So I am currently having a panic attack at 2am, this is terrible. I'm about to go to sleep and my mom is walking to her room my mind randomly says "you're attracted to your mother" and I'm like wtf!? No. My mom is my whole heart and I love her but not like that. I then go to the kitchen to grab a few things then I remember saying "mommy" and then I started randomly moaning but that's because I was thinking of my boyfriend just after, I swear. Two different things but I am horrified bc I said it right after. Like that was just so out of context I feel so sick. I'm so afraid this will scar my mind forever and will affect my relationship with my mom. like this is by far the most embarrassing thing I'm so disturbed I need help I feel I'm going insane. My mind is freaking out more bc I said it out loud but they were unrelated I feel so sick, has anyone gone through the same or similar? Help!

irish_and_ocd

Date posted: 5y

I have had extremely disturbing sexual obsessions too. I know how horrifying and terrifying it is. You are NOT alone. We stand with you. Are you in therapy? Have you made any steps toward recovery yet?

catherinez

Date posted: 5y

No I have not, this just happened a few hours ago and it is the most horrifying thing yet, I might have to seek therapy, I’m so scared of this affecting my relationship with my mother whom I care for so much , as well as my boyfriend

buddhaboy

Date posted: 5y

Having OCD thoughts about a family member, or anyone you care about is terrible. If it is one of the first times you are expericing it, it is incredibly confusing. Glad you are getting help - it can absolutely can better and you can get through it and come out feeling like yourself again (Speaking from experience)

catherinez

Date posted: 5y

I’m so paranoid bc I was thinking out loud and I said it out loud, but I went into an immediate shock after and reassured myself that I was thinking of my boyfriend romantically and not my mom but I got freaked out bc both were so close together ? My mom is my best friend and whole heart, we are in quarantine and I’m worried I won’t be able to look at her quite the same, what steps did you take?

buddhaboy

Date posted: 5y

I suffered for about two years and told no one and did no research. Never had a clue I had OCD. Changed lots of things in my life and eventually symptoms decreased and almost vanished - although in the back of my mind I always feared it coming back. A few years passed and it did come back. This time, I told my partner, went to a therapist, and am currently going through ERP. I also read blogs, books, this app, etc. I am keeping my foot on the gas. It’s hard but I absolutely feel better addressing the problem versus hiding from it.

buddhaboy

Date posted: 5y

Also, getting formally diagnosed relieved me from the idea that I was going crazy, which was a constant fear of mine when everything was bottled up in my own mind.

irish_and_ocd

Date posted: 5y

@buddhaboy So relate! I was undiagnosed for 5 years! Diagnosis is such a relied and honestly so freeing

irish_and_ocd

Date posted: 5y

I know that it is super scary but OCD is treatable and you can recover! I personally use a platform called Faithful Counselling which also has a sister platform called Better Help. You do have to pay but if you send them an email you may be able to try the service for free for a week before you commit. You get matched with a therapist, and if you happen to not like them, you can change therapists. I love my therapist and she is always there for me. I really do recommend you look these up and consider it. I have been using it since September and my quality of life and relationships and everything have improved SO MUCH. I wake up some days so stunned I can't believe how good life can really be. Recovery is out reachable. You've suffered enough. You have an amazing future ahead of you. Love yourself enough to go after it.

catherinez

Date posted: 5y

Thank you hun!! I’m actually currently using a free trial of betterhelp, Have relationships with your love ones improved bc of it?? My mind is blowing it out of proportion bc I said it out loud but I do believe sometimes thoughts that aren’t you are said out loud by accident idk :(((

irish_and_ocd

Date posted: 5y

@catherinez I actually don't talk about it much with my loved ones. My mum is the only person who knows I have OCD. I find it hard to talk about. My therapist is great though and so kind. I really hope you find a great therapist who can really help you, and that Better Help goes well for you. You are STRONGER than you know. You can get through this. Life is so beautiful so go after it. Recovery will be hard at times but it's so worth it. God bless. I wish you all the best!!!

catherinez

Date posted: 5y

@Praise thank you I hope so lol ?? it was just an embarassing moment I am going to talk to the therapist ab it, thanks?

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