I'm feeling like this is going to be long since I don't share this with anyone. My main problem is fear of contamination while urinating/defecating, I only go to the bathroom once a day, and it is affecting me severely. I stay in my room all day, so that the absence of any physical activity would save me the trouble of using the toilet. I come from Pakistan and we use traditional toilets where you have to crouch down to pee/poop, afterwards you wash with a pot of water using hands. This is my main problem, I feel so disgusting afterwards that I spend almost half an hour washing my hands with soap if I have long fingernails, and ten minutes if I've just cut the nails. I cut my nails after every five days. Though my nails grow slowly, I still cut them because I have this feeling that germs (/fecal particles) are in them. During washing my hands, I use soap under my nails too. And not just hands, after washing my hands I wash both my arms, feet, and face with soap for fear that fecal particles may have stuck there during flushing the toilet, and because the water splashes on my feet when I wash my nether regions. I don't see any other way, using paper towels is not an option, I find that more disgusting. Usually when I defecate, I feel so disgusting that I take a bath afterwards, I wash my nether regions with soap so vigorously that I get soap burns (the worse thing is that I have chronic anal fissures, soap irritates that area, but I just can't stop using it). My baths are almost three hours long, minimum 1.5 hours (I have improved a lot, since I used to have 6 hour long baths). I have improved due to medication, I started taking meds a year ago, I only visited the therapist twice, he was condescending and told me again and again how religion was going to help me, not therapy (weird, but okay). I took those meds for a month and then he changed the meds and they started to make my condition worse. I stopped taking meds. After months, my mother visited another therapist for me and I started taking the meds she prescribed. I felt great, I had no panic attacks, even during my exams, this was huge for me because I always get panic attacks during exams. But once a month I started having panic attacks again, everything else was fine (apart from the fact I avoided going outside and still only used the toilet once a day). I started having other problems then: abdominal pain, diarrhea/constipation, anxiety, panic attacks regularly while on the medication. I read about the medication and these were the side effects. I stopped taking those since my bathing time was also increasing. I know, one of my major problems is that I have absolutely zero contact with my therapist. But this is because of my first experience. Also my parents were there when I used to visit the therapist, (in the same room), so I couldn't possibly say all these things, I couldn't describe my specific fear. I just want a normal life where I can pee/poop whenever I want ? One of the reasons I never mention it to anyone is that I feel that this is hilarious.