How difficult is to study when you have OCD!

I feel guilty because I haven't study enough for exams, every time I decide to study OCD starts invading.

@ckate Okay, you'll have to change your way of studying. Dont stay in your room for a lot of time, take breaks like every 45 minutes or so, to distract your mind from latching on to OCD.

@ckate And trust me, I've been there. You'll have to step up.

@HopefullyOptimistic It's not your fault that you have OCD, so don't feel guilty.

@HopefullyOptimistic I try to wake up early, because there's no noise and people around, but the thoughts still come, and I get desperate. And my friend is always asking me if I have studied, and then my mind starts telling me that I am lazy, irresponsible and I that I am not smart.

@ckate Let me tell you, if I have learned anything from having OCD, it's that dont listen to your mind.

@HopefullyOptimistic And waking up early isn't the best option, a good nights sleep can help you!

@HopefullyOptimistic I have too many questions, even though I have had OCD since I was 7, I heard about until last year, and got diagnosed on December.

@ckate I was also diagnosed in December! Until then I never even knew OCD existed. What's your theme? Mine keeps bouncing but it's mostly existential.

@HopefullyOptimistic Religious OCD, I am always asking for forgiveness and sometime I even don't know the reason. This is weird, but I feel, Like everything around me isn't real.

@ckate Yeah, I know. OCD is all about having irrational thoughts. And may I ask how do you feel that everything isn't real? In what way?

@HopefullyOptimistic Like I am always asking myself, do I really exist? For example, If my life story would be a movie, I feel like I am an spectator instead of being the main character. I know it sounds ridículous! My psychiatrist says it is called depersonalization.

@ckate That sounds more in my area of experience. You cannot actually doubt your existence, because you're doubting right now. I think, therefore I am. I'm more of what if other people dont exist kind of guy.

@HopefullyOptimistic You're right. I always have this sensation of being out of my body. Every person I know says that I am always in my own world, because I am always distracted.

@ckate That can be a good thing sometimes. It affects your studying?

@HopefullyOptimistic Yes, I see how my classmates understand what the engineer is explaining, and I'm just there with my mind in blank. when I was in high school I used to get good grades, and loved to study, and I cared in having good grades, and now everything seems difficult, always feeling stupid and useless, and the worst is that I study because I know I must do it and not because I care about. Now it's hard for me to differentiate my emotions, because everyday the only thing I feel is guilt and uncertainity. Sorry for the long story... I needed to take this out

@ckate No, not at all! We all need to vent! Let me ask, what's your religion?

@HopefullyOptimistic Christianity

@ckate Hmm. I'm a muslim, so I dont know if this will work, but what makes you think you've done a cardinal sin?

@HopefullyOptimistic It's hard to explain, because for my ocd everything I do is wrong

@ckate I know, so we won't attempt logical discourse with it. Instead, try to think about triggers it.

@HopefullyOptimistic When I read the Bible, when I go to church. I have intrusive thoughts of every type, all of them against God ?

@HopefullyOptimistic I'll actually tell you a story, I used to have religious ocd when i was 13 years old. It was just as irrational as yours. It stayed for a good long year, but during that time it started to get less frustrating, and I started to be more relaxed. Until after 9 months from it starting, when I just stopped caring about it. It was this magical feeling really. It still came back, mind you, but not as before. And it went all by itself, I just had to endure a year of anguish to break free.

@ckate Ok. Have you had any thoughts about being an atheist or agnostic, ever?

@HopefullyOptimistic They say ocd is always against our nature. If you have intrusive thoughts about God, you can be sure that you value your spiritual life a lot.

@HopefullyOptimistic Wow! That's amazing. I have many years like this, I know God will do something. My mind is always telling me that I'm lying and the only thing I want is attention, and I feel sad, because why would I do it? If God is really important for me.

@ckate Yeah, he is! Say what you want about God, but his presence can be very reassuring.

