My OCD focuses severly on ethics and morals. I struggle with this so much, and I feel like nobody else in the world understands what I go through on a daily basis. As a teenager for 3 or 4 years I watched porn, when I got into my 20s I educated myself on it and found it to be unethical (for many reasons) so I stopped watching it but the shame never goes away. I turned vegetarian when I was 14, but now I've turned vegan and the fact that I still consumed dairy makes me feel ashamed and I'm scared in future I will cause indirect harm to animals by accidentally consuming animal products. Same with makeup I own that I've recently found gets tested on animals, that is evil and I want to throw it all away. Shame follows me everywhere and in the eyes of normal people I've not really done anything wrong, but personally my own morals dictate these things as equivalent to crimes. Even though consuming dairy or viewing porn online are perfectly normal things people do everyday. So in return I have this feeling that I need to be punished as I may have caused indirect harm through these actions. I dont know how to even rationalise this so I can continue living normally again. This prevents me from living normally because I feel like I'm a bad person and that I dont deserve to live happily.

stop.

Date posted: 5y

We’ve talked before on a post you made and I also struggle with moral ocd. I’ve specifically struggled with vegan/vegetarianism as well. What keeps me at bay is facts. I’m a very factual person. I take facts over opinions, which are the main basis of morals. I refuse to go vegan or vegetarian because the human body is not built to handle that. Any nutritionist would never advise you to take up a vegan or vegetarian diet. Ever. I also believe that nature is nature and things happen. Things eat things and things die. It’s life and life can be cruel. On the other hand I do think the meat industry is excessive and cruel. I’ve seen the videos and I know how much waste it produces. I also know that veganism wont save the planet. Everyone going vegan isn’t feasible and in the end it does more harm than good. Top climate scientists will tell you that. I do believe that ultimate we’d do better going into open cage and free farm based stuff as well as clean meat productions. But all that aside, I used facts to keep this particular obsession at bay. I struggled with it for a while and I thought about going vegan, but now that I’m more educated and have developed my own stance, I feel better just being an omnivore and just making wiser choices as to where my meat comes from. I still hate the meat industry, but I’m not rushing and making decisions to make my ocd go away. I’m educating myself. I feel like it’s more beneficial to do that than just jump the gun.

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

Yes we have spoken before, thankyou again for replying on this post. Moral OCD has completely taken my sanity away over the past 2 years now. It's the hardest obsession I ever have, I cannot and do not ever want to accept that I potentially could have done indirect harm to anything or that I'm an immoral person in some way. Its a terrifying concept to me. I turned vegetarian when I was 14, I am 22 now and I've recently turned vegan after learning more about the dairy industry (which is extremely cruel). I am an extreme empath tbh and I cannot bare the thought of putting any living being in pain, or Indirectly contributing to their pain. I cant fully know if it was OCD that made me anti-porn and vegan, but It probably has something to do with it. With things like this, i feel this sense of shame that I must have lived my life immorally up till the point I made the decisions to be anti-porn and vegan, and that brings along with it a deep sense of shame, guilt and regret. I know this is pure black and white thinking but in my head I put myself into the same category of people who are actual bad people (murderers/rapists etc) and that's really difficult to deal with, because rationally I know that's not the case but OCD works hard to convince me theres no difference, and that's how OCD argues with me. I try to rationalise with it but it still doesn't work :(

stop.

Date posted: 5y

@MJocd Hmm we’re a little different in the sense that I’m not an empath at all. I’m generally pretty apathetic and logical, so I can’t relate on the empathy level. But I do relate to grouping myself in with actually bad people. It’s really hard and it does hurt. I just try to keep reminding myself that life is on a spectrum. Nothing is black and white. I’ve done bad things and I’ve done good things. Everyone has. I just need to calm down and accept myself for what I’ve done.

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

@imokay That's definately interesting. I'm definately an empath through and though. Even more so with OCD bothering me constantly. I guess acceptance is the key but its the hardest thing to accept your worst possible fears. I'm constantly looking to punish myself for my actions while trying to figure out if my actions were actually bad or not. Whenever I get reassurance (which I try not to look for anymore), no one ever tells me I'm a bad person or that I did wrong. They tell me I'm a normal person. Its It's just hard dealing with this everyday. Ugh :(

stop.

Date posted: 5y

@MJocd For me it’s less of me feeling bad about something myself and more about me worrying if other people perceive me as being bad. I’m very focused on how other people view me. So I don’t really seek to punish myself nor am I necessarily upset with myself. I’m just scared of how bad I come off to other people and if they would hate me or not

MJocd

Date posted: 5y

@imokay I also have that too. But most of the time I've told people the things I've worried about, they've always reassured me its OCD and not me. Whenever I've come across people with the same fears as mine, I've reassured them it's their OCD and not them. That's the maddening thing about it. The uncertainty, that 1% of doubt just never goes away.

stop.

Date posted: 5y

@MJocd Yep. OCD is very cyclical and backwards. You can always tell when it’s other people just having OCD, but never yourself.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond