Struggling today. My first ROCD turned into HOCD (sexual orientation ocd) and then now is both. Both of these themes were very hard, and especially with ROCD because I hadn’t experienced it before, I was crying everyday. Now I just feel numb. I get thoughts, but feel they aren’t intrusive and feel guilty about them. I’m trying to see the future, and imagining us getting married (which used to make me so happy) but now I just feel guilt and full of doubt, which makes me feel even more guilty. I just wanna go back to normal. I’m so tired of this cycle. Anyone going through something similar?

Thank you!! If you don’t mind me asking, how did your wedding planning/day go? And the proposal? I just get nervous thinking about these things even though before all of this started I was so happy and excited about it. It’s all so confusing and frustrating when I’ve found such a great guy, and all I can think about is this.

@swill321 My ROCD had not started when he proposed so I had no problems. It pretty much came a month before the wedding when everything was planned. Did a psychiatrist diagnose u? Are u taking any meds?

@Jessica89 Yes a therapist diagnosed me and I’m currently doing therapy with nocd. Yes I’m taking some anti depressants.

@swill321 I’m scared I may always feel this way and will not heal ?

@Jessica89 Me too. We will get through it.

@swill321 Have you had other themes?

@Jessica89 Yes. 2 years ago it started with HOCD (sexual orientation ocd) and then a bit of pocd. After that, I started college and got a new job so I didn’t think about it much anymore and got over it. Then, ocd came back with a vengeance in February, first ROCD with questions like “what if I don’t love him anymore” and now it’s back to Hocd and Rocd at the same time. It’s exhausting.

@swill321 Oh wow! I had an eating disorder (related), then sleep OCD, health OCD and now relationship!

@Jessica89 We will get through it hopefully. It just feels like right now that I like girls, and I never have before this and it’s just so sad and I just want to be happy with my boyfriend.

@swill321 Are you doing exposures? What meds are u on? Does it help?

@Jessica89 Not yet. I’m starting exposures on Tuesday. For medication I’m on Lexapro. It’s kind of helping, but at the same time it’s hasn’t been a full month that I’ve been on it. It definitely doesn’t take the thoughts away, but it makes my anxiety durable enough to function, go to work, etc. but at times I feel numb, and the things that did make me feel sad I either feel nothing or a somewhat good feeling (ocd can cause false feelings) and then comes the guilt and anxiety.

@swill321 I’m also on lexapro. Helps my anxiety I guess? Not so much the OCD.. the other themes I could handle. This one is just heart breaking

@Jessica89 I know, me too. I understand.