@HopefullyOptimistic I am afraid, because I can think something bad against him

@ckate You're thinking, not acting. We muslims have a saying that goes: "your God is a God of hearts". It means that God will always know the good ir bad inside you, and he will surely understand that you have OCD. He won't mind!

@HopefullyOptimistic My mom, the psychiatrist, and my sister tell me the same. But it's hard. OCD is killing me everyday?

@ckate Well, have you tried ERP?

@HopefullyOptimistic I get the same vibes from my OCD, it gets terrifying sometimes.

@HopefullyOptimistic when I go to church, the ansiety comes, I don't know if it's ERP

@ckate Technically it is! You're exposing yourself to your fear, which is good! I can tell you some distraction techniques, if you like.

@HopefullyOptimistic But it hurts, because while everyone is enjoying God, I'm there with high levels of ansiety, and the desire to run away. Right now, I have ansiety.? please tell me the techniques

@ckate First of all, its anxiety not ansiety. The best think you can probably do now is something you like a lot, something that relaxes you. Painting, listening to music, watching a funny video, etc. Whenever these thoughts occur to your mind, distract your mind by all means possible. Try it, and tell me how you feel!

@HopefullyOptimistic Sorry, my phone automatically corrected the word. My language is spanish, so anxiety is written "ansiedad"

@ckate Oh, no worries! I was just trying to help!

@HopefullyOptimistic Okay! I'm Katherine, nice to meet you. Thanks for being talking with me

@ckate You're more than welcome! I'm Omar!

@HopefullyOptimistic If you ever wanna talk, dont be a stranger!

@HopefullyOptimistic Nice to meet you!

@ckate Thanks! You too!

@HopefullyOptimistic Where are you from? If you don't want to answer, it's okay.?

@ckate No, it's fine! I'm from Alexandria, Egypt.

@HopefullyOptimistic I'm forma Honduras. I'm 19 years old

@ckate Wow! Honduras? That's really far from here! How's it going there? I'm 16!

@HopefullyOptimistic Absolutely! Now classes are suspended due to coronavirus.

@ckate You're lucky! We're still in the process of closing schools. Honestly, I dont even care about the virus, i just want them to close all schools?

@HopefullyOptimistic Ja??? in what grade you are?

@ckate I'm in 11th grade now, it's going pretty good especially since if they close schools it would be hard for them to do the exams because we finish the academic year in May.

@HopefullyOptimistic At university exams were suspended, I'm happy!

@ckate That's great news! That'll give you time to think about a way to study while having OCD.

@HopefullyOptimistic Yes, I studied in the morning. I will continue later. And what about you? What do you want to study after you finish school?

@ckate Me? I really want to study astronomy, but here in Egypt it's likely that I won't get employed, so I'm settling for pharmacology.

@HopefullyOptimistic I understand, I am studying civil engineering, and there are many engineers unemployed. I hope that when I finish, I can find a job easily!?

@ckate Yeah, here if you care only about money, you'll become a dentist, and many engineers here also graduate and not get employed. I hope you'll find one immediately! You can also try internships.

@HopefullyOptimistic Here in Honduras, If you care about money, you study medicine. If you study engineering, you probable find a job in a factory, but you'll be equally paid as a person who never went to university.

@ckate Oh boy, what about working abroad? Either way engineering is a great major! Sorry for the late reply, you know how time works!

@HopefullyOptimistic Hi, the process of getting an scholarship can be tedious, and it usually takes a lot of time.

@ckate Hey Katherine! I meant getting a degree and working in a foreign country.

@HopefullyOptimistic Ohhh, I didn't read work. Yeah, it can be a good choice! How are you omar?

@ckate Fine! I am usually not feeling great in the morning, but it gets better at night. I'm pretty much used to it!?

@HopefullyOptimistic Interesting. I prefer morning because there's silence

@ckate Silence? Here night is absolute silence. It won't be so if I'm in Cairo though.

@HopefullyOptimistic Here too, but I arrive home at 10:30 pm from university, and I usually feel exhausted, so I prefer to wake up early!

