I'm so *** TIRED of my anxiety. sometimes I can make it easy with my compulsions, but sometimes I can't. I'm tired of my low concentration during doing tasks, tired of re-reading the same part of the text for 3 times (and even more) not because I don't understand, but because I simply can't REMEMBER what have it even said. tired of always worrying about what will be, what others will think, or how I can fail. and guess what? I'm afraid of healing because I don't know who I am without my anxiety anymore. ugh, sorry...

I get what you mean :( yesterday I read the same part of an article around 7 times. It’s really frustrating, yet I can’t move on unless I’ve done it. I’m terrified of recovery as I won’t be myself without my ocd, after all I’ve had it since I was like 5

Tolby. Totally understand your frustrations I too have the same ones. I find that i re read and honestly I don’t understand much about what I am supposed to focused on these days. The biggest reason for this is constant mind chatter. Rumination!! I believe that if we can all stray to at least try to meditate, and practice mindfulness then we are more likely to be in the moment when the moment is calling us. It’s so hard , and these days for me I personally find myself spinning in circles most days over the same constant self pitty because my OCD has got me in to a complete shit storm of self doubt, hopelessness and overall mad frustration. When I look back I’ve kinda always Re read things again and again because my brain thought that I must have missed something, or in school I would Re read because I thought if I can’t get this I’m going to fail. I put a lot of pressure on myself to get things just right and they never were and that’s when self confidence, and low self esteem kicked in. Now I Re read and I get frustrated so I tell myself hey you’ve always Re read stuff so why so bothersome now ?? I think as OCD progresses it bothers you more and more with age. I’m 37 now recently diagnosed and the last 1.5 years has been a disaster. Knowledge is power. Don’t stop fighting, don’t be afraid of recovery!! The reason I feel people don’t recover is because deep down they know what kind of work they have a head of them. They know that recovery means exercise daily. Eat right. Reading. Journaling thoughts. Commitment to ERP 100%. Commitment to CBT 100%. Meditation. Eliminating alcohol if you drink. Stopping drugs if that’s your thing. Opening up to your loved ones that you have an illness. Possible medication. Maybe a career change. Maybe getting out of the toxic relationship your in. The list goes on and on and on so because of the anxiety alone of climbing the mountain to recovery and not knowing that if you try climb to the top you still might not be where you expected to be is often reason enough that people just keep doing what their doing. Feeling how there feeling. They continue to think how they always have and the true reason for this is because at least stating how you are right now is Familiar!!! Stepping outside the box and chasing your dreams is scary as hell and so much of the self doubting part of OCD is also the very self doubting aspect that keeps people from ever truly trying... cheers guys