I dont want reassurance. Please don't reassure me but I want to know if others experience this. Especially people with Harm ocd/pocd or any other darker OCD themes that worry you. How do you get on with daily life with all this going on in your head? How do you strive and achieve for your goals? I'm 22, I've been out of employment and education for a few years. I'm currently studying from home trying to get my qualifications so that I can study apply to study a law degree. I mainly have moral/responsibility and I had Pocd. Everytime I try to study, I have intrusive thoughts about how if someone knew about my OCD thoughts or read them it may ruin my future career and life, I feel like a bad person for even having distressing intrusive thoughts . Even though obviously they're just thoughts, horrible ones but just thoughts. But OCD convinces me that I will never achieve anything because even if I try, intrusive thoughts will come true and ruin my future anyway so I should not even try. Anyone else?

Thankyou for your lengthy response, you've actually commented on a few of my recent posts and I appreciate it alot. I too have confessed my thoughts and fears before, not to people I know (sometimes my mum) but mainly online. I always have this worry that a future employer may run some deep checks and find all my posts on various platforms about me worrying about these things horrific intrusive thoughts and I'll be questioned about it, even though I've deleted alot of my posts. My posts and questions were always asking for reassurance on things like "do you think I'm a bad person for this?" "Does this situation make me a bad person?" "What if this situation means I've accidentally broken some moral/ethical/or even legal code?". I was always reassured I am a good person, ive not done anything wrong, nothing my fault, I dont gave responsibility in any matter etc etc so there is all that aswell, the other side of the coin is just as apparent in that regard but ofc OCD want to attach it self to only the horrific scary side of the worst case scenario. Obviously ocd attaches to what you care about most and I care mostly about being a good moral person and upholding the law, I want to practise it and I care about justice so much. So ofcourse it will attach itself to that. Before when I cared about living a long healthy life, it would convince me I had cancer. I know what you mean about OCD preventing you about taking care of yourself and wanting to meet a partner, its true happiness fors feel dangerous, I get it. I guess good ERP is just going for these things regardless and working towards your goals even when OCD is whispering lies into your ears all day long. My mind plays so many tricks on me around all this stuff its it's crazy:( I completely relate to not wanting to be noticed. It's not even out fault we have OCD :(

@MJocd You're welcome! Confessing mine was really confessing something akin to a person with POCD telling people they're a pedophile because they think it's true. It was really awful headspace, I felt like I needed to say it to test how it felt and see if I could just embrace it rather than living with so much pain and confusion. It didn't help that I had no idea that it was OCD. I just knew that all my self reassurance was making the guilt more persistent and making me think that I was in denial. Embracing it looked like my only option for making the pain go away. And even once I'd started to embrace self compassion I still believed for years that I must have at least done something LIKE what I feared I had done and had "confessed" to (it was a real-event OCD), otherwise the guilt and what I said didn't make sense, and I continued repeating the OCD beliefs somewhat despite nothing to back them up. So basically my response to the fear made it worse in every way. Now my fear is that I get judged by that. Knowing it's OCD has helped a lot. It's definitely not our fault we have OCD, it's pure suffering and incredibly unfair. But yeah, what I've done since then is sharing my OCD rather than confessing it, that's what's helped. Not to get reassurance that the fears aren't true, just sharing what I'm going through and about that time where I said that, because it still bothers me so much. Being understood helps and makes me feel less like everyone would automatically judge me, and sharing it voluntarily takes away a lot of its power to control my actions. If an employer questioned you about it, you can direct them to OCD information and resources. I know you're riddled with guilt but you have every right to advocate for yourself, just like me, and you WOULD be able to. You would survive being in that scenario. That's partly why it helps to have friends and family on your side, and a therapist. Back-up, really. You have the right to it. Even if someone with no knowledge of OCD saw it and found it alarming, that situation just requires education. Just like you, when I have talked about my own fears they have been met with understanding, and even telling people that I confessed something untrue has been met with kindness. If ever it wasn't, I'd know it's because they simply don't understand. It's not a reflection on me and I have the right to fight for my happiness and livelihood. Again, the fact that you take control and advocate for yourself and the truth of your situation is generally enough for people itself. Even though it's full of inappropriate guilt and worry, if you don't treat it like a dirty secret, other people aren't going to take it as one. Heck, you could even really take the reins and become an OCD advocate in some format, maybe locally or online, sharing your experience to help others and making the facts of your situation plain at the same time. Being vulnerable and talking about your OCD and your worst times in a way which owns it would be seen as pure courage, not as weakness or alarming. For me, finally talking about it at all has been a big step in taking back control.

Thanks, its helps to know I'm not alone.