@ckate I wake up early because I'm used to it, I go to school at 7:30, so my body will never sleep past 7 anymore!

@HopefullyOptimistic Ohh, I usually wake up early because I love to drink coffee in the morning. When I was in high school I had to be in school at 6:50

@ckate 6:50! We start the day at 8 and finish at 3:10 PM. I dont actually drink coffee, which makes me feel weirdly sad!

@HopefullyOptimistic Really? Here in Honduras, we begin at 7 and finish at 1:50.

@ckate Well, I'm in a private school, as government schools here are very bad.

@HopefullyOptimistic I was in one private school,from 6:50 to 7, we had to be listening a teacher speaking about a value ?. public schools begin at 7 and finish at 12.

@ckate That's hilarious! We also can get the principal make a speech sometimes, and it would be the most boring thing ever. How are you doing today? Is OCD bothering you?

@HopefullyOptimistic I'm fine! Thanks for asking. Yes, but I am trying not to care about the thoughts, and to be positive. And what about you?

@ckate Probably meh. But it can be annoying sometimes

@HopefullyOptimistic It's true, there are good days and bad days ?‍♀️ what do you like to do in your free time?

@ckate I like to play on my Switch, draw a little, read a book, they're all good distractions!

@HopefullyOptimistic I also love to draw, but I have around 2 months without doing it.What type of books you like?

@ckate I love historical novels! And sometimes fantasy books help.

@HopefullyOptimistic Really? I love detective novels

@ckate Omg me too! I've been scouring the internet for some good detective games recently. You have any book recommendations?

@HopefullyOptimistic Yesss, Into the water by Paula Hawkins, The Shadow of the wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafón

@ckate Thanks so much! I'll be sure to check them out. I've only read one Sherlock Holmes novel called the Red Headed League.

@HopefullyOptimistic I read Sherlock Holmes, and it was amazing! I also loved the adventures of Tom Sawyer

@ckate I've heard about it once, it's really amazing you know all these novels.

@HopefullyOptimistic Yes! Now I am reading Turtles all the way down

@ckate Oh that's great! I love John Green.

@HopefullyOptimistic They say it has some OCD themes.

@HopefullyOptimistic Right now I'm reading Inferno.

@HopefullyOptimistic Is the first time I read a book of him.

@ckate Dont worry, he's a great author!

@HopefullyOptimistic Yeah! I started reading it, because someone mentioned the book

@ckate He also has a lot of other books. Have you ever seen the movie the Fault In Our Stars?

@HopefullyOptimistic Yes, I was going to tell you about ?

@ckate ???

@HopefullyOptimistic What's the book about?

@HopefullyOptimistic But you won ?

@ckate Hehehe, thanks! The book has the same plot as the movie, actually. A guy named Augutsus falls in love with a girl named Hazel, and they both have cancer. I won't ruin it for you, you'll have to read it or watch it to find out the rest!

@HopefullyOptimistic I will look for it, right now! ?

@ckate Good for you! I'll be going out in a moment, so I'll text you when I come back! Good Luck!

@HopefullyOptimistic Okay! ?

@ckate C ya!

@HopefullyOptimistic Hey Kate! How are you? Hope you're doing great!

@HopefullyOptimistic Hi! I'm fine and you?

@ckate Also fine! We actually have 2 weeks of vacation now from the virus, so,yay?

@HopefullyOptimistic Haha I'm happy for you! I have 21 days!?

@ckate I'm not actually that happy about it, school gives me an opportunity to forget about OCD for a bit, you know? Just a huge distraction for my weird mind.

@HopefullyOptimistic My reaction was actually more ? than ?

@HopefullyOptimistic I know, because is the place where you distract, but in my case, I struggle everyday to go to university, I get really anxious when there's a lot of people around.

@HopefullyOptimistic Well, I'm happy because you're fine

@ckate Me too! Actually, how many cases do you have? We have about 68 last time I checked, and 2 deaths. Actually I want to ask, do you consider yourself an optimist or pessimist?

