I’m so proud of myself! I resisted performing soooooo many compulsions today. I kept reminding myself: “it’s not how you feel, it’s what you do that matters”

???‍♂️

@Sunrise22 Okay I kind of broke it, but my goal is to be stronger tomorrow

@Immorethanocd You got this We are all here for you!

@Immorethanocd Hey, even being really conscious about doing a compulsion if you “break” and do it is a win. You’re trying to delay and aren’t just going through the motions without thinking

@Immorethanocd How did today go?

@Sunrise22 I tried really hard and managed to stay off google and look at old texts my friends sent me for reassurance. I did fall into a bit of a tough spot but I did okay!

@Immorethanocd You did great! Wow! How are you feeling now?

@Sunrise22 I’m okay. My biggest avoidance is that I just sleep to avoid my boyfriend because I feel like I’m deceiving him if I’m gay, etc. but we’re getting dinner and spending the night together and I’m excited

@Immorethanocd Wow!! So more exposure!!! PLUS you’re excited so you must be feeling pretty good!! It makes me happy to know someone is doing so well when I feel like I was really strong in terms of resisting compulsions but feel super anxious today

@Immorethanocd its wonderful that you are going out!

@Sunrise22 I agree!

@SU1992 Thanks guys! I did sleep for like 3 hours which I feel bad about, but I’m ready to just enjoy my time with him. He already knows that we are taking the sex stuff slow until I’m ready again but I’m hoping to use that as exposure next time around. I did a great job last time of having thoughts during intimate moments but carrying on anyway

@Immorethanocd You’re very lucky to have a partner that is understanding! That can really aid in recovery.

@Sunrise22 He’s amazing!

@Immorethanocd Keep doing the work! ??

@Immorethanocd sounds like a great catch! good man to be so caring

Thanks!!

Yesterday was also a good day in that you faced something scary! You should be proud of that. It feels dumb because we know it’s irrational but there’s no reasoning with the reptilian brain!

It does!!! I spend so much time on here lately because it feels good to move able to vent, get encouragement, etc.

Hi! Honestly? Today started out pretty well but then I got fixated on an unfinished compulsion earlier today and have had intense anxiety all afternoon. I guess the best I can say is that I’m sitting with the anxiety because I have no choice

Also, yes! It is a beautiful day! When I was trying to avoid my compulsion I took my dog for a walk in the sunshine ☀️

What did you do with the thought? Were you able to successfully sit with it?

Yes! I need to get some sleep. I’ve been so sleep deprived this week and it is not helping

I’m trying to remind myself that the more I avoid my rituals, the better I’ll eventually feel

I love dogs! Sometimes I don’t think I’d make it if it weren’t for my dog. Our dogs are probably so confused about why all of a sudden we’re so scared! ?

Honestly I may have to do that tonight. I took a Benadryl two nights ago and STILL had insomnia. Very unlike me to have this many days in a row of bad sleep. Think the bad sleep may be because I’m more anxious due to not doing the compulsions?

Good thing I like to read and have 100 Modern Family episodes saved on Hulu. Somehow even when I’m a mess I still find that show funny

Lately these, and podcasts, have been my late night insomnia activities. Always better to deal with being awake with a happy heart than stewing on why one can’t sleep. That doesn’t help a person go to sleep

That’s awesome though. I think even sitting some time with the anxiety allows a person to see that it will pass. You can see it get less intense even it it doesn’t totally go away

Hahahaha oh wow that’s an awesome idea! Probably has a similar effect to listening to Bob Ross talk about painting

Oh nooo!!!! Hopefully you have healthy cereal at your house!

My Viibryd (SSRI) makes me hungry all the time. Thank goodness I haven’t slept ate yet

@Sunrise22 oh yeah I forgot you told me about viibryd. I'm on luvox. cant tell if it makes me hungry but I just plowed through a bag of microwave popcorn. lol

@SU1992 So maybe? Haha

you know it's really weird I have health OCD but I'm watching the news on CoronaVirus and am like - meh

@SU1992 Hahaha that’s awesome! Do you think in the past your brain would have gotten caught up in it?

@Sunrise22 no. my health OCD is about medications I have to take. I get obsessed with blood tests and lab reports and hyper focused on the range of normal

@Sunrise22 it got really bad one time when I insisted I need a full cardiac nuclear stress test and I also insisted on s visit to the mayo clinic to confirm I was ok. really unnecessary

@SU1992 Does it make it hard for you to take medications?

@SU1992 I know how that goes. It’s especially hard if you actually have something going on and they can’t figure out what it is

@Sunrise22 yes. it does. it never botherred me in the past but weirdly now it does. funny how OCD works

@Sunrise22 so I'm new to OCD therapy. are we supposed to avoid triggers?

@SU1992 Nope - you want to expose yourself as much as possible and then tolerate the anxiety it creates. Easily said, difficult sometimes to do.

@SU1992 Avoiding makes the fear even greater

@Sunrise22 yeah. I'm learning about ERP and how that works.

@Sunrise22 it's funny sometimes what we with OCD conjur as fears to avoid. like simple stuff that if it weren't for the distress would actually be quite humorous

Sounds good! Goodnight!