person, you have the right to feel comfortable. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.

Don't be scared the OCD is a punk Lol

@nocdmike Lol, thank you. But I can’t help it. It’s making me feel like a monster and horrible person.

@RSMs That's exactly how I feel. Like the world will turn into something bad because of my thoughts

@nocdmike I get it. This is a terrible condition to have.

@RSMs Yeah I agree.

@nocdmike How long have you been dealing with your OCD?

Oh wow

@RSMs Yeah it sucks. Probably heard people say that a thousand times on here

@nocdmike Lol, yes, everyone agrees on that 100% this really sucks.

@RSMs I have a hard time describing what and how ocd makes me feel

@nocdmike What do you mean?

@RSMs I'll tell my mom or sister that I don't feel well. Well, that's not how I would describe it. I feel much worse than not feeling well. Does that make sense?

@nocdmike Yes, I had that experience with mom yesterday. The best way I could describe it for her is that I have fears about things that are not happening in real time. For example: the bus on my way home tipping over. This helped her more. Today she sent me an article on anxiety, which is nice. I told her that is deep and that my brain essentially takes things and replays it like a broken record.

Yes the story is the same here.