I'm so tired of this shit between the coronavirus and my hocd it is so exhausting being awake. Sleep is a reprieve from all of it. I can't believe that 2 weeks ago I was doing so well thought I was straight knew I didn't want to be with female to it now being back to the way I was before ruminating, thinking I'm bisexual again, believing all the thoughts, sensations, and feelings to be proof. Like I'm back in that mindset that there is no way it isn't true it feels to real and true to not be.

I probably wouldn’t say it’s not normal or healthy. It’s OCD. And for people who struggle from it, needing to know is an incredibly normal symptom of it. It doesn’t help OCD. But it’s common and understandable.

@ragolrappy Yeah, is what I meant. I just worry about this poster. She's so caught up in such a pointless worry which is never in a million years going to be solved by obsessing, that she's not living her life at all. A whole life, passing her by, and we all know it's not going to get any better until she can accept the anxiety of not knowing and choose to live in spite of it. I think to be honest she kind of needs the reminder that this isn't a normal or healthy way to live and something needs to change. Posting on here multiple times a day about new evidence and new thoughts on it isn't healthy at all. I love this app, it's a great place to get support and encouragement and not feel alone, and even very taboo stuff is met with understanding and sympathy. But when we make a post on here, we now have to check several boxes agreeing that we will use known treatment methods like ERP to treat our OCD, and confirm that our posts aren't reassurance seeking or verbalising our thought-spirals. And it's for good reason: it's so so bad an idea to do those things, it makes the OCD worse.

@Louw I get it but we are all on the same team. I’d encourage positive change but I think the way you worded your posts were not the best or terribly encouraging.

@ragolrappy Well, it's part frustration. This is probably the 10th time in a week of basically posting this and ignoring everybody's advice. I feel like there's only so much I can be purely positive, but next time I'll probably just not comment

@Louw That’s probably for the best. Post something kind or not at all. I understand being frustrated. But I learned from my parents that frustration actually makes it a lot worse for me to get better. Wouldn’t want that to happen here

@ragolrappy It's alright, I saw we have the option to flag up posts as reassurance seeking so I should be able to just do that and move on. I don't like myself when I'm annoyed.

@Louw I'm not trying to I'm just venting my frustrations. It is hard sometimes not to seek reassurance and I'm trying my best. Sometimes I falter. I'm getting back with a specialist on Monday. So that is good thing. I understand your frustration as well but you need to realize I have no where to turn too. No one I know that has ocd or can understand my struggles except on this app. I feel lonely and wish I knew the proper way to handle my intrusive thoughts without ruminating or performing compulsions. That is why I'm hoping that going to a therapist will work out and I'll be able to learn how to handle them properly. I'll stop posting.

@Lina Ah! Then I'm very glad to see that you do realise that it's not healthy to keep engaging with the obsession, AND you're looking to start treatment :) it's best to stop reassurance-posting as it's against the rules but you should definitely stay for the app support, it's really good to have people around who have experienced the same things.

@Louw Ok, thank you. :)

@Lina Best of luck :) You're definitely capable of getting better, I hope it works quickly for you because it seems like a total warzone in your brain, it must be exhausting!

@Lina Actually I've just done some scrolling and I think I've been getting you mixed up with another user who has the same subtypes and worries as you who just posts asking for reassurance and opinions and analysis of her obsessions and passing OCD thoughts. Your comments seem to mostly be venting and asking for support and only a bit of reassurance seeking. I'm sorry if I came on too harsh and made you feel bad, I knew I had made a mental note that I was a bit worried about you but then I thought that it was because of reassurance seeking when actually it must have been because of you sounding so stressed and miserable all the time.

@Louw Oh, ok. Thank you for the concern. ❤