Hey, these past few months I've been obsessing about hairloss. I'm 19 and my dad got alopecia when he was about 30. I'm getting better because of medication, but constantly research hairloss and ask online if I'm going bald. I'm constantly checking in the mirror and looking at other people hair to compare. More recently I've been really stressed about my brothers hairloss who is 16, I will look at his crown and it looks like he's thinning. If he starts to go bald I feel like I'll just be depressed for him, especially when I'm not thinning from the crown.

Wow! This really resonates with me, I've never really read anything on the topic. I've looked for body dysmorphia related to hair but have never found anything. Thanks

I just get really anxious, I feel like these urges will help me feel better. And sometimes they do, but it's only temporary. Sometimes I just feel like I NEED to search for solution on the internet

@Luca077 Dang, that's OCD to a tee. Most likely BDD. To get rid of the obsession, we just have to let the anxiety be there. It's cool that you have the insight that the urges to do compulsions feel urgent and as if they can make you feel better, by providing at least reassurance if not a guarantee. A lot of us don't even spot that we are choosing to do our compulsions, as it feels so automatic and habitual and extremely necessary. You can survive that anxiety, though. If you struggle to let the anxiety happen without acting on it, my best tips are: 1. to focus on how the emotions feel in your body/lean into them, keeping out of the judging brain and in the feeling body until the emotion is totally processed and felt and goes away. 2. If sometimes the first point feels too difficult and scary, literally promise your brain that you'll do those compulsions get your reassurance to feel better and find your answers but not *right now*. Literally delaying. Delay delay delay. And try to do tip 1 again with the "I WILL LATER" in mind. Doing these breaks your habits of doing the compulsions. Sometimes very quickly. It proves to your brain you can cope with the anxiety the topic causes, which makes your brain send you less anxiety about it in the future. You'll still be in control of your actions once you feel your feelings- feeling them isn't the same thing as accepting that they say anything accurate about reality or letting them control your actions. You'll be perfectly at your liberty to make whatever choices you want, from shaving your head as a fuck you to OCD, to a hair transplant. You just won't make yourself sick with worry in the meantime.

@Louw Thankyou! I'm still really new to the idea that I've got OCD or BDD, it still doesnt really feel like I have any of these, for a long time I felt like I was pretending to get sympathy or something. Recently, after being on medication for a few weeks the symptoms have gone away a lot, it's more manageable for the most part, I realised how much of it was all in my head. I'll still get some bad times, but I feel like the anxiety has shifted from me onto my brother, and Ill get really anxious about his hair. This happened recently when my mum made a comment on it and its it's so bizarre to me. Why should I be worried about his hair? It's got to tthe point where I get scared when hanging around him that I'll notice his hair more. It just feels like when I finally remove what is making me anxious, I need to fill in that gap with something else if you get me.

@Luca077 @Luca077 Super common for OCD to latch onto something new once you feel comforted or no longer care about an old theme. It can be a bit like whack-a-mole, but if you get good at these techniques for accepting uncertainty and processing your unpleasant emotions instead of acting on them, you won't develop full OCD on each topic because you won't be developing compulsions. It'll just be anxiety. And the more that anxiety about any topic is felt and accepted physically, without accepting what it's telling you or arguing with it, the less anxious your brain gets even over time and across topics. It's so extremely worth it. OCD and chronic anxiety can effectively be cured if you're consistent with this. It's hard for us, but normal people don't just have zero anxiety, they simply do all this stuff (feeling feelings, resisting destructive urges etc) on automatic. It can get to being basically automatic for us too. Dont think of this as a huge mountain you'll be climbing forever, don't freak yourself out. You can get on top of it, and you'll become a more humble, flexible and compassionate person by doing it. Feelings deserve to be felt, they can't hurt you, they can be your friend. Btw in the meantime anything OCD tells you to do can be a compulsion including avoiding your brother or fretting about how awkward you might feel around him. The thoughts don't serve you, just make you more anxious and affect your life in ways you'd prefer they didn't. So go out of your thoughts and into your feelings. Once you've felt the feelings the whole way through until they're gone, you will have a wide open space to choose your thoughts and beliefs.

@Louw Thankyou so much! I do realise this is totally irrational behaviour on my behalf and I feel so bad for my brother, I feel so guilty about it.

@Luca077 @Luca077 Nah man OCD can be really weird, a lot of us get fears that we are gay/pedophiles/zoophiles/sociopaths/criminals etc. You're mindful that you don't want to upset or offend your brother or to feel like a judgmental or shallow person. You're not those things any more than the rest of us really ARE the secretive or judgmental people that OCD turns us into. Prolonged OCD can really reduce self esteem. So get working on treating those compulsions and don't let guilt turn into a compulsion- if you feel guilt then let yourself feel the guilt. No need to push it away because you know it doesn't make sense and no need to accept or believe what it seems to tell you. Just let yourself feel it. Feelings aren't right or wrong, they just happen. Feel them without needing to find out what they mean about you and move on with freedom.