I’m having a lot of trouble with something and idk what to do or who to trust or where to go to. I just don’t know what to do I feel I can’t talk about it with anyone but it’s bothering me so bad and I need to talk to someone about it.

Thank you. I really am so scared of judgement so it’s been hard figuring out what to do. But also I feel guilty so I’ll make it as vague as possible? And probably delete this later. Anyways I have a friend I’ve known for almost a decade. They used to not be this way but now they’re extremely... right wing to put it bluntly. But they constantly make really terrible jokes and it makes me extremely uncomfortable and I LOVE them they’re my friend! But the things they say makes my ocd go off where I feel like I’m a horrible person because of the things they say. I already lost a friend last year of ten years, I don’t want to lose another friend. And this friend has done so much for me, so I feel so so much guilt.

And also their views a lot of the times are bad takes and idk it is rly putting me in a lot of stress :( I try to avoid those topics or ignore it but my ocd keeps bugging me and I feel like I’m living a lie.

I mean, I do think I have legit reasons to be upset with things they say. It’s more so ocd making me scared I’m living a lie and that I’m a horrible person because of what someone else says. If that makes sense. I love them and they’ve helped me through so much especially with holidays and falling out with my best friend of ten years last year. I can’t even begin to explain all the good they’ve done for me. Which is why I feel so so much guilt.

@Mars Perhaps voicing your discomfort to them in a respectful way would contribute to solving the actual problem, and not the distraction OCD is creating from it

@NOCD Advocate - Katie In the past I’ve voiced discomfort and they said I was trying to be controlling... which that was like... what. When all I asked them was to not use one specific word that upset me.

@Mars That seems quite inconsiderate of them :(

@Louw Yeah... it just feels so frustrating. I feel stuck. And I feel like I’m living a lie to other friends I have and my ocd says if they knew they’d say im a horrible person. I dunno.

@Mars Do you think you're a horrible person?

@NOCD Advocate - Katie Sometimes I really don’t know. I’m trapped in my room because of covid and general depression really so I’m constantly on social media. I see constant political stuff which makes my grey hair probablt way worse and I’m only 23. Everything is so black and white online. And the other issue is I need to be active on social media. Because I’m a freelancer. But yeah it’s constant seeing call out culture stuff.

@Mars Since you're not sure if you're a horrible person or if other people think you're a horrible person, maybe you could act as if you're a normal person, with some strengths, a bunch of averageness, and a couple weaknesses.

@NOCD Advocate - Katie I’d like to think I’ve started trying to see myself that way, but when I see certain things online where people say “if you do this” or “if you do that” then you’re a horrible person and see so many people agree it’s hard not to believe it.