And last night a thought came to me about my sister and I was stupid or paralyzed two seconds before taking out the thought, it's as if I wanted it there It is as if I had been watching the thought, I feel it is real and I want to die because this is horrible

You're not supposed to "take out" or censor intrusive thoughts. The fact that you took a moment to notice to do so also doesn't say anything about you or about whether you "wanted" the thought. Are you aware that everybody on the planet gets weird or selfish or narcissistic or aggressive or "immoral" thoughts? Are you aware that it's completely normal for those thoughts to sometimes feel good or satisfying? Are you ready to judge people based on this thought crime instead of on their actions? Are they all monsters or are you the special exception? Stop analysing your thoughts and memories for evidence that you're a bad person, and start treating your OCD by allowing all thoughts to happen without arguing with them, accepting them as truth or judging what they mean. Confessing your thoughts on here looking for absolution or reassurance is another compulsion.

I'm a monster

Seriously- trying to "take out" thoughts because you believe they must mean something about you is the ultimate fuel for OCD. Other, non-OCD people get weird or taboo or angry instrusive thoughts too, and they go away quickly because the people don't fight them or have the need to "take them out". Because they don't need to fight them. Because they don't mean anything. They don't think "the world would judge me if they knew I had this thought". As that's a very naive perspective and not true. Plus, even when we DO want a "bad thought" because it feels kind of good, like when we are annoyed at someone who is being stupid, that doesn't make us bad people either, it's human nature, we aren't supposed to be perfect and literally nobody is. If you can't let yourself have any angry or judgemental thoughts because youre convinced that they mean something about you, how are you EVER going to set any boundaries with other people? If you can't even NOTICE that a person might be dangerous or dishonest or have bad intentions without judging yourself for noticing, then you are going to get into the habit of deliberately not noticing. And that means you will go through life as a sitting duck, unable to get angry or defend yourself or say no to anyone or anything. If you can't say no to somebody who wants to kiss you but you don't find them attractive, because "it's judgemental to not be attracted to someone" or you are scared it will hurt their feelings which would "make you a bad person", you will be incapable of saying no. If you can't notice when something is wrong or that it's actually appropriate to be annoyed or angry or upset, you can't assert yourself and life will *kick your ass*. You are not a bad person for being angry at your sister. The situation might well deserve some anger, and it's normal to want to punch someone in the face when they're pissing you off, etc. Censoring your own thoughts just makes intrusive ones happen more and makes you hate yourself for no reason.