Just curious if this might be OCD: every day, probably 200 times a day, I have thoughts pop in my head of embarrassing things I’ve said, written, or done. Then, in response I either scrunch up my face, dig my fingernails into my palms, or think, “I’m going to kill myself” (don’t mean it). It happens automatically. I’m diagnosed with OCD already but curious if I should look into this being OCD or maybe social anxiety??

I’ve never told anyone about my obsessive thoughts, I get random irrational obsessive thoughts that play over and over almost like a broken record like: “killing myself would be fun” or “‘maybe you should just kill yourself” I have absolutely NO suicidal ideation whatsoever, it’s just this empty thought that replays over and over, it feels like my mind is torturing me. Like it’s doing this on its own. There’s sometimes I’ve mentally screamed STOP!! Because I just wanted the broken record or my obsessive thinking to end. I’ve never been officially diagnosed so I’m not sure if I do have OCD but I’ve lived with these obsessive symptoms my whole life. I also always think I made a mistake, so I do things over and over and over again, always double checking.

One thing that I’ve noticed about my OCD is that it makes me feel very regretful and embarrassed at the end of every day. I reflect on every interaction and every conversation and any thought that I’ve had throughout the day. As a result, I feel more and more ashamed of the way that I act, even though it is probably normal for some of my age to act and see the things that I say. Earlier today I flirted with a guy and then as soon as it ended I had so much religious and moral guilt about it. Does anyone have any advice on how to not feel so ashamed after doing the typical activities that people in their 20s do? I feel like these thoughts are making me want to isolate from everyone else so that I’m not put in the position to do and say these things. I feel comfortable with myself when I don’t talk to anybody but I’m noticing that that can’t be normal . I don’t want to lose friendships and potential relationships out of fear that I’m going to say something wrong. I don’t know what to do.

Can anyone share their tips/advice? I say “kill myself” a thousand times a day both in my head and out loud. Sometimes it gives me anxiety and sometimes it doesn’t. I also say “Im not going to kill myself” or “I’m gonna kill myself” I’m really good at reframing my thoughts but that’s probably not the best thing to do. Please help!