Greetings! This is my first post and I thought I’d take a quick moment to introduce myself. I am a 41 year-old male from the United States and I have been living with OCD since first being diagnosed at age 11. My symptoms were light and manageable until I reached my mid-to-late teens and my parents marriage went through turmoil. Before I knew it, I was plagued by contamination thoughts. I was afraid of contracting HIV through contact with stray, used hypodermic needles. That one plagued me for a lot of years (and continues to do so to a lesser extent than it did when it first originated). In conjunction with that, I also developed Pedophilia OCD. It was pretty benign for a lot of years, and then about 5 years ago it came on with a vengeance. It was around this time that I first attended therapy which focused on treating the OCD symptoms through ERP. Unfortunately, the two therapists I had weren’t very good at administering the therapy, but I was fortunate enough to be introduced to it. About 3 years ago I developed Harm OCD. Much like the PedophilIa OCD, the Harm OCD focused not on the potential that I could do harm to someone, but, instead, it focused on the “what if” I did something in the past and I suppressed it. I can’t tell you how many hours over the past five years I have mentally reviewed (to the point of exhaustion) certain moments of my life to gain clarity (read: “certainty”) about what actually happened just to feel better. Does anyone experience OCD in this way? Does anyone else worry they’ve done something bad in the past that will eventually catch up with them in the future? I’m not looking for reassurance here, just to know that I’m not alone, and maybe learn how to cope a bit better with it on the difficult days. As far as what I’m doing to manage the OCD today, I’m really digging in and just beginning to understand ERP and ACT. I would like to adopt those therapies and embody them (along with other healthy habits) because I really do want to commit to recovery. Thank you all very much for reading my story. I look forward to getting to know everyone and being part of a healthy community.

I’m irrationally terrified of being found somehow by someone who knows me but I’m trying to post anyway. Not sure if I qualify as young adult or mid-life at this point because I’m about to be 30. Hi, I’m new here and I’m in the process of getting a diagnosis. I’m already diagnosed with autism, GAD, and probable ADHD, and I believe I’ve had varying subtypes of OCD since childhood. My worst OCD-related issue right now has been constant reassurance seeking. I’ve fallen into a trap of constantly doing it and without reassurance I’m terrified to make decisions in my new job. It’s causing me to ask too many questions I already know the answers to which makes me not look competent. Even though I’m somewhat experienced in my field of work, starting this new job has me feeling like I’m starting in the field all over again because I’m so bad these days with working independently since I can’t reassure myself that what I’m doing is correct. I’ve been stressed out of my mind and have come close to losing my job because the stress has exacerbated my autistic struggles such as meltdowns and social issues and I’m also battling the ADHD and GAD on top of it. I’ve also been pushing away people who are close to me with my reassurance seeking because I have problems with not being satisfied with any piece of advice or reassurance given to me by friends and family. They can say things will be okay a thousand times and even though I’m the one who asked I will fight them on it and I’m getting tired of my own difficult behavior and obsessive thoughts. I finally got into therapy again to try and save my job and my relationships from the clutches of my various mental illnesses and I’m just looking for community here.

