Hey everybody, I’m really scared to share my story because I’m terrified of judgment, and I’m scared that my ocd makes me a horrible and weak person and I’m just really scared because I feel like I’m the only one and I feel so alone. But I can’t stop crying and I’m in a place Rn where I can’t even get out of my bed, and I should just write out my feelings maybe it’ll be helpful so here goes nothing. Last night and the night before, I’ve felt kinda unlucky and I’ve gotten myself into really traumatic situations, I won’t go too deep into it, but basically, a lot of the times when bad things happen to me, My ocd gets triggered times 100, and I start obsessing over anything that has ever been an ocd problem for me in the past. I don’t know if it’s to numb the pain and bring my mind to more pain, or what it is, but it just happens. I’ve been ruminating a lot about one of them which I’ll explain. Not trying to ask for reassurance or anything, i think that this app just encourages empowerment and improvement and so that’s what id like to exercise. I am head over heels in love with my boyfriend who I’ve known since I was 8 years old, and we started dating nine months ago. We want to be together forever and we’ve like each other for so long. For some reason I keep having ocd thoughts about his ex girlfriend who went to my high school. They never dated seriously or anything, it was super short term and they never were in love or anything. I never was friends with her, never hung out with her, we were just friendly acquaintances. And me and my boyfriend started dating years after they had broken up. Even though I was never friends with this girl, for some reason I am convinced that I did something wrong and horrible by dating my boyfriend, because I was acquainted with this girl and I have intrusive ocd thoughts saying what if I hurt her feelings, I know it sounds ridiculous. I think I even tried to be friends at one point and she was just with the popular group and sorta ignored me. Once we did start dating tho, she was in a new relationship and she messaged me asking and told me that she was super happy for the both of us and that she thought we are absolutely adorable together. And I asked her and she said she had absolutely no problem with it because if I’m happy she’s happy, and that he’s an amazing guy and that her and him were nothing serious and that it was years ago, and that she shipped us together and loved our relationship. I know that it really can’t get more resolved than that, and I am super happy in my relationship and I couldnt ask for anything better and more amazing, it’s just my ocd drives me insane sometimes. My ocd tends to always follow this exact same pattern where I am constantly afraid that I did something wrong or hurt someone’s feelings, and I am blessed that my man is so loving and supportive through everything. If you made it this far thank you so much for listening, i think that this platform is absolutely amazing so we can empower each other ❤️much love?