@HopefullyOptimistic Well, I think that only two cases. Yes, I think that all happens for a reason, so I try to see the good side of everything. What about you?

@ckate Oh boy, I've been a pessimist for all my life, let me tell you. Its not helping right now to be one!

@HopefullyOptimistic Try to not be so rude with yourself, I don't know you, but I think you're a nice person, even though, it has been hard for us due to OCD, I think you're doing great, you decided to continue, even though is so hard to do everything when you have OCD

@ckate Thanks! It's just that getting that elusive positive outlook on life is really hard for me.

@HopefullyOptimistic For me too, fighting everyday with a mind that tells you are the worst sister, daughter, and Friend. I don't look a future actually, I don't even know if I'm going to finish university, because my mind is convinced something terrible will happen to me?

@ckate Me too! My mind keeps fearing that I'll do something really stupid, but I'll tell you: bad things are bound to happen. We dont control that, it's just life. And if you do quit, you'll waste your entire future.

@HopefullyOptimistic Yes,you're right! I try to be positive everyday, no matter how difficult the day before was.

@ckate That sounds great! I'll definitely try that! I think that somedays I even forget I have ocd, which can be a great break from all this. I wake up sometimes feeling great wondering what I'll do today then I'll go "Oh wait, I have ocd".

@HopefullyOptimistic Ahhaha it's true, ocd seems so unreal, yesterday was really hard, Many intrusive thoughts came by, and today, I woke up early, with a headche, and I the only sensation I feel, is that maybe I invented everything. It sounds crazy, I know. ?

@ckate It can be hard, yeah. And as far as I know, If you've invented everything then you're a goddamn genius

@HopefullyOptimistic And before my religious ocd waned away, I had those same sensations, so maybe they're actually good? But that's debatable for sure.

@HopefullyOptimistic I'm a genius? sounds good!

@HopefullyOptimistic Do you think OCD will disappear completely from our lives, someday?

@ckate Maybe, we still have a long road ahead of us, but the best thing about ocd is that it doesnt give you room to procrastinate. You actually dont want it, and that's a good enough motivation I think.

@ckate Looks like you're smarter than me?

@HopefullyOptimistic And that you see life from a different perspective.

@ckate Yeah! I think that I now appreciate things more than I used to

@HopefullyOptimistic Well, I don't think so, is telling me the boy who wants to study Astronomy

@HopefullyOptimistic Exactly, and you see people worrying for things you'll never worry about.

@ckate I'm not that smart! And I won't actually cause if I do im screwed, im not going to work anywhere. And besides, you're going to be an engineer, that's huge!

@ckate And that I dont want to worry about, that's the whole deal. And its certainly interesting to have,like, a contamination fear right now.

@HopefullyOptimistic I'm sure you're smarter than you think. Because you're only 16, and I'm pretty sure you're more mature than I am.

@HopefullyOptimistic Do you feel afraid of getting Coronavirus?

@ckate Nope, irl I am not mature as you think at all! I can laugh hysterically about anything.

@HopefullyOptimistic I dont care much, science tells us it's most lethal to older people, like 50 and upward.

@HopefullyOptimistic Me too. ?

@HopefullyOptimistic Did you finish reading the book?

@ckate So sorry for the late reply, the app didn't give me a notification when you sent it!And no, I havent. Although I'm a pretty fast reader, its it's almost 610 pages so it'll take a while!

@HopefullyOptimistic Don't worry! I finished reading " Turtles all the way down". And today, I started Inferno

@ckate Oh! Where are you right now? I'm on 192, and I've only read for 2 hours! Did you like turtles all the way down?

@HopefullyOptimistic Yes, I really felt understood for the first time. Well, I just read the first page?

@ckate That's a lot of progress, keep going!

@HopefullyOptimistic Someone told me, his favorite place in the world was his mind, my reaction was ?

@ckate Wow, he's a lucky guy. Contrary to us, our minds need a little cleaning.

