I'd really like help with this. I know its it's long but I'd be grateful if you read it. Last year my OCD was VERY bad. I was so ill I couldn't get of bed, I was suffering with responsibility ocd/moral ocd and some POCD. I was absolutely terrified of my own brain. I have no pocd now, I still have aspects of the other two though. Anyway, on FB from an OCD group I started speaking to another sufferer. We had a very reassurance seeking online friendship, it was so unhealthy. I'd give him reassure and vice versa. His obsessions included obsessive online reporting things, worrying about the age of a pornstar and contacted her himself to confirm her age (she was over 18), he sought therapy for all this and told his therapist all this etc. His conversations became triggering to me, so one day when I was really distressed I told him I couldn't speak to him anymore and ended up blocking him. I deleted all the conversations as it was triggering to read back on all my horrific intrusive thoughts and his aswell. I feel very, very distressed thinking about how he has all my conversations with him. All those horrible intrusive thoughts that tormented me are there. My brain keeps wondering, what if he was truly a bad person and lied about his OCD? (I know its ridiculous, he even gave me the name of the place he got therapy and insisted I rang them). My brain is like "what if he shares those messages somewhere?". We were clearly both distressed OCD sufferers, I'm sure this happens a lot. I just feel distressed for some reason about this even though all those messages are a back and fourth between us telling eachother how it's okay, it's just OCD and nothing about these horrible intrusive thoughts is real or true. I find this very distressing and I'm not sure how to get over this to be honest.

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

I feel the same way, my mom, my boyfriend and my best friend know the absolute worst of my ocd and I never feel secure but it is what it is. Just try to remember that you confided in him when you were vulnerable and that everyone needs a friend sometimes, not much else you can do

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

I know, I wish I hadn't spoken to a stranger about it though :( but I really had no one else that could remotely understand what I was going through at that point. And to be honest, if he wasnt there for those brief moments of understanding and reassurance, I may not even have been here now. It was such a difficult time for me. Ofcourse there is nothing I can do. I keep having what ifs, like what if he was a liar? What if he was a bad person who didnt have OCD and used it as a cover up? (This is so mad because I KNOW he did) or what if hes a criminal and I had a criminal talking to me? Or what if he commits crimes in the future and then they see everyone hes spoken too and I'm on that list with my distressing ocd thoughts, would that mean something for me? This is utter maddness I know, I'm clearly turning nothing into something and I think that's because my periods due tbh and I get like that before it. Ugh I just hate thinking this much into things.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

@MJocd Can you delay taking action on the fear until after your period? It may be that in a week, this all feels way less important

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