I don't know if this falls under the category of "seeking reassurance", but here goes.... I have been trying to tackle my OCD over the last month or so. I started having intense anxiety and panic attacks that I believe got really bad when I recognized that OCD was, in fact, what I had. It was very distressing to me that I was "abnormal" or "crazy". All of my compulsions used to be centered around the thought of myself or someone in my family getting some sort of stomach bug.....I never really saw it as ocd.....just wanting to keep my family healthy. Since the discovery of my actually having OCD my "obsession" has turned to the possibility of my "going crazy" or "losing control" and harming someone. It is causing tremendous anxiety and making it very hard to overcome my compulsions because unlike the possibility of someone I love contracting the stomach bug, which I know will happen from time to time, this fear would be far more catastrophic if it were to become a reality. That being said, I am still working to overcome my compulsions, but I find myself having overwhelming thoughts of needing to "make up" for the compulsion I resisted by performing a new or different one....for example..... I have resisted touching each clothing item 4 times before I put them on....because of that I'm finding myself experiencing extreme anxiety when trying to pick out an item to wear (I can't even explain quite the feeling I am having other than being extremely anxious and on the verge of panic).... Today, for example, I had a horrible time picking out a shirt.....just staring in my closet unable to pick one....finally pushing myself to do so I was then able to continue breaking the cycle of touching each item 4 times before I put them on. After, I didn't really have anxiety from breaking that compulsion, but from seemingly picking the "wrong" shirt..... Because of that I have been trying to "make up" for picking the wrong shirt by performing other things a certain amount of times....I know all of these thoughts are completely ridiculous but I just can't seem to get over the fear.... Is anyone experiencing the same thing or does anyone have any tips?

Is the compulsions on top of compulsions something that you've experienced before? " I beat that one, but I need to do this completely new or random thing to feel better...."

@nhood Yes! That’s totally typical of OCD. You stop one compulsion and are super happy about it, and it says, “surprise here’s a new one, or one to do a different way”. I know it feels scary but you’ll find that resisting the new ones is just the same as the old ones. You keep showing your brain it’s not in danger by not responding and eventually it’ll stop sending the false signal.

@Sunrise22 It seems like it's a 24/7 job! Stopped one, avoided the 'make up' one, and the next, it seems like I always end up eventually giving in!

@Sunrise22 It is also so hard because it just came out of nowhere! I recognized my symptoms as most likely being OCD a couple months ago, tried to just "stop" them, that caused me to have extreme panic, and during that "panic" phase my obsessions did this crazy switch from "someone might get sick" to "I'm going to go crazy"

@nhood It’s so common for themes to switch. That’s typical. So the best you can not to do the compulsion. Remember: every time you do the compulsion, you’re feeding the OCD. Every time you resist and do something else, you’re starving it.

@Sunrise22 Thank you. I am trying, but it is hard!

@nhood It is! I’m in a period of time right now where my OCD is really acting up too. I find that as hard as resisting a compulsion is, as soon as you have several that you resisted in a row, you start to gain confidence and the anxiety starts receding.

@Sunrise22 My husband is a fire fighter so I'm home alone with my kids for long stretches. Every day he is here I am able to fight compulsions, but on the days he isn't here I find myself giving in a lot more. I'm also finding it hard to actually feel less anxiety.....it seems like it just builds with every one.....probably because I am still giving in to my compulsions every now and then. I know it's not usually suggested to just stop "cold turkey", but maybe that would be a better way for me....

@nhood Honestly, that’s what I’m attempting. Every time I notice that doing or not doing something relieves my anxiety regarding the feared thought, I try to do the opposite. You could try that if it feels doable to you. Otherwise create a hierarchy (you can use this app to do so) and start towards the bottom and work your way up.

@Sunrise22 I have attempted that and in turn that doing the opposite becomes a compulsion in itself. Something I have searched for answer for is if I just stop my compulsions entirely will it cause me to go mad because it's too much to do at once....

@nhood It won’t cause you to go mad but it may cause some extreme anxiety. If that doesn’t feel doable right now, do what feels doable and then push yourself just a little bit further

@Sunrise22 I can deal with extreme anxiety....it's just that underlying fear of thinking it is just too much for me and that will (just like 500 other things I do or don't do) cause me to go crazy.

@nhood Based on your understanding of psychosis, can it be caused from anxiety?

@Sunrise22 Exactly. The reasonable part of my brain knows that is a ridiculous thought, as are all the compulsions equally ridiculous, and I also know that because of the OCD my brain is likely to take the thing I value the most (my family) and create a fear or obsession regarding that. Because the OCD has THAT power over me I guess I keep coming back to the thought of maybe it will cause me to also go crazy. I go around and around in circles .... I know it's so cliche but I just want to be "normal"

@nhood Ha! Tell me about it! My current thought spiral is that if I don’t do my compulsions, I will break no contact with my abusive ex. It’s been 2.5 years since we broke up but it’s only been the last few months that my OCD has fixated on this. It’s a nightmare.

@Sunrise22 Haha! Yes!! So frustrating ?

@nhood Sometimes I am shocked by how I can avoid multiple compulsions in a row and then all of a sudden I have one in which the thoughts won’t let go.

@Sunrise22 Exactly! And of course that leads me to....those were compulsions and this must be something I really need to do??‍♀️

@nhood Ha yes! Sooooo rational right?! Our poor brains!!

@nhood Rewiring them sure is hard work

@Sunrise22 Yes!! I've come to the realization today that I am not afraid that not doing the compulsions won't cause me to go crazy, but that combatting the OCD will make me go crazy. Stopping the crazy will make me go crazy haha

@nhood Hahahahaha!!! Some reasoning! ? Lately I’ve been trying to remind myself that being beholden to all these stupid rules is no way to live. I feel like I’m at the point where I’d rather face the fear of “what if I don’t do this compulsion and the ‘bad’ thing happens” vs. continuing to live this way

@nhood Because I already feel crazy NOW

@Sunrise22 Haha! Yes! That's the thought I had when it was about the possibility of getting sick....now that it's jumped to the possibility of my freaking out and hurting someone it's just SOOOO hard to be "okay" with that possibility ??‍♀️??‍♀️

@nhood That’s why your OCD did that though. It was like, “ooooo that sickness thought wasn’t scary enough? Well here’s a new one!”