I posted about this last night but I’m just getting really worked up about it :( For the past months I have been mainly struggling with harm-suicidal OCD, with some existential and religious OCD as well. Once in a while I’ll get these super random disturbing (disturbing as in about people it shouldn’t be about) sexual images pop up but I’ve been able to sweep them away without it sticking. The other day however that came up while I was talking with my mom, about her. It was really distressing me. Thought that was the end of that but yesterday night I was remembering how distressing that was and the my mind starting to spiral on that. I was having a million questions and fears coming up such as “why did that bother me so much?” “Why would I think something like that about my own mom?” “Oh god is this some new topic that’s trying to stick??” “What if this gets so bad it’ll actually make me want to kill my self eventually?? (Referring back to the harm OCD) Etc. I was getting very worried but was able to go to bed. This morning it’s still bothering me a lot. My body is shaky and sweating, my back is hurting from tension, I feel like throwing up, my hands feel numb. I’m desperately thinking that I don’t want this to be a thing. I love my mom so much and HATE that those intrusive thoughts and images from the other day are hurting me this bad. Please help :( I keep reminding myself that it’s the OCD talking, not me. But its still very distressing.

Hey! I’m doing a lot better thanks so much for asking. This theme is still one of my bigger ones, but i’ve learned so much and put in the work with therapy so I can manage it alot better :-)

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn I'm so glad that you are doing well, it's been on my heart to ask you. Im doing life too, Evelyn. Hehe. Though it's been very tough on me, I've since actually purchased 2 guitars and also have learned piano. I have a guitar, a bass guitar and a piano. I've also uploaded over 52 audio sessions on YouTube. It's been very therapeutic.

@WhiteLion I’m so glad you’ve been pushing forward in your hobbies despite the difficulties - proud of you!!

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn Thanks. The encouragement is really nice, I don't know if it's allowed, I would eventually like to share my YouTube channel. It's Xantherblaze if you want to look. I have spent a lot of hours recording.

@NOCD Advocate - Evelyn And I saw that you are an advocate! Nice promotion!

@WhiteLion yeah for sure! and thanks so much!

Well because nobody wants to have thoughts like that so it’s bothersome. I see that answer for sure now

@Evelyn4416 And your relationship with your mom is one that's especially precious to you ❤️

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Yes you’re absolutely right, she is very important and amazing to me. I hate that OCD tries to ruin what is special to you

@Evelyn4416 The thing is, doing compulsions is a pretty solid way to ruin the relationship too. You think you're protecting it, but doing compulsions allows OCD to strangle the relationship

@NOCD Advocate - Katie What do you recommend I do? Is me reassuring myself that I’m fine and the thoughts are just thoughts considered compulsions?

@Evelyn4416 That's kinda blurry. For some people that strategy works well and lets them move on, for others they get stuck telling themselves that over and over. You're going to have to observe your own experience and see what works for you

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Hmmm yeah that’s the tricky part. Thank you!