I feel like instead of accepting uncertainty, I’ve given up and believe that I am what I fear. I’m so terrified. I don’t know what to do

Yes, please, if you have the time

@WeCanDoThis Don't worry! So, what are you fears?

@HopefullyOptimistic And that thought just means you're afraid of giving up, that's all.

@HopefullyOptimistic My fears are that I’m a pedophile or a hebephile (attraction to pubescent kids). It feels so real, I feel like I’m going to throw up

@WeCanDoThis Okay, first things first, you're gonna throw up. Think about that. Now, intrusive thoughts that make up ocd are basically our most irrational but also most terrifying fears. Things that you would never do irl. You have intrusive thoughts about being a pedo, that means you're absolutely terrified of that notion. You have to understand that obsessive thoughts are always against our nature, who we are. Once you understand how irrational they are, thats the first step towards recovery. Ive had some intrusive existential thoughts that led to some suicidal ocd, which is ironic considering that I've always wanted to see everything the world has to offer.

@HopefullyOptimistic Thank you for the support. I was crying for a little bit, and I still feel anxious but not as bad. I’ve resolved myself to accepting uncertainty and I realized I was doing compulsions yesterday which probably led to this little breakdown... I’ll stop doing those. It’s so hard not to check my intrusive thoughts.

@WeCanDoThis Don't feel bad about it, happens to everyone. Btw does erp help you?

@HopefullyOptimistic Yes, it helps. I’ve tried scripting and watching shows with kids in them and things like that. Yesterday I had planned to go to a park and sit with my anxiety there but it was too cold. I’m gonna try to do that today

@WeCanDoThis That's a good idea. Kids are literally everywhere! And remember: everyone here and I'm sure in real life also are certain that you're not a pedophile. Last week I read about hocd and the intrusive thought got into my head, but it just slowly went away. If you have patience and let time do its thing, you're gonna stop caring in no time, no matter how long it takes.

@HopefullyOptimistic I wish I had more patience, haha. I’m always looking back at my failures and looking ahead in fear of obsessing forever, not looking back at my accomplishments and looking ahead for the potential to get better. Anytime I’m not doing something related to the obsession, I feel sick to my stomach and constantly anxious. It’s so hard. Agh

@WeCanDoThis Me too. One of my worst fears is staying like this forever. But what is "this"? And cant it be improved? The answer is definitely yes, the key here is to make your life with ocd tolerable. Go out with friends, travel somewhere or even open up Netflix. From where I come from, we have a saying that we tell people who are sad or anxious, it says "nothing's worth it", which means that nothing in this world deserves your sadness and anxiety. You're an amazing person, and your name says it all. So I'll let you know that if you cant do it, neither can we.

@HopefullyOptimistic Thank you, this helps a lot. :)

@WeCanDoThis Glad I could help! You can talk to me again if you feel down!