Thought for the day. We’re all on this website for a reason and it’s because we struggle to keep our thoughts focused in the right direction. We’re all perfectionist, we’re sensitive and analytical. We want what seems like everyone else around us has. We want peace of mind , self love and to just outright get over the mind torture of OCD !! Living with a broken brain is not easy and if your all like me you wanted to be fixed yesterday or in my case 15 years ago. You want to just stop thinking about killing yourselves, or obsessing about hurting the ones that are dearest to your heart. You want to quite thinking your a pedi file or stop counting numbers that don’t mean 2 shits. You wanna stop ruminating and be able to just stay in the precious present moment. Everyone here wants to learn ERP perfectly and master CBT. They wanna go to their therapy sessions and come out after spending hundreds of dollars and just be normal again. We want the pain to go away. We want the anxiety to disappear and the panic attacks to fade away. We want to tell ourselves that if I didn’t have this xxxxx I’d be just fine and life would be good. We want life to just plain and simply be fair because we’ve been through a lot and by god I deserve a break .... Right ??? Well my thoughts are life isn’t perfect, things are never going to be fair and to sit back on the pitty me wagon which we all do only reenforces our already self doubt and fears that we all carry! Time to take the power back. Time to let go and I mean learn to let fucking go. Time to make a commitment and as Tony Robins says until you decide to make a decision, a true resolution and dedicate your every waking moment to change whatever it is in your life that you know will set you free then you will always be stuck in the forever cycle of wondering why your life still has not changed. When I look back at my patterns. At my thoughts and how I have set myself up for failure. When I look back at the 15 plus years of worry. Stress. Depression, anxiety , confusion and felling of hopelessness and lack of self love it is no wonder that at 37 I’m not gaining ground. I knew I had anxiety at 19 I knew something was wrong at 22 and 25. I knew I needed help at 27 and 31. My kids were born in 2013 and 2015. 2 boys Alex and Jack. My first intrusive thought of harm towards my loved ones and my children were over 5 years ago and my OCD has gotten to levels of pure insanity. You wanna talk self doubt with me bring it on! I love the challenge and live for the opportunity. I’ve catastrophically put myself in the grave thousands of times. I’ve diagnosed myself with cancers of every inch of my body every time I feel pain or that I’m unsure why my chest hurts , or my throat or head. I’ve worried for 30 years about family and trying to fix dis function . I’ve wrote hundreds of pages in journals trying to tell myself I’m ok. I’ve ignored Drs when they tell me I’m fine and go as far as second opinions or even specialists. I’ve lied to my family and friends and have always been calm cool collective and the person that everyone wants to be around. I’ve grew up in an alcoholic environment and suffered an entire child hood of guilt shame, fear , insecurities and low self esteem. I’ve told myself all the wrong message my entire life and here is the point . Every single thing I have ever thought or told myself that has created this beast that I now have to live with every single day called OCD has not ever even once proven to be true. I still don’t have cancer , I haven’t killed all my children and family. I haven’t gone crazy and been locked up in a mental institution. I yet to run out of a public place in fear of going crazy or embarrassing myself. I sit here today completely successful in a million ways. I have my health. My beautiful children and a wife that cares for me deeply. I have a job that I have been successful at , and it has made me the kind of money that has enabled me to be very wealthy, and I am one of the top guys in the area of my work. Every single one of us has been lying to ourselves about our entire existence. It’s time to recall the self doubting disease , and re name it self empowering disorder. It’s time to not take in another year with the same old mindset and learn to fight back. It takes years to get this far down the rabbit hole and it’s going to take some time to get out. The true key lies in the ability to accept your broken brain. I still struggle daily but knowing that my broken brain is mine and also knowing that the true key lies in the ability to break free and to declare war on the stigma that is diagnosed or classified in everyone of us. We’re all going to die. That’s a fact and from the date they put on the left side of the tombstone is the day you were born. On the right is the day you die and we all have an obligation to make the most of every day that is in between those two dates. If we chose to live anything less than having the amazing gift of life then that’s on us. Dedication and recovery takes time and a lot of hard fucking work!! If you do what is hard your life will be easy but if you do what is easy your life will be hard. I’m in 100% for the hard life. Fuck OCD and the bullshit horse it rode into my life on. Time to wake up everyday early. Get down on my knees and be greatful. Time to exercise daily no excuse. Time to meditate 2-3 times a day no excuse. Time to eat healthy food and treat your body like a temple and your mind like a jewel. Time to read . Time to write. Time to open up and give back and volunteer. Time to give up the fear and thought about climbing the mountain to recovery and wondering if when I get there that I still won’t be better... it’s just time to climb !! The reason people sit back and complain about their current circumstances is because they are too busy repeating the same patterns that have got them to where they are today. Trust me I’ve done it for years so I must be insane. People will hardly ever take the high road because knowing what it takes to be who we all know that we can, and to accomplish the very thing that keeps us all stuck in the hamster wheel is also the very thing that makes us all stuck in the uncertainty that we can never heal. This my friends is why we are all stuck! We make choices to either work our asses off and dedicate 100% knowing there is no guarantee to succeed. Or we sit back and do what is comfortable and familiar because at least with that we know what tomorrow brings! I know what my path is ... what’s yours ??