HOCD has took everything from my life, i have nothing.. no car, no money, little friends, my family can barely stand me i feel like a burden. I dropped out of college, i have no direction in life, im also an alcoholiic because it stops the gay thoughts and i feel normal. Ive lost 4 girlfriends over this too and currently dont have a job. Im 25 years old and i feel like my life is over.

I'm so sorry you feel like this. I understand to an extent what you're going through. I just want you to know as cliche as this is, it does in fact get better. You mind will adapt and you will be able to successfully manage this thoughts AND feelings. It just takes some trial and error. Sending some inspiration and support your way. Idk if your into self help but I have some great articles on ocd if your interested. Enjoy your day ?

I agree with OCDone. It sounds cliche but it DOES get better, provided you do the work to recover. Getting in touch with all of us on this app is a great start. There are always people here to support you

Thank u guys i appreciate all the kind words

Put god first brothha. Everbody has a destiny, try to see a counselor, do hobbies like gym, drawling, sports literally anything but compulsions and what not.

Look at kevins post just under this one. ?

I have lost a lot from OCD too including my self esteem but I am fighting for it. It sounds like it's time to start fighting your cycle of OCD compulsions instead of fighting the possibility that you could be gay. I'm pretty confident being gay wouldn't be worse than 4 broken relationships, no car money job social life or direction and self harm. You need to resolve to put the thoughts to one side and live your life, knowing that you can gain insight and self-knowledge at your own pace over time, seeing as obsessing, testing, analysing and ruminating hasn't worked. And isn't going to work. Therapy can help you too, you should really prioritise it.