Not really ocd related, but my relationship with my father rn is really bad and I feel like I have no one in my personal life to talk to about this. He deadass yells at me for the most insignificant things. I wanted to get a drink from a Wendy’s that was en route to our house and he had a meltdown because the not even five minute wait it took to actually get the drink was “inconveniencing” him too much, and then proceeded to make me feel like a burdensome piece of shit because I wanted one (1) drink. We got into a verbal fight not even three hours ago because I wanted to sleep with a fan on despite feeling slightly ill and he couldn’t handle the fact that I, a 20 year old, an adult, didn’t care and wanted to sleep with the fan on. He berated me calling me “dumb” for not wanting to be hot whilst I slept. And he often times calls me a “r*tard” or tells me that I’m “being r*tarded” during arguments despite him knowing that I have a HUGE ass complex about that. I can’t defend myself without feeling extreme guilt. He always apologizes but he refuses to change. Eventually I’m going to have to phase myself out of his life if this continues (to which it will), and that’s a thought that is extremely painful for me. I still rely on him for transportation because I don’t have a car yet, and he makes it a point to hold that over my head. Some people are lucky that I haven’t hexed them. These are just two examples out of so many instances of him being just a general ass to me, and I have a hard time even legitimizing the situation, because I know it could be SO much worse. I try to be polite and mind my business and avoid any conflict whatsoever, so I just shut myself in my room for most of the day, which of course he finds a problem with. Having parents with unchecked mental health issues is FUN.

Also thank you if you read through this whole post. You’re a literal saint for that.

I really really know how youre feeling. My mom also have some issues , she has a toxic personality , talkin with her is like playing a mental ping pong. She wants everyone from family to feel addicted to her in their lifes,like me or my brother will not be all right without her and well need her and fail in every aspect in our lifes without her . She also calls me names, she points my imperfections all the time ( like I have a bloated belly or something or tights like a pig), also tells me things like I did retarded face -something like your father but without anger. Generally shes not nice to me , never hugs me or anything never says she loves me, or shes proud , not interested in my life except making plans for what I should do ... And when her friend is around she suddenly can turn into a very nice person and she says everyone that her children are so awesome . What helps me is to note everything bad she says to me or to my brother to remember it and to remember how she is lowering my self esteem everyday and to be aware it's not me it's her behavioral roblem . I also note my OCD symptoms since few days and situations. It's really helpful. What can I say to you is to stay strong, look at your father like a poor unaware person that needs help , I read on a cool book that being angry at people and situations is how you respond to bad stuff not how it make you feel. I'm older than you a bit and i had time to learn that sometimes are days when I'm in an awesome mood and I really want my moms company and I would like to do something really fun with her but usually shes just questioning everything and criticising my ideas so I'd rather do my own thing and just be more polite to her that day . Good thing is that your father apologises, I think it can mean there is hope for his behaviour( but dont expect he will change quickly) -my mom never apologized me and probably never will and she did some pretty bud stuff to me but the most important is to forgive

Dont worry , everything will be alright. I know you will be alright! Be focused on your goals and where you wanna be, the reality is that if you dont find what makes you feel depressed and wont erase it from your life then you will stay depressed so be your own advocate in your head tell yourself everyday you're an amazing person - write it down what proofs it, dont waste your energy on your father cause he will probably give you only" vomits" coming out of his mouth. Be yourself ! When you feel sad then be sad , if you're angry be angry let your body feel emotions you have inside . And be yourself that's the most important cause community tell us to be happy and strong and perfect and everyone tend to put a happy and strong mask , but we aren't all the same. My mom recently told me that I wouldn't be so depressed if I had a boss who yells at me all the time and checks if I do my job properly. That's sucks she also thinks I should kiss her feet everyday for making me who I am but the true is she fucked me up because of her unawarness But thanks to it I'll be a better mother for my children and I have more compassion for others . What wont kill you will make you stronger ! And if you ever feel bad you can always write under this post or do a new post. And I know suicide seems sometimes like the only way but I know theres is someone who needs you maybe someone you dont have in your life yet. Maybe you like pets and you'll adopt one from a shelter and save its life. Everything good you do counts