I feel like my whole life is over. I had a same sex dream last night which involved a damily member is lgbtq and it seemed like I enjoyed it. Now I'm getting these thoughts and feelings. I dont know what to do anymore. I've been wanting to be with a man since i can remember even though I've always found women attractive. So now idk what to do. I don't want to be lesbian, bi,ir anything else. I just want to go back to my normal slightly boy crazy self.

My therapist said categories are our enemy. We have very rigid ideas of what’s okay for someone who is “straight” vs “gay”. What if we believed in the spectrum? There is gray area. But I love a man, want to have sex with a man, etc. and that matters more than the nuances of our identities

@Immorethanocd So true thank u. I thoughtvit was just me. I'm going crazy and im scared as well. But im going to try that and confront it head on. Thanks

@honorroll1 I’ve had so much trouble with this. Look - sexuality is weird as fuck. There is so much gray. And ocd LOVES that. There are also a lot of functionally straight women who are turned on by women but desire a connection with men more. There are also lesbians. Does it really matter the specific category if we want to be with men?

Thank you i'm glad I'm not alone

Thank u

Nothing would happen if i was but it's not something that feels right for me. And i feel like if i was then I would be living a lie somehow.

@honorroll1 You've always found women attractive but it doesn't feel right for you? Plenty of bisexual people only or usually date the opposite sex, it's very normal.

@Louw Yea it's hard to explain. But I''ve never had a "crush" or feelings for women ever. So thats why it doesn't feel natural to me.

@honorroll1 When someone uses the words "feel right" it can be an indicator of OCD. If you have OCD, something not feeling 100% comfortable in every way tends to make you feel like you need to get rid of it. I promise you can live with slightly-uncomfortable things. I'm bisexual and haven't dated girls since I was 15. You say being bi and dating a man would be like living a lie, but could describe being bisexual and dating a woman instead of a man in the exact same way. Neither of them is a lie, you just do what you want. I'm basing my comments on you saying that you have always been attracted to women btw.

@honorroll1 Why can't you just be someone who dates men and sometimes finds women attractive? There's no rule against it. It probably describes most women.

@Louw Yea i understand what you're saying. It just makes me freak out, because I feel like my mind wont settle on something. I feel like because of this I won't be able to connect with guys and I'll be stuck living in a life that i dont want. Idk

@Louw @Louw You're right thats true I never considered that. I just feel like i'm a complete mess because i can't decide on one or the other. My mind keeps making me think im lying to myself or something. Idk . Thank u for the rational. It helps alot

@honorroll1 I’m so glad I’m not the only one that feels this way. Thanks for the comments.

@swill321 Thank u for commenting and being encouraging.

@honorroll1 Sounds like your OCD is attaching consequences to ramp up your anxiety. It's ok to have a grey area, you can survive grey areas and things which aren't fully understood, we all can. The important thing is that when it makes you freak out and grasp for an answer, to use ERP to treat that as a compulsion you mustn't do. The only thing that is going to have the potential keep you from connecting with guys is your OCD. And by that I mean not the topic which you think is the problem, but the actual OCD. As for living a life that you don't want, same thing. You're in control of your choices about who you date or marry etc. You can choose whatever life you want. If you don't want it, you don't have to choose it. You can live a life that makes you happy. It's obsessively second guessing about "would I be happier dating a different gender partner?" which has the potential to cause your life to be something you don't want, as that OCD causes you to suffer. The second guessing is another compulsion driven by the need for an answer, and part of your need for an absolute answer comes out of a fear of regret. Regret is always a risk in life, but there are no guarantees. You could marry a man and regret it, or date a woman and regret it. It's counterproductive to allow the fear of regret to keep you paralysed and unable to do anything out of fear of making the wrong choice. If we all did that with things, nothing would ever happen, we'd just stay under our beds. Risk is a part of life. Just make the choices that you want to when they arise- if you have a crush on a guy and want to date him, do it. OCD can mess with your head by making you overthink to extremes and overanalyse what you want, but it can't actually change what you want. Do what you want and treat the rest as OCD.

@Louw Thank you

Yea only 1 but it didn't work out

I have. And I’ve felt in love with butterflies and everything. So why does this other shit matter. Cling to experiences you’ve had just to calm some anxiety, but in the long term you’ve got to treat the Ocd

No i want to but im terrified for some reason. I had the opportunity to date this guy that im still crazy about but it didnt work out

@honorroll1 Okay. So you have an attraction to men. This is ocd talking and we’ve got to fight hard. Stop thinking in terms of straight and gay. Think about your desires, follow those, and tell ocd to suck it. I love my boyfriend and I don’t want this to ruin my relationship so I’m going to try to follow my own advice. We should try some relaxation tonight and check in tomorrow

@honorroll1 Look, this has ruined sex for me because I’m always anxious and overthinking that it’s never great, but it can be, especially if we want it

@Immorethanocd Yea i overthink everything all tbe time too. Thanks so much i appreciate it. I think the OCD tears me apart so much as well because im 23 and never really went out with someone. But thanks for talking to me. Thanks for the advice. It really helped

@honorroll1 Hey I’m 22 and have had a boyfriend for years who I love and do not want to lose to some dumb HOCD. I’ve gotten through it with him before and I’m a lot like you. There’s hope. We need to stand tall, I’m not letting any of live in fear because we have a chemical imbalance.

@Immorethanocd Thanks

@honorroll1 ❤️