Just wondering if anyone else here has a dual diagnosis of OCD and BPD? Sometimes, I feel like my OCD around my morals and being a good person and not hurting others has masked my BPD anger symptoms and turned them mostly inwards. The majority of people when I meet them couldn't tell that I have either. Most professionals don't believe I have BPD initially, but after doing a comprehensive assessment of my family background and history of mental illness, my psychiatrist determined that this was my diagnosis (both OCD and BPD run in my family). So I guess I was just wondering, if you have experienced both, how do the symptoms of both disorders interact with each other for you, and have you found it has made it more difficult in receiving a diagnosis and recovering? Any tips? :)

Self-dx’ing isn’t always/necessarily a bad thing. I can’t afford to go to a psychiatrist and get a formal diagnosis due to financial instability, all I know is that I’m suffering and I’m taking it upon myself to find what’s causing it. I’ve never stated that I outright have a specific disorder, hence why I said “suspect.” Moreover, I’m doing loads of research nearly everyday trying to educate myself about various disorders as well as general mental health topics. Self-dx’ing because you want to identify with something you find “trendy,” or because you want recognition in some way, is when it becomes an issue.

@0Aqi0 Oh ok sorry I did not understand that way. I m glad it helps you I said that because for my case, it stressed me out to auto diagnosis me with all kind of personnality disorder

@bebrave❤️ I can see how that could be stressful, especially given how complex mental health issues can get. Sorry if there was any misunderstanding ✌️

@0Aqi0 Yeah I understand where you are both coming from! With OCD self diagnosing can be a compulsion and it is one that I actually have so I totally understand why you should be careful, but if you truly believe you have bpd then don't give up on getting the diagnosis. I suspected bpd a long time ago and my psychologist said there was no way, but then 7 years later when the thought was completely out of my mind (I didn't even bring it up to my psychiatriast), I was diagnosed with it! Turns out I was right all along :/ so it reeeeeally can be tricky. I hope you are both doing well! If either of you suspect that you have bpd I suggest you look into the borderline personality workbook by someone who I forget but I will comment the author in a second!!

@Emmaaaahh By Daniel J Fox. His book makes me not feel bad about having a personality disorder, and really helps you understand the roots and how to improve your symptoms. He mentions that even if you have not been diagnosed, but have borderline tendencies, it isn't a bad book to read! If you have any questions let me know ❤ you are both so strong and thanks for replying!!!

@Emmaaaahh Thanks you both. I guess we have a lifetime to learn who we are, and what we struggle with. We heal and get sick and heal again, I mean nothing is permanent And that makes me have hope for ocd !

@bebrave❤️ Yes this app and hearing other people's success stories have given me hope. I know we can recover from this ?

I mainly have symptoms of both self-destructive and discouraged BPD :) the disorder can present itself in so many different ways, and when you throw comorbidities in there it becomes even more so! Best of luck to you too!!

Of course :) so basically I notice my BPD the most when it comes to relationships. If I'm not in a relationship, I have to find another one, because when I'm not with someone I feel completely empty. Basically, I just have these rapidly fluctuating moods (going from dissociative to depressed and self destructive to angry to anxious and like pretty happy sometimes too). I havent quite figured out what triggers these moods, but they can last anywhere from an hour to a day (or sometimes longer). Where my OCD comes into play with my BPD seems mostly to do with morals. I often get the urge to say things that would be considered manipulative or downright cruel, and when I feel the urge to say something like that, my OCD destroys me for it, and then I start to obsess over the fact that I'm a bad person and manipulative and compulsively apologize (even if I don't end up saying the manipulative thing which is the case most times cuz my OCD is like NOPE you're a bad person if you say that). So the combination has really turned my explosive anger episodes inwards which made it hard for professionals to detect. When my BPD was really bad I used to abuse prescription pills and drink to get rid of the emptiness and depression it would cause me. I feel like I don't know myself and would do anything for someones approval, even if they don't mean that much to me. This has caused a lot of chaos in my relationships with family and friends. Sometimes I feel the urge to disconnect with friends and reconnect with them out of the blue. It feels like there is constant conflict between me wanting everyone to love me for who I am but being completely terrified to show anyone the real me. And then it just results in frustration, depression and anxiety. That being said there are subtypes of both BPD and OCD so it can present itself completely differently in other people! What is your experience like? :) maybe I can shed some light

@Emmaaaahh Wow Emma we have the same ocd theme ! I am afraid of being manipulative too and a bad personn ! (And my name is Emma too lol this is too much) I think that the limits of ocd and bpd are kind of fuzzy, don’t you? I hope you feel ok today!