This is my first post on this app, though I made this account back in late September of 2021. I grew up in a toxic environment, and was mentally abused by my parents, included being taken advantage of because of my autism. I’ve been suffering from OCD as long as I can remember. Ever since I was a child, I’ve sometimes had thoughts that scared me, and I’d often try to find ways to calm myself down. I’ve had thoughts over the smallest and silliest of things, but as time went on, these thoughts suddenly became more violent, like wanting to step in front of moving car while waiting for the bus, or grabbing a knife on the dinner table and using it to stab a family member. Even thoughts of death and what happens afterwards scared me. Aside from being afraid of a kids horror show for a while, OCD did bother me at points in my life, but they never severely crippled me… until my teenage years. Throughout my teen hood, I would very occasionally suddenly imagine fictional child characters being SA’d. I would also sometimes imagine children getting injured while noticing them sometimes. I didn’t know why those thoughts popped up into my head and they would weird me out, but I would be able to usually push them aside and not think about them too much… but it got worse after I was dropped out of high school without my consent by my parents. In March of 2017, I was at a gas station when I saw a child and imagined doing a disgusting action with them. It freaked me out immensely and sent me into a panic attack. I was able to calm down from it shortly after, but I think it planted a seed into my brain, and it would launch a horrific attack on me the very next month. Me and my family were driving around a town for a special occasion when I had the worst OCD attack I’ve ever had. Every child I saw, I imagined doing something disgusting to them. I was having a full blown panic attack and it honestly felt like my mind itself was being sexually assaulted by this horrifying thoughts. This incident scarred me mentally, and to this day, I’m still afraid of being around anyone younger than me. I tried researching what these thoughts could mean, and I found out about these being symptoms of OCD. After talking with a psychiatrist a month later, I was diagnosed with OCD. For a while, I thought I’d be okay from that point. I thought I could conquer this on my own… but by early 2018, I was still struggling. I eventually came out to my older sibling and parents about what I was dealing with. They thankfully didn’t ridicule me, and did help me with getting a therapist. The first visit with my therapist went alright, but I was an emotional mess after finishing the session. The next time I went in however, I was seen by someone else because my therapist was out. The man I saw honestly felt condescending, and he basically made go to a group therapy session. The group therapy didn’t help in the slightest, and with more toxicity developing in my family afterwards, I stopped going after the group therapy. I did see my therapist at least once I think, but that was it. Ever since 2018, I was silent about my OCD. I was just hoping that someday I’d be free of my shackles both from my mental illness and my toxic environment. Two years later though, a friend (now partner) of mine heard about my family’s living situation and wanted to help get me out of there. I first visited them in 2021, and thankfully I stay with them for the most part. That being said, I was still worried about opening up to them about my OCD. I did talk with them about general OCD from time to time, but never got into P OCD… until last year finally. I opened up them fully about it, and both they and their mother told me that they weren’t upset, and that they understood where I was coming from. I think that genuinely helped me out, and I don’t feel as anxious as I did before. Just yesterday, I finally talked about my OCD to my older sibling (they’re super supportive and understand our parents toxicity). I was genuinely nervous about telling them for a while out of fear of them either abandoning me or ratting me out… but they understood. They were accepting and didn’t ridicule me at all. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders… and honestly, I think I might have the courage to speak up on this app finally and hopefully find a therapist who can help me. I’ve been suffering with P OCD for over 8 years now ever since I was 18. I just recently turned 27 a few days ago. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long due to trauma, fear, and PTSD. But now, I think I want to take a step forward and get onto the road to recovery. It most likely won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight, but I feel relieved knowing I have people who love and support me, now that I’m in a better environment.

Hello! I’m new here. Unfortunately I’m not able to afford a therapist but I’ve been doing a lot of research and I think a lot of my symptoms/thoughts align with OCD. I want to share some of what I experience and see if anyone else experiences the same and what resources helped you. I think I mostly experience contamination OCD. I’m constantly worried that something I do/touch is going to make me really sick and/or die. Especially with food, I’m constantly worried that I’ll accidentally have something on my hands when I eat, then I’ll touch the food and get that on the food, eat it and get sick. So I’ll wash my hands every time my hands touch any little tiny thing again and again before I eat, same with any forks/spoons, or I’ll even think I touched cleaner a few hours ago and I’ve washed my hands several times since then and I just washed them again but they still feel dirty so even if impractical I’ll use a fork and if my hands touch the part of the fork that touches the food then I can’t eat the food any longer or use that fork. Also at work I have these thoughts that I know are ridiculous but also give me very real anxiety. Like “if I don’t finish this order before that machine beeps its a sign I’m going to die” and then I have to rush to make sure I finish fast and then I’ll be like ok that’s so stressful I’m not going to think like that any more it’s ridiculous but then the thoughts keep coming back so I have to keep rushing. This is just a little tad bit of what I experience and I would love to hear from others as I haven’t met anyone else like me before. Thank you!