@HopefullyOptimistic Yes, other boy asked me: have you ever tried to be alone and meditate? I never stop thinking?

@ckate I too never stop thinking. We all think, it's what we think of that matters.

@HopefullyOptimistic Yes, I would like to turn my mind off. Hey! Tell me more about you, if you want, of course!

@ckate Me? I'm your average nobody?. You know pretty much everything that needs to be known, but here are a few bonuses: I love trigonometry, I like web design, and I have never been in a relationship.

@HopefullyOptimistic I think you're amazing! I also love Math, I love to design, and never been in a relationship

@ckate Aww thanks! You're pretty cool yourself! Not all of maths though, i hate algebra But, do you have a crush?

@HopefullyOptimistic I love algebra ❤ No, I don't and you?

@ckate Same here! Life's not fair, isn't it?

@HopefullyOptimistic I don't know why I can't feel attraction for someone!

@ckate Maybe you want someone special? Attraction isn't in all cases spontaneous, you can get attracted to a longtime friend. Personality does a big part here, and I know its cliché but its it's really not.

@HopefullyOptimistic And here I dont go out to social gatherings often, and I can be pretty shy sometimes?

@HopefullyOptimistic Do you consider yourself romantic?

@ckate Not much, really! I try to be realistic. I dont shape a relationship, it has to be a mutual understanding, and the respective partner must be willing to sacrifice something of value for the well being of their relationship. And for those reasons, that I think romanticism won't get us anywhere.

@HopefullyOptimistic I don't consider myself shy, but I feel anxious with many people around me. I just don't feel part of the group

@HopefullyOptimistic See, your answers are so mature!

@HopefullyOptimistic Kate, I gotta go now, have to call a friend! Talk to you tomorrow!

@ckate Dont let that get to your head! We're on the internet, Kate!

@HopefullyOptimistic Okay! Bye

@ckate Have a good one!

@HopefullyOptimistic And I swear to God, I'm so immature in real life, you'd be shocked! But I can make some good decisions every now and then.

That's a good approach, it's just society, you know? Everyone's talking about girls, everywhere. Its driving me nuts. And they know it's not gonna last long, but they just keep bragging about it!

@HopefullyOptimistic Yes, girls are always thinking about having a relationship, getting married . They plan their lives, and there I am unsure all the time ?

@ckate You still have time, you know? I know a girl like you actually!

@HopefullyOptimistic I don't care about it

@ckate Of having a relationship

@ckate Hey Kate! How you doing?

@HopefullyOptimistic Hi Omar! I'm fine and you?

@ckate Not the best. Just listened to a heartbreaking song, so maybe that's it. What's the time in Honduras?

@HopefullyOptimistic Really? I hope you get better. It's 1:45 pm.

@ckate Woah! Its 10 pm here! That's a huge time difference, gotta take that into account after that!

@HopefullyOptimistic Oh wait, its 9:45, I'm such an idiot.

@HopefullyOptimistic You're not an idiot! It's almost 10

@ckate I'm not ashamed to be one, actually!

@HopefullyOptimistic How many hours is the difference?

@HopefullyOptimistic Why?

Okay, back to relationships, you dont want to be in one?

Wow!

@ckate That's how time works!

@HopefullyOptimistic I don't know! And you?

@ckate I dont know, but I think being in one can help us right now.

@HopefullyOptimistic Do you think? Do you have someone right now?

@ckate Ahhhhhh, nope. But i feel like I'm missing out, somehow.

@HopefullyOptimistic Do you have a crush on someone from your school?

@ckate Nah. Used to, but when I actually got to know her she wasn't what I thought at all.

@HopefullyOptimistic What about you? You're in university, you have tons of options!

@HopefullyOptimistic I'm sorry! You will find someone

@ckate Maybe, someday.

@HopefullyOptimistic Yes, but I don't like them.

@HopefullyOptimistic Yeah, I feel sad sometimes, but at the end, I feel better like this. Or I'm just afraid OCD gets worst.