My cousin said to me in a conversation "you're the person that is the most moral" "you are the one that will definately go to heaven" "you have never sinned" I have moral OCD... And I instantly felt like I'm living a lie , like in my teen years I watched porn and I also had the most horrific intrusive thoughts so I feel like I've sinned with my thoughts alone and all the worried I've had. I feel like I've sinned and I'm tainted and that I'm living a lie :(

Thankyou, I am aware of that but I guess my brain is always like "well if we are all sinners, then where do your sins lie on the scale of sinning???" You know? Am I worse than others around me? That sort of thing :(

It wasnt actually about moral OCD, she doesn't know about that at all. She was just comparing me to herself and my other cousins, which as a matter of fact made me feel worse. You would think I would have felt better that someone has that view of me but nope, ocd told me I'm a liar and I'm living a lie :(

@MJocd Yeah, it always does that :( reassurance triggers more doubts and guilt, I have a type of OCD with a moralising/scrupulosity element. I had to really hardcore *remove* myself from mulling it over anytime I'm triggered to get on top of it. It hasn't totally gotten rid of it, triggers still cause emotional responses but I don't do my compulsion patterns. This has been the hardest one to get to a point of really believing that I don't need an answer, but I'm getting there. It's always been a question of "I need to know because if I'm awful then I probably couldn't live with myself", literally needing to know whether I deserve to live and feeling like I would never be able to connect with anyone or be vulnerable or feel ok about myself. But working on it from a few angles at the same time has helped me: not doing the confession/rumination compulsions no matter how scary it is, lots of reading and learning about self compassion, building trust with others where you share mistakes etc that feel scary in order to realise that others aren't perfect people and don't expect you to be, and actively filling my life with some other things besides this obsession. Hopefully that helps a bit.

@Louw I have the exact same form of OCD, the exact same thoughts. I too "had to know" and if it was true, I couldn't live with myself either. OCD is a funny thing where it will morph everything into whatever it wants it to be. It will take memories, thoughts, ideas and fears and just lump them together to "prove" something. Accepting uncertainty for moral scrupulosity is the hardest thing ive ever tried to do, hopefully I'll get there:(