- Username
- Xxmariaxx
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Keep up the great work! Make a new post about it, you seem like you're making good progress there
How can we help make your life more positive?
That’s meant to say six weeks not swim week
Just knowing that you have taken the time to read and care is lovely! Thankyou! Some times just takes someone to say yeah! I get you! Xx other than that I don’t know how to start! Xx
I think we’ve all been exactly where you are right now. OCD can be so Isolating, huh? It sounds like you’re in therapy, which is great. Is it OCD-related therapy, or just talk therapy? I’m sure your children appreciate you smiling and keeping a brave face on for them, but don’t think you have to keep that up. My mom went through some pretty dark depression when I was a kid. I like to think I would have been open to her saying, “Mom’s not doing so good today, kiddo. Can I get a hug?”
At night it is the worst for me because I’m relaxing and my brain thus has time to race and race and race and thought start piling up. It gets tiring to say the least. Try to stay strong. I know it’s hard. I’m actually having a very bad morning myself but am trying to get thru it. It’s an every day battle but trying to remain positive and going to therapy is so helpful. I look forward to therapy actually. Good luck!
How did the rest of the day go for you yesterday? I know how you feel. I’m sure many of us in the group know how you feel
Thanks everyone! And yesterday was tiring! Today was tiring, I tried reaching out to few people but they were busy! Then I had a mm ocd feeling that this being an open group and what if my partner is secretly on it and reading my posts or whatever! Things I can’t share with him! I know it’s insane but that how I over analyse stuff! Kids at their dads so just me, just sat in silence for a king while contemplating things! Tried to explain to my partner a little in the respect of I don’t know when I will feel better and can see him, he asks which is sweet but I take it as pressure and found myself telling him that I have so much going on, even if I snap out of it we still might not be ok as am dealing with relationship issues too! I just felt I had to be honest but was like he can’t process it and I’ll get better and we will be happy again! House is very quiet and with all recent burglaries in my area I feel a little anxious! So checking more! Decided to take up exercise ?? been eating pretty good and I hope it will give me a distraction! How is everyone today!! Thanks for your responses and for caring xxxx
That’s great you are exercising and eating healthier! I’m doing ok today.. been a tiring day but settling down now. You should post more in new threads too, you seem to have a lot of OCD information and knowledge!
Thankyou.. I have studied quite a bit on it in my need to understand more.. psychiatrist even said am very well informed, although sometimes knowing the logic behind something doesn’t make it any easier to battle but just understand what’s happening to you! If I can help others I will! Also done panic course to understand and help with that so guess could help with techniques for people to help with that! Ended my relationship today... after much deliberation, it does not feel Good now but for the best in future! Sad times but a decision none the less! Now to try move forward! Hurting someone’s feelings is not in my nature so I feel pretty crumby! But better now that further down the line! Just hope I keep the faith in the decision I took so long to reach and the pesky repetitive demons keep away for now! How are you?! Xxx
Not feeling so great today, doesn't help I stayed in bed all day and didn't really eat for 24hrs etc I don't think, staying in bed longer ok, but I think I needed to eat something in between. Anyway I just feel like I've hit a brick wall with my thoughts and feelings. I feel dirty, feel I may be contaminating things etc, and finding it hard to rationalise things and be happy, I think some things are ok but I still think I'm in the wrong or something. Maybe I'm just in an OCD cycle where I can't think so clearly and it will pass. Anyone else feeling a bit numb with this
I've been shutting myself away lately because I'm so fu^king sick of this cycle of me turning into a g0ddamned baby and then hysterically crying for hours on end and having my family helplessly watch and not know how to help. Nobody knows how to help. I don't even know what I need. I want to give up and just stare at the wall until somebody can save me. If my brain isn't constantly distracted and numbed I'm spiraling. I switch minute to minute from being super depressed to hyper and talkative yet somehow I manage to hold it all inside. It's getting very hard to communicate/mask. Every night I feel fine. I feel scared and sad, but I feel the most normal at this time. When I wake up, it starts all over again. I wake up in panic attack mode and drag myself to work. I swear to god I can't help myself anymore. Nothing I do helps and it's too exhausting. I think I'm just gonna keep letting myself suffer because I'm so sick of trying to get help and then have it not help. I know this is just an episode but jesus christ it's so f^cking scary. I believe everything my brain tells me but I don't even know what it's telling me. All I know is there's this extreme PUSH to be flooded with extreme sadness and anxiety, and it's very REAL. I feel like I need to be locked up and studied. I truly feel alone in this condition because I genuinely believe there is no one in this world who has been having these symptoms the way I do. Four years of this, several mental health professionals, and I still don't have an answer. When will I be able to rest? Even reading this message makes me think "that's not me. where did I go?" There's not even a specific reason why i'm feeling so extremely horrible. It starts as a pure OCD attack about something and then before I know it I spend a week crying. Anyway I have work in the morning I don't know how I keep going and getting out of bed every day knowing that ending up like this is definitely a possibility. I really don't know how I'm still alive. Something is extremely wrong with me and no one seems to understand just how bad it is. What do I need to do in order to get someone to understand the severity of it all? I wish nothing but healing and peace and permanent remission for all of you tough souls ❤️
I've probably been worse than this before, but there are times at the moment I fear for my sanity. I calm myself down, but it's so easy to get myself in state that I'm constantly on edge and can't relax. I recently had a routine cancer test come back negative, and I actually wish at times it had been positive so I could just say goodbye to loved ones and then die quietly - whilst still myself. I know the reality would be nothing like that, as I've seen first-hand what cancer does, but I'm tired and emotional. Still on waiting list for counselling at local practice. Just want to feel normal again.
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