I’ve been diagnosed with OCD recently. It seemed to come out of nowhere. I had a lot of overwhelming stressful situations in my life hit me at once. Situations I have no control over. And I started having this crippling anxiety that I focused towards my job. I work in healthcare so things that I do directly effect patients and even though I know I’m great at my job, my brain has convinced me that I’m going to make a mistake that will hurt someone. So the compulsions started and the extreme guilt and the hyper-responsibility. I was leaving work every day convincing myself that I hurt someone and having severe panic attacks. I’d have to call into work and ask people to double check things for me or even drive in and check them myself. One time I even hit a pothole after work and my brain convinced me I hit a person and I had to turn around to make sure. I felt like I was losing my mind. I was sure I was going to have to throw my whole career away because It felt like I’d never be able to handle it. I immediately went to my doctor. She prescribed some SSRIs. I learned quickly that my body cannot handle SSRIs and I was unable to sleep, eat, or calm down for over 72 hours each time I tried a new one (I tried 3). It was horrible. I’ve never felt worse in my entire life. I even considered having myself hospitalized. I was terrified to take another drug so I tried to do without. I started therapy, meditation, eating healthier, and daily exercise. These things helped but when I hit a low, it was bad. I was still struggling to go to work. So I finally took my doctors advice and started buspar. I know different medications work for different people, but this drug saved me. Since I’ve been taking it, most days my anxiety is down to a 3 from basically a 10. I still have bad days but they’re much fewer. This week has been hell though. In one day, three huge situations in my life hit me hard. Including my husband having a mass removed that we’re waiting to find out if it’s cancerous. Things I can’t control and I just feel like I can’t take anymore of it. I haven’t eaten and I’ve barely slept in days. I made it through one shift yesterday and then spent my entire day thinking “what if I made a mistake”. I couldn’t sleep and ended up with a severe migraine so I had to call off work today. I’m trying really hard to avoid the compulsions but I just feel like I’m at my breaking point. Im severely depressed and overwhelmed. And I just don’t know how I’m going to keep pulling myself out of these spirals I end up in.