@bebrave❤️ Lol that's incredible!!! (Not that you are suffering, but that we are so similar). The limits between BPD and OCD are really fuzzy... ?It's so hard to tell what is happening because of what and then having them both makes it harder for me to exhibit my symptoms of either and it just becomes a huge mess and a lot of it happens internally ?. I am feeling better today than I have in like 10 years though so i have a lot of hope!! I've been working hard to really understand my mental illness, being accepting of the severity of it and to implement more therapeutic practices into my day. It's been absolutely exhausting but I've been starting to feel better! I hope you are doing okay right now too. I know how tough it can be when the little voice in your head constantly tells you that you're the problem because you're not a good person. I love talking to people who are going through similar things, so if you ever need anything let me know! Stay strong because I know you are ❤

@Emmaaaahh That is a great progress !! This proves there is hope. If you feel better now than 10 years ago, imagine in 10 years ! You will probably feel great ! Yeah and it is hard to understand where does this little voice come from. Is it the voice of ocd, of bpd, or something else ? I try to stop self diagnosis, for now I just have ocd but its form is kind of tricky and can be comparable with bpd because it is attacking my identity and self love ! I am sure you know what I mean! I hope you will continue your journey through healing !! You are strong ?

@Emmaaaahh Thanks for that explanation! My experience is basically, I’ve had some kind of obsessive mental issue for about 4 years now that my family and I are fairly certain is OCD. I’ve been able to deal with it and manage it, but this year I started college and my OCD got a LOT worse and started manifesting itself in different ways than before. I wasn’t very thrilled to be going to that particular college anyway, which I think made it easy for OCD to take advantage of that. The longer I lived on my own out at college, the worse it got, and it wasn’t long before my OCD became completely debilitating and kept me from leaving my dorm and going to classes. I began to get pretty severe depression and also some depersonalization/derealization type symptoms as a result (which I now suspect may be BPD) and I had to leave college to come home very often before this pandemic sent everyone home for the year. Now, I’m taking online classes, but my OCD continues to get worse by the day even though I’m not going back to college this year. I don’t know what to do about it, I should be better being away from the triggers of college but for whatever reason it’s become debilitating here and neither I nor my family know how to get help for it.

@bebrave❤️ You're so right. I feel like many feel like they are hopeless, but recovery is possible for everyone as long as they receive the right help and are determined! Self diagnosis has always been difficult for me to stop doing, mostly because I had been suffering so badly and it didn't feel like only depression (which is what I was told I had for the longest time). I would have depressive episodes that lasted for only a day or a couple hours and if you have depression it doesn't just "go away" like it did for me, which is why I got into the habit of making myself knowledgeable about mental health disorders. Mental health diagnosis is tricky, which is why it's so important that the one who diagnoses you is knowledgeable in the area, and that they do an extensive analysis of your background and medical history! I hope your journey to recovery goes well too!! Your path won't be linear upwards, I can tell you that much, but I'm sure 10 years from now you'll be feeling better than ever!!? you'll always have this forum and the people in it to support you ?

@mwilson35 You're so welcome! Honestly OCD will take hold of any doubt you have and make you doubt it to a point where you don't even know anymore, so it makes sense you were struggling with college. I have changed my major 5 times because of OCD. I struggled this year in university a lot and actually got to a point where I couldn't leave the house either, so I know how awful that must have been for you and I'm sorry you had to go through that :( I'm sorry that you are still going through that. Do you have easy access to medical care? I found that being prescribed antidepressants really helped me be able to get back out into the world again and not completely freak out being in public (I even asked a question in class the last day before we were sent home because of the pandemic). I'd say going to your doctor or a psychiatrist and explaining your OCD to them would be a great first step to recovery. I found since then, my OCD hasn't been as debilitating and I've been able to spend time on therapy. Another option that I found helped with my OCD was meditation (even though at first I was like HA meditation how the hell is that gonna help). After doing it consistently for a week my mind just felt more clear. I use simple habit. Dissociation can happen because of severe anxiety which having OCD causes, so dissociation could be a symptom of your OCD being so severe. I really hope you start feeling better soon. This pandemic really doesn't help us with bad mental health but we are strong and will get through this. I believe in you!?

@Emmaaaahh I really appreciate the encouragement! I’ve been to a few therapists and most recently a “mental health specialist” who didn’t seem to be able to help much. As for medication, part of me is afraid to try it because I’m worried about it changing who I am, and I really don’t want to mess with my brain’s chemical makeup if I don’t have to. Also, have you heard about dissociation being a symptom of more severe OCD cases? That’s a question I’ve had for a long time

@mwilson35 Yeah with OCD going to a specialist is really the best if you can. The unfortunate thing is there arent many people who are super knowledgeable about the disorder. Are you able to access the therapists through this app? They seem to be incredibly good at what they do :) medication can be scary, but I can tell you that it won't change who you are and won't screw up your brain chemistry! I am a student in neuroscience and we did a portion on antidepressants. They don't even fix a chemical imbalance. What they do is promote positive neuroplasticity, so that your brain is able to mend itself through therapeutic exercises. Medication honestly saved me and has been a great experience (although side effects can be a pain in the ass). Of course, don't do anything you're not comfortable with! It's just something to consider :) the first few weeks on meds are pretty rough before it gets better anyways so it totally depends on what you want! Therapy is another great option for OCD recovery and can work on it's own for sure. As for dissociation, that can definitely be a symptom of the severe anxiety ocd causes. What kind of dissociation do you experience? :)

I've been learning a lot lately about how the symptoms of the two interact with each other and I've found it to be really interesting and helpful for my recovery to understand what's going on with my emotions and in my head. How have you been doing lately? ?

@Emmaaaahh Yeah that’s what I’m slowly learning. I haven’t been the best lately, ocd and bpd actually going off p bad... some days it’s worse for one or the other. But I’m trying to learn how to control them more. It’s hard but trying is all you can do sometimes ya know? Animal crossing has definitely been helping keep me company. How are you?

@Mars Today has been an especially rough day. In general my BPD has gotten better (a lot better since I was in my teens) but some days are harder than others. I'm finding today the emptiness is really hitting me hard. I feel like BPD is so unpredictable. I've been hanging out with my brother and my dog today to distract myself from the emptiness. I find now that coronavirus is bad i can't do as much to distract myself ? trying is definitely all you can do sometimes. It's nice to talk to people who understand

@Emmaaaahh Oh I understand... both feeling anxiety from corona AND the emptiness... my dog may be getting put down soon and I feel empty and can’t seem to cry rn... and corona has me freaking out about my health mainly considering I may have it so I’ve been quarantined in my room.. animal crossing has been keeping me company. But yeah I definitely understand. Most people I try to talk to has either ocd or bpd but not both so they only understand half of both worlds u_u

@Mars Ugh the combination is such a pain in the ass ? idk about you but with both I just like have these mood swings and emotions that are so out of control but I try so hard to control them because I hate not having control and it's just stressful. I'm so sorry to hear about your dog :( my dog is 15 and has bad kidney disease so I feel that too I'm terrified to lose her. I'm starting to get a cough now too and it kind of just feels like the world is falling apart and i feel so empty about it all... feeling really dissociated today too. Have been chewing on some ice to snap me back into reality haha but it only lastlasts so long. I'm glad I have someone to relate to

@Emmaaaahh Yeah it’s kinda the same for me too. I always end up disassociating or feeling empty or numb. My moods go back and forth like a pin dropping. It can be so quick that it makes me think I’m faking. My ocd and bpd play off of each other so badly it gets stressful. I’m sorry about your dog as well :( I hope things